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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to have anything to do with her

16 replies

Julia2016 · 17/04/2016 16:30

Dh's mate's wife. I have no respect for her. I dislike how she treats her husband and just her basic ethics. They've one child, he works hard, they've full time childcare, a cleaner, he wants her to work some bit to take the financial pressure off, she won't. He pays for everything and she gets an allowance purely for herself. She goes out every Saturday night with her friends. She tells him all the men are after her to wind him up. If he goes out she abuses him, I've seen it. He pays for her family to visit, travel costs etc. she deliberately makes him jealous. Don't get me wrong he's an idiot too, he gave her an allowance when they weren't married and now she says she married him based on him looking after her and doesn't want to work, wants no more kids as she wants to enjoy life. He is a good guy and she is just treating him like dirt.

My thing is that I don't want to be around her and I'm finding it hard to hide it, if I don't like someone I just don't see the point in giving energy to them. 😒

OP posts:

Tiggeryoubastard · 17/04/2016 16:34

Yes, stay away. Why should she be subjected to someone so judgy over things which are none of their business. It's not something I usually assume when people are so judgy, but you actually do sound a bit jealous.

StealthPolarBear · 17/04/2016 16:34

Yanbu she sounds selfish . Is someone suggesting you should spend time with her?

VioletTea · 17/04/2016 16:37

YANBU for feeling like this. She doesn't sound a nice person.
But what can you really do about it. I have friends with partners who I can't stand and who make me think "erughh" but it's not me who has to live with them.

Either put up with her or make it clear that you won't associate with her anymore. Only you know what the fall-out of this would be.

EverySongbirdSays · 17/04/2016 16:38

Her relationship with her husband and their personal setup is absolutely none of your business.

If you dislike her, don't spend time with her though, why should you?

DropYourSword · 17/04/2016 16:43

I don't think the OP sounds jealous
She doesn't sound like the kind of person that I would like our respect, and therefore I would avoid. Life is too short to spend time and energy on maintaining negative relationships.

curren · 17/04/2016 16:52

Her relationship with her husband and their personal setup is absolutely none of your business.

I am pretty sure if the sexes were reversed and the Op was saying her friends husband refused to work, look after the kids and emotionally abused her...people wouldn't be saying 'it's non of your business'.

Op Yanbu. You can make him leave her. Which he should. But you can decide wether you should be in contact with her.

I would be disgusted if any of my friends were being treated like their by their dp and would take a huge step back from the abuser.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 17/04/2016 16:55

She's a right wicked fucker her. There's certainly no complusion on you to jump on her "dick" and become life long friends just because your DH and hers are friends.
Give her a wide berth. It makes me seethe when people think they have the God given right to treat their partner like shit.

EverySongbirdSays · 17/04/2016 16:57

curren good point, well made

CrookedTiara · 17/04/2016 16:57

If the sexes were reversed, I would still be asking how on earth you know so much intimate detail about the financial and emotional life of two people who are not your friends and whom you don't much like?

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/04/2016 17:01

What's wrong with wanting only one child?

Wdigin2this · 17/04/2016 17:04

Stay the hell out of it, nobody would thank you for interfering. And, if you don't like her, don't see her, if you make up excuses the first few times the socialising will soon dwindle away!

Original poster

Julia2016 · 17/04/2016 17:05

My dh hears it all from his mate when he cracks up from the pressure every few months. There are redundancies in his firm, he is terrified of losing his job, she doesn't care. he is afraid she will leave him if he loses his job too, not much caring there. I feel sorry for him.

I'm not jealous of her in the slightest, I don't share her personality traits, I disrespect her hugely. I work for my living, I don't expect dh to support me, her thinking is alien to me.

It is none of my business but I do have to make an effort if we meet them, the way I am now I'm finding it hard to hide it. My dh detests her too but he can hide it better.

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 17/04/2016 17:06

She sounds a pain, but her DH is as much to blame - just don't spend time with her, why would you need to?

Original poster

Julia2016 · 17/04/2016 17:35

I know I'm only hearing one side but I honestly think she's emotionally abusing him and it upsets me aswell as annoys me, he's a lovely guy. That's the trigger for why I'm so bothered.

Absolutely nothing wrong with having one child. I was just outlining the situation, she just wants the high life. Her best mate is married to guy who is loaded and "she buys jeeps for fun", so this is the value system she aspires to. She told her dh recently that he doesn't earn enough.

And why does she go out every Saturday night without her dh, I wouldn't want to. I love my girls nights out the odd time but not every Saturday.

If this was her dh doing this to her, the response would be different?

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 17/04/2016 17:37

So why spend time with her? Just leave her to it!

AcrossthePond55 · 17/04/2016 17:41

I'm in a similar situation, except that in my case it's the 'd'H. He's an alcoholic and when he drinks he's horrible to his wife (my BFF). The 'd'H is my DH's best mate and agrees that his friend is a bastard when he's drinking. When he's sober he's fine, but it's gotten to the point where I don't want to be in his presence (and the feeling is mutual as I've made my feelings pretty clear to her and he knows it). Luckily we live a bit distant and BFF and I see each other without him around, as does DH and her 'd'H without me. Yes, she knows she should leave, we've discussed it many times. She's just not 'there' yet.

It's a rough one, OP. I told my DH that I won't be around him and he's told DH that he 'just isn't ready to see face me' because I 'undermine him'. Prick. I feel bad that it places my DH and my BFF in an 'awkward position', but that's their problem not mine.

If I were you I'd tell my DH that I don't feel I should associate with someone Iike his friend's wife. That to do so is tacit agreement with the way she treats him.

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