To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

[NatureRun]

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

[pictish]

If one of mine had slimed someone else's clothes in a cafe, it would be a cold day in hell before I told myself it was their own fault for being there!
The arrogance of some of you is jaw dropping.

[Nerdygalwithabook]

Tbh. These things happen OP. If it was a wedding dress or something hugely special then maybe getting you to pay for dry cleaning would be reasonable. It happened in a second. You can't help that. You apologised and that's that. She could have thought that she was near a baby. However even if not her fault it also wasn't yours. She was BU to shout so much. Your angry and that's normal!!

[pictish]

Bomb - nah...I'd be more concerned with sorting myself out with na seat and saying hello to my friends than worrying about someone else's baby sliming my coat.

[FavaBeans]

If I sit next to a baby I expect a certain amount of collateral damage. Her fault and she had no need to be rude.

An older child would be different and I'd feel ywbu.

[LimpidPools]

I don't have a baby or a coatigan. I don't know how far babies can reach, although I bet it's astonishingly further than I imagine. If I sat too close to a baby and got smeared with prune I'd have to laugh at myself for being so stupid, even if I was simultaneously thinking 'oh hell, how am I going to get that out?' I can't imagine mouthing off at the mother and her infant child. That's because I try not to be an arsehole. I don't always succeed, but I do try.

[Nerdygalwithabook]

I don't think the OP is saying direct oh it was that women's fault. She's annoyed at being shouted at in public! For an incident that could happen to anyone with a young Child!

[FavaBeans]

Was I the only one who had to google "coatigan"?

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

Heres a scenario to all those lining up to heap scorn on the OP - the exact same thing happened to me once, except it was my very expensive silk bag that was damaged. I sat next to a gentleman in a wheelchair with very obvious learning disabilities and he was eating a bag of crisps. He reached out to feel the bag and the greasestain damaged the bag. I shrugged it off as cest la vie. Should I have exploded at this mans carer and demanded she met the full cost of replacement? No, because it was an accident.
Funny how though when its a child and a mother involved the mother becomes very clearly the one in the wrong.

[LimpidPools]

Oh yeah, OP, YANBU.

(Maybe you should have tried to help clear it up, scrubbing at it with some of those thick green serviettes you sometimes see. I'm sure that would have helped no end)

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I think that's a bit of an accident and everyone should be more careful. I don't think you owe her dry cleaning though it would be a nice gesture. You are supposed to reasonably supervise your children, and you did. You couldn't reasonably have prevented what happened. Reasonably supervise is not the same as making it so everyone else can pretend they don't exist.

[andintothefire]

I do wonder what the OP is expected to have done to avoid this. While normally I would say that damage caused by a child should at least be offered to be paid for, this sounds like a situation where the woman with the coat put herself into a sticky situation (pun intended!). I just don't quite understand what the OP could have done to avoid it - her child was already in a high chair and eating when the other woman arrived. As others have pointed out, it's not as though the OP was letting her child run around the cafe.

[pictish]

I agree that the apology should have been sufficient...I don't think coatigan woman is covered in glory either. But those saying it was her own fault for sitting near a baby are bonkers! The world does not revolve around your babies ok? Some people don't even notice much less care about your babies. If your baby slimes someone else's coat it is YOUR FAULT.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I'm actually laughing at some of the mind blowing entitlement on this thread. Your kid = your responsibility. No one else's.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I think regardless of how it happened you can't go around telling people off and expect the same courtesies you would receive by acting civil. OP has said she would have offered to pay for it had it not been for her over reaction.

It was a shame her coatigan thing got a little messy but there is no need to be a dick about it. Accidents happen.

She can pay for her own dry cleaning.

[pictish]

Ok not FAULT...but responsibility.

It was an accident, these things happen. But do not make out like she brought it upon herself fgs. It makes you sound pickled in self importance.

[Nerdygalwithabook]

It's not the Mums fault if the baby makes a small mess on someone else's property IF. It's an accident and happens so quickly there is NOTHING they can do. NOT THEIR FAULT. However if their kids running round throwing food etc TOTALLY YOUR FAULT

[FavaBeans]

Any baby in a high chair has a 3 foot danger-zone radius around them within which any item or person is pretty much going to get spattered (with a medium-risk zone extending to at least 10 foot depending on the baby). Yanbu - she chose to sit right next to a high chair.


It's like sitting in the front row of Seaworld.

Whoever compared it to a dog, dogs are trainable. 8 month olds are just balls of poop and mess.

If I sit next to a puppy I expect it to jump on me and be annoying but not a dog.

[MattDillonsPants]

Meh. If her coat was so precious, why wouldn't she look where she was putting it?

[biscuitkumquat]

OP, I posted a few months ago because a dog wasn't being controlled by it's owner & it jumped on me with dirty paws & my coat was really dirty & I got shouted at by the owner for suggesting that they should pay to get it cleaned.

In your case, if the coat/cardigan was dirty & needed cleaned do you think it's fair that you shouldn't have to pay for that?

It is completely unreasonable that she shouted at you, but it is your responsibility that she's not out of pocket because of your DC.

It was obviously an accident, but that doesn't absolve you of responsibility.

Look at it from her point of view:

I went to a cafe with my friends, I was running a bit late, but there was a space at their table so I pulled up a chair. I turned around a few minutes later & a baby was wiping it's mouth on my coat. I hadn't even noticed that there was a baby sitting there, and I was so shocked that, I admit, I was very cross. Mother of child apologised, but didn't offer to pay to clean my coat. AIBU to think that the Mother should have made the offer to pay to have it cleaned?

Surely it's just common courtesy that when your child damages someone's property, you make sure that you put the situation right?

[Herewegoagainfolks]

smallondon damage to her clothes, might not be "small stuff" to the woman concerned.

What if it was cashmere worth hundreds of pounds?

What if she had an important appointment later that day she wanted to look nice for?

What if the woman just doesn't have the money to replace or clean the garment?


Baby smear on my clothes when I had young babies would normally be "small stuff", it wouldn't be now my children are older though when I'm wearing more expensive clothes and need to look good for work.

It's small to you. It clearly wasn't for the woman concerned.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

It's just one of those things. Like someone upthread said, you'd just laugh and internally think why did you put your coat so close to a baby.

The only thing that makes it slightly U is that you're feeding prune puree (why is that even a thing?!), and it could actually stain the grey coatigan. That's a harsher learning curve, especially because most baby foods and common purees would come out in the wash, so they'd be a minor annoyance rather than permanently ruining the clothes.

Either way, you can't really expect people to be hyper aware of your baby, and she can't expect you to have complete control of his hands/mouth/food throwing skills.

Thinking about it, there is a shocking lack of British-ness about this situation. I reckon 99% of the time, both people would have been apologising to each other.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Common courtesy applies to everyone.

If you're going to be rude people will respond differently.

[MagicalMrsMistoffelees]

It is not 'entitled' or 'living in a bubble' to think the woman with the coatigan over-reacted.

How patronising to imply that because someone doesn't have children that they also don't have the common sense to realise sitting right next to a baby in a high chair may result in some splatterage.

Stick the thing in a washing machine or if it's dry clean only and really that precious then don't hang it over the back of a chair in a busy coffee shop full stop!

[LettingAgentNightmare]

YABU you absolutely should have paid. Your child wiped it's mouth on the coat. I think that's a lot worse than just grabbing it with their hand. I would want any of my clothes cleaned of a baby, especially not even my baby, gobbed all over it.

[LettingAgentNightmare]

Also, I had to laugh about how you "loathed her' based on her being annoyed your child has probably ruined her clothes. Little bit hysterical to start loathing.