Adult/working children living at home

[Cutecat78]

I think this has been done to death but I need a vent.

My 18 yr old son works full time and pays house keeping, he has two younger siblings and they are all expected to empty/load the dishwasher, fold and put away any clean laundry and I will let their rooms get to a certain point before I will ask them to clean them.

DS1 has the attic room which we have recently put a brand new en suite into.

When we have guests to stay they stay up there because of the en suite and it has a double futon. It's the nicest bedroom in the house (of the three kids rooms) and the pay off for that is it occasionally being used for guests.

Since DS1 has started his lastest job after a period of doing fuck all unemployment he seems to think he doesn't need to do anything around the house. He does work late in a bar and its FT (I also work FT) but he refuses to get up in the morning 15 minutes earlier than needed to empty the dishwasher etc. He will cook and not clean up after himself (I usually save him some dinner but he'll fry eggs/bacon in the day) leaves dirty crockery all over his room and his room is disgusting with litter, and dirty clothes stewn over it and the en suite (which needed doing but also with a view to having students in the future when he leaves which he says he wants to do) is getting trashed.

We have just had a row and he's sworn at me and said the reason he stays out all the time is so he doesn't have to come home and "do housework".

We have friends coming to stay in a few weeks and while I don't mind doing a tidy up and clean I do not expect to have to deep clean his room and chisel ten tonne of shit off a brand new toilet .

What do I do - charge him extra for cleaning as asking him and then it turning into a row is just getting me down - and spoiling my relationship with him. He seems to feel as he is 18 he no longer has to respect the house rules.

What do others expect from working children?

I couldn't afford it - what's wrong with that?

I did not want him to leave education at all.

But you must have known the maintenance was going to end when he hit a certain age and hes close to that age now anyway.

He was not going to leave school (meaning his dad stopped contributing anything at all yet still expects me to support him) leaving me more than £200 a month down (who can actually take that hit?) and not pay his way.

What adult so you know who has 2/3 of their wage at their disposal every month?!

If you can afford to be £200 a month out of pocket HelenaDove good for you - I cannot and I don't have a magical money tree in my garden either.

I had always planned that when he left FTE he would leave home and I would get a student.

If he had stayed in FTE his dad would have had to contribute until he was 20.

No i couldnt My husband has emphysema.

But your DS doessnt have 2/3rds at his disposal every month if hes on a zero hours contract.

Does he know you were already planning what you were?

Oh i thought it was 19 It must have changed

Poor sausage having to give up his room 4 times a year the horror right he is 18 he can clean his own crap you are not exactly asking him to do much he might be paying some rent doesnt give him the right to expect everybody else to do it takes minutes to empty a dishwasher or to wipe a counter top

Of course he does he gives me 1/3 of whatever he earns leaving him 2/3. It's a percentage not an amount.

Yeah he knows I'll get students when they leave. He also knows this will always be his home.

How much does he give you and how much does he earn on average.

And btw he absolutely should be clearing up after himself Hes being totally disrespectful in this respect.

If you do end up with a student in the en suite though will you be asking them to give it up when rellies come to stay?

You can plan your students around guests.

He gives me 1/3 of his wages.

He has got a job Dixie

And how much does he get paid.

He's on minimum wage on a zero hours contract - so it varies....

That's why I did it. I wanted to give him a cushion as I think it's tough for kids on these bloody awful contracts - no sick pay no holiday pay, got rid of with no warning.

Why don't you switch bedrooms with him? He clearly doesn't appreciate what he's got. He pays rent, so if he doesn't want to make way for guests he gets a standard bedroom. You can then keep the ensuite pristine and sleep on the sofa when you have visitors.

Agree that he should pay rent or keep
Agreed he shd give up his room for guests - who sound like family members. Why should they stay in a hotel? Me and my family love having guests stay over and play musical bedrooms, kids on sleeping bags, me on sofa etc to fit in people- it's fine for a few days and keeps family and friends closer than. If they stayed at hotel and came to visit!!

'I don't include DD in dinner plans unless she's in when the cooking starts. If there's some left, she'll eat it, if not, she does her own.'

That's how it works here, and why we have 2 freezers.

If a DC remains in FTE their resident parent can claim child support, child benefit and child tax credit up until they turn 20, as long as it's not 'advanced' education such as university.

So if they stay at college doing A levels, NVQs, etc, the cut off age is 20.

When a teenager simply drops out of FTE, the financial loss to the parent - often a single parent already struggling financially - can be really significant.

Is not possible to swap with him. We have not long had fitted wardrobes, new carpet and a king size bed with mattress to help my back issues put in our room.

He really is inconvenient for you now, isn't he?
So, what do you want the agreement to be between you and this adult in your house?
Is he likely to choose to want to move out, or will you have to make him?

OK, switch one of the other children with him then.