To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

[NatureRun]

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

[wheresthebeach]

Accidents happen but at the end of the day you are responsible for your kid and any damage they do. You can't control everything they do, but you have to take responsibility for it. If it was another mum with a similar aged child you might have had the reaction of 'there's been worse on it', but you shouldn't expect people to be okay with this.

'Loathe' is also a pretty strong word.

[Costacoffeeplease]

'Entitled' is thinking the world revolves around your child

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

I think the courts/police and legal fields have better things to worry about than a bit of prune juice on a coatigan ie Murdererers rapists peodophiles ec

[Veterinari]

Well extrahot the scenario was one you gave me. Interesting that when I agreed that it would be unreasonable it's suddenly like 'apples and oranges'. In my original scenario - someone sitting down next to my dog on a park bench, which I think is similar to this situation, I still think it's unreasonable for them to expect to be slobbered on.

Yes if you smear yourself against a dirty child or dog or wet paint fence it is then unreasonable to complain about it. BUT The lady here did not brush against the child, she did not smear her 'coatigan' against the baby. She sat down in a cafe and the baby grabbed her clothing. She is not resonsible for the actions of someone else's child. The parent is.

I think it's pretty entitled to expect strangers to take responsibility for the actions of your child. whats wrong with an apology?

[SeptemberFlowers]

YABU - you should have offered to pay for that.

[blindsider]

I think Nanny Ogg has it spot on

This woman effectively put herself in a position that was encroaching on the other tables space. An apology IMO would suffice.

[mrsjskelton]

I don't think YABU but it's certainly divided the crowd! If I was wearing a lovely outfit then I wouldn't sit within what must have been about 6 inches away from a baby or toddler

[mrsjskelton]

Extrahot

[ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay]

The baby didn't do it on purpose obviously but as a parent it's your job to ensure they do not hurt/damage themselves or other people or their property. Ywbvu to not cover the dry cleaning.

[Ciggaretteandsmirnoff]

YANBU. Shit happens, you apologised

^^^ this with bells on.

[LittleBearPad]

It seemed to escalate more than it needed to.

I would have offered a tenner or something towards dry cleaning.

Equally if I were the Coatigan woman I would have refused the money because it was an accident.

However the offer should have been made.

[FluffyBunny123]

Wow opinions are so split
those saying she should have paid, you would actually take cash off someone who's baby got a tiny bit of food on it?!? Blimey
What's done is done op, I suggest you spend the rest of the day working on your lightening reactions

[Ceic]

YANBU

For your position, the polite thing would have been to offer to make good on the coat, ie to clean it with baby wipes, get some water on it to wash it not dry-cleaning though, too much £££

The polite repsonse to such an offer would have been to refuse payment but accept the wipes, along with the apology. And be gracious about it. After all, a reasonable person would be mortified already and there's no need to make them feel worse.

She shouted and demanded money for a dry-cleaning bill? I think she's a bit of a chancer.

[pictish]

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

Of course yabu - the word does not revolve around your baby and the incident was your responsibility. She didn't put her coat into your baby's mouth, your baby grabbed it. How could that possibly be construed as her fault?! You're being a baby brain to think it was!

On the other hand, an apology should have sufficed, it wasn't deliberate after all.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

She invaded your baby's space though

bloody hell I've heard it all now...

She didn't invade the baby's space. She sat down at a sodding table and was clearly sitting behind the baby if he had to swivel round to mucky up her coat. She did nothing wrong in where she sat. Perhaps she could have been politer after the incident but that doesn't mean the OP shouldn't pay for the damage her child cost. The entitlement of some of the posters here is astonishing. You're not absolved of responsibility just because it was an accident because it was a baby. It's still your responsibility.

[smalllondon]

She absolutely overreacted - people would just be so much happier if they learnt not to sweat the small stuff. Baby makes a bit of mess on your clothes - laugh it off, the baby didn't mean it! I'm also sure that 99% of Mothers would be apologetic. The lady should have just nipped to the loo, tried to wash it off and if she was unhappy with the result then calmly asked for some dry cleaning money if she felt that strongly.

Don't worry about it! I

[pictish]

She invaded your baby's space though, if you had let your child toddle up to her and wipe his hands then that would have been your fault. But if you flick a coat near a baby that is covered in food then mess is inevitable.

Oh do shut up. What nonsense.

[BertrandRussell]

"those saying she should have paid, you would actually take cash off someone who's baby got a tiny bit of food on it?!? Blimey"

No, I wouldn't. But I would expect the offer to be made. And I would have offered if it was my baby.

[DolphinsandDinosaurs]

It absolutely does not sound like it was your fault. It does not take a genius to work out that if you put pale clothing within grabbing range of a small child it is likely to end badly. I can totally see why, having been shouted at, you did not want to offer to pay for her dry cleaning. A little bit of politeness from her, would have meant the whole thing could have been easily resolved, without any bad feeling. I wouldn't give it another thought.

[fascicle]

The OP isn't negligent here. The other woman decided to a) sit very close to OP's baby b) put her coatigan on the back of her chair in close proximity to OP's baby. The OP did not have time to react or forewarn the woman, who might reasonably be expected to know that babies like to grab things and can be messy.

[Slowlygettingthehangofthings]

I do wonder why this website is called "mumsnet" when clearly many of the posters have little or no experience of looking after children.
The woman moved a chair into an area that was not intended for seating. She placed her coat within reaching distance of your child. With the best will in the world, you cannot keep your child from grabbing things within their grasp. This is why you keep cups of tea etc out their way. There was little you could do to prevent this and yanbu at all. I would have told the daft bitch to wind her neck in. Place your belongings within reach of a child in a highchair, you take the risk.
And to the poster who called the OP entitled - yes, how fucking dare she take her child into a public area like a coffee shop and expect not to be verbally abused! so entitled of her!

[pictish]

She may not even have registered the baby. I certainly don't take particular note of who is on the next table when I sit down in a cafe.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

She sat behind the child! Bloody hell people have some common sense.

[BombadierFritz]

You'd probably notice though pictish if you took a seat from another table then had to find a space to squish it in between two occupied tables

[tictactoad]

Doubt she even clocked there was a baby close by.

I think there's a good chance the coatigan is wrecked whether it's dry cleaned or not. You're probably lucky she didn't demand you replace it completely.