To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

[NatureRun]

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

We have a simple rule in our house which isn't just for in the house which is 'sorry doesn't make it better'. Yes you have to apologise but you also have to do something to try to fix whatever went wrong. Words are cheap. Coatigans and dry cleaning aren't.

[pictish]

Common courtesy applies to everyone.

If you're going to be rude people will respond differently.

I do agree with that. As soon as coatigan didn't accept the apology and calm down she was being a tit.

But seriously folks, people don't always register a baby at the table next to them and even if they do, they don't immediately risk assess the situation, they are getting on with their own day. If your baby wipes his/her sticky, food covered mouth onto their clothing it is down to you.
By the logic of some posters here blaming the woman for sitting next to your baby, you should have noticed the bloody coatigan and moved your baby away from it. Did you? Why not? Because it didn't occur to you? Exactly.

The world does not revolve around your baby.

[FavaBeans]

OP, I posted a few months ago because a dog wasn't being controlled by it's owner & it jumped on me with dirty paws & my coat was really dirty & I got shouted at by the owner for suggesting that they should pay to get it cleaned.

A dog should be controlled and trained. How do you propose the OP train an 8 month old where someone has just wedged their ass in front of them on a chair they had to shove in?

[fascicle]

andintothefire
I just don't quite understand what the OP could have done to avoid it

Exactly. She had no time to react to the other woman's decision making.

pictish
But do not make out like she brought it upon herself fgs.

That is in effect what the other woman did.

It makes you sound pickled in self importance.

Nothing to do with self importance. From a legal point of you, the other woman was effectively negligent in her decision making.

[fascicle]

point of view, not you

[LoisEinhorn]

Blimey it was an accident. If you sit next to a baby eating then surely common sense would say you might get dirty.
YANBU.

[alltouchedout]

She should take better care of her possessions. Your have to be utterly daft not to think that in an environment with food and babies, a dry clean only pale grey item might need slightly more care than flinging over the back of a chair without checking that it's likely to be safe.

[FavaBeans]

IN a busy cafe it's much easier to move an adult than a high chair. It also sounds like the OP wasn't given much time to move the highchair.

[FavaBeans]

Also she was bu for wearing anything called a coatigan.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Fava the woman was behind the baby, not in front. Pretty reasonable to assume she was sitting in an acceptable place.

[FavaBeans]

Not by anyone who has ever seen a baby eat Paul.

[pictish]

From a legal point? Keep your wig on!

This is eaksy peaksy - it involves a woman with baby goggles on and another who chose conflict over calm. It was a clash of interests I'd say. Two wrongs don't make a right. Who knew?

[pigsinmud]

Yanbu. It sounds like she overreacted. She must have been sitting really close to the highchair for an 8 month old baby to reach her. If the op was there first, surely she must have noticed the baby.

If a car drove past her and drenched her coatigan in muddy puddle water would she run after the car demanding dry cleaning? Whatever happened to simple accidents where someone apologises and that's the end of it.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

You don't have to be utterly daft.You could be unused to babies. You could be unaware of the baby sitting at a table because you have other priorities in your life and/or you could be used to being around babies who don't wipe their mouth on your clothes.
I've been around a lot of babies (big family; went to lots of mother and baby groups, etc) and I've never had a baby wipe their mouth on my clothes except my own baby. It's not actually a common hazard for a random child to grab your clothing when they are not yet walking.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Not necessarily Fava. I've got a child and would think it's an acceptable place to sit. I wouldn't expect a baby to swivel round, lean over, grab my jacket and wipe their mouth on it.

People shouldn't have to add baby onto a list of things to be aware of.

[MagicalMrsMistoffelees]

I doubt the eight month old actually sat there knowingly wiping his mouth on the coatigan as we might do on a napkin!

He more likely grabbed at it as babies do (and I knew that before I had children because I have eyes and ears) and the coatigan brushed against his mouth in the process.

I wouldn't put an expensive / important / precious item of clothing on the back of a chair in a busy cafe. But if I did and an accident happened then it would be my fault for not taking care of my property. An apology from the person would be nice but I wouldn't expect payment! Makes me cringe just thinking about demanding that. I'd chalk it up to experience and learn not to do that again - just as the baby in this case will learn not to touch everything around him!

[NotSleepyAtAll]

I wouldn't sit near a baby, in the same way I would check that the seat and table are clean before I sit down. Babies are notoriously messy and grabby. You apologised and I think that was sufficient.

[bakeoffcake]

I'm sure she wouldn't have put her coat within licking distance of a dog

Yes your baby caused the damage but you apologised profusely. She was incredibly rude and in your position I wouldn't have offered to pay either.

[MadisonMontgomery]

I think she def overreacted a bit to get shouty, BUT I think you should have offered to pay for cleaning. I've not had much experience with babies and it honestly would not occur to me that if I sat within a certain distance of a child that my clothes would be fair game to have food wiped on them.

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

If the child was able tointerested Ifd and wipe its mouth on the coat then it must have been in very close proximity to the child.
It was an unfortunate accident that could not have been prevented by the OP. The woman had absolutely no right to verbally abuse the OP, no matter how expensive the bloody coat was. I have some very expensive pieces in my wardrobe that are reserved for special occasions because as soon as you leave the house, you take a risk that they might get dirty or damaged. Thats life.
People have said 'the world doesn't revolve around your child' - indeed, it doesn't. But it also doesn't revolve around your coat.
Pictish and paul - i am interested to know, would you have felt the same way about the OP if she had said 'disabled adult in my care' instead of 'my child'?

[BombadierFritz]

Oh ok pictish. Dont you have to look though, cos you're squishing a new seat in between two tables where a seat isnt supposed to be? I thought everyone took into account that they are inconveniencing those around them as well. Usually its just an eyebrow raise or a murmured 'sorry do you mind ....' kind of thing. It is a strangers space you are invading. They might have a mobility aid or a guide dog on the floor or in this case a mucky baby. Probably best to look

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

Sorry my last post was abit muddled - phone acting up.

[pictish]

Anyway it's ok. These things happen. Overall coatigan was out of order not accepting the apology...and for having a coatigan in the first place.

Peace, love and baby wipes.

[MsMommie]

I would have laughed! Haha x

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

You haven't answered my question pictish