To think it wasn't my fault that her coat got dirty

[NatureRun]

In a busy coffee shop with 8-month-old DS and our NCT group. A woman pulled an extra chair up to join her friends at crowded table next to us. She sat down within grabbing range of DS and before I could stop him he twisted round in highchair and grabbed hold of her pale grey coatigan thing that she'd draped over chair and wiped his mouth on it He had prune puree and yogurt around his mouth as I was feeding him

Woman jumped up angrily and told me off. I apologised profusely but she was really angry. She insisted I pay for dry-cleaning. I refused (had she been nicer I may have offered) but she was making a scene and I loathed her.

If you sit within grabbing distance of a prune-covered baby surely that's not my fault? Or am I BU?

I think you are both being unreasonable.

I don't think she should have shouted at you and sometimes things get dirty, she should have accepted your apology and moved on.

I think you are being unreasonable to think that everyone knows what it's like to have messy babies that grab things within an arm reach. It's your responsibility to watch your child, not everybody else's responsibility to be at least arm's length away from your child.

Yes. She had the right to sit where she wanted, but if you sit in a muddy puddle you get muddy, if you sit right next to a baby being fed you get baby food on you. Engaging your brain is always an option when choosing a seat.

She was U to shout but you were very U for not offering to pay for the cleaning.

Hmm difficult. Your child did cause damage to property, but her complaining about mess is akin to her parking her car next to a working concrete mixer then complaining she has concrete splatters up the paintwork. You should have made efforts to fence off/protect the area, she should have taken a bit of care and thought as to where she was leaving her property.

I wouldnt pay anything to anyone who shouted at me
You apologised
She learnt not to overcrowd tables

She pulled up an extra chair, so encroached on your table space as well. Her fault.

I would have offered to wash it in my machine like a normal person.

Extrahot yes absolutely and in fact that has happened. If I bump into acquaintances when out walking I expect that they should be able to stop and chat to me without my dog leaping over them and making them filthy. Isn't that just basic courtesy?

I don't expect that anyone that approaches me should just 'suck it up' and expect their property to be ruined. Similarly I expect parents to take responsibility for accidents that their children cause. I think when you choose to take on a small creature that doesn't know the rules of society then as an adult you have a responsibility to ensure that your choice doesn't negatively impact on others. I certainly don't walk around assuming that everyone else will modify their behaviour to accommodate me.

Also op, I hope this 'damage of property' doesn't go on your ds' permanent record and hamper his future career prospects...

I wouldn't have offered to pay, apologised, definitely. she should have looked where she had put her coat maybe she will take more notice next time

She overreacted hugely. Pay for dry cleaning? FFS! I think behaviour like hers is what that wonderful new adjective 'entitled' was invented for. It was prune, not nuclear waste.
If her pale grey coatigan is that delicate and inconvnient to clean she shouldn't wear it to busy coffee shops.

I think the woman here should share the blame as she put herself in the position and the op didn't have a chance to react. Having said that though if your child damages something it is ultimately your responsibility.

YABU. Your child damaged somebody else's property so you are as responsible as if you did this yourself I'm afraid!

Accidents do happen sometimes.

I wouldn't have reacted so angrily if I was her. But I'd have offered to pay if I were you. I think YWBothBU

Well, every day is a school day on MN. I would have thought it was basic courtesy to offer to pay for dry cleaning when your DC made a mess of a stranger's clothing. I'm genuinely surprised that so many don't think like that.

I would (and have) offered to pay any time there has been a chance that my DC has damaged someone else's clothing. Funny thing is, that no-one made me pay. Each of them accepted my apology and said it was fine. I have a funny feeling the same might have happened if the OP had offered in the first place. It only became heated because they weren't making any attempt to rectify the problem. Sorry doesn't get stains out of clothing.

veterinari. That's like comparing apples with oranges.

Allowing your dog to jump up would be like allowing a toddler to walk around the cafe with dirty sticky hands. Baby in a high chair is like a dog on a lead sitting beside you minding its own business until I brush up against him. It's like complaining that the 'wet paint' sign didn't stop your clothes getting paint on them.

Baby in a high chair being fed, wet muddy dog on a lead, wet paint sign...all things that have 'warning signs' that should be heeded, if you've an ounce of sense.

I would've offered to pay straight away.

I was the coatigan woman I would've said thanks for the offer but don't worry about it.

I think you're both being U to be honest.

I would love to know what the legal rules are about something like this. (I am not being sarcastic, I am genuinely interested).

You are responsible for damaging her property, at least morally you should fix it, and yes you should pay for the dry cleaning. Nothing else, there was absolutely nothing malicious, but it's your fault her clothes got stained.

Calling the woman "entitled" is as ridiculous as saying "that's what kids do" to brush off any problem caused by children, intentionally or not.

That should be "if I was the coatigan woman". To clarify, I am not the coatigan woman!!

I think if the woman had been there first and you slotted in a high chair around a crowded table that gave your baby access to others, then it would be your fault.

But she was sitting where there should have been space and it was near a baby.

That's her own risk.

For fuck sake, what is this world coming to?

Half of you would walk into a lamp post & want compensation for it. I despair.

yanbu. you couldn't have avoided it, an apology should have been enough. if this had happened to me (if I was the owner of the cardigan) I would have been annoyed but never shouty or insistent on you dry cleaning it!

She invaded your baby's space though, if you had let your child toddle up to her and wipe his hands then that would have been your fault. But if you flick a coat near a baby that is covered in food then mess is inevitable.

You were entirely correct to apologise profusely, that is a given, but I wouldn't have paid for dry cleaning either if she was so rude to me.

Exactly Nanny Ogg.

It wasnt a seating area, it was a space to give customers room. She put a chair in your space. Tough titties