To secretly give my youngest biscuits

[Mixiee]

I have three kids. A year ago I walked out of an emotionally abusive relationship. My kids spend 70 percent of the time in my care and 30 in his.

Two of my children are extremely overweight. Their BMI puts them in the obese category. The youngest is slightly underweight for his age.

When I walked out of my relationship, I lost heaps of weight and am now a healthy size. However, I regretfully continued to give my children the same diet they always had. I was always an emotional eater, due to my unhappiness and my bad attitude to healthy eating rubbed off on my kids. I take full responsibility for this (their dad should also, but doesn't).

Fast forward to the last few months. I finally finished counselling, got a new job and a new house. Feeling settled and was mentally ready to tackle their weight. I've explained what was happening to them, why it was important, and focused on the positives. I cleared the house of junk, buy fresh food and have cooked from scratch including treats so that I can insure there are no hidden sugars etc. I've upped the good fats, and they are slowly getting more active. The effects are starting to show and the kids have suprised me how accepting they've been of this big change. They feel great although there is still a long way to go.

My problem? My youngest is loosing more weight too! And he really can't afford too. Unlike the other two, he is incredibly fussy and although he has been accepting of our new healthy lifestyle with minimal fuss, he will not eat the alternatives. He is INCREDIBLY picky. I could count on my hand the foods he will eat, and only two are considered 'healthy'.

Rather than protest for what he really wants, he will just not eat. He is far less active because he's barley eating. So tonight, I bought biscuits, his them, then allowed my youngest to have a few on the hush. I felt like a failure but I can't find the balance as the kids are extremely opposite ends of the scale!

I've had to eliminate sugar completely, rather than cut down
Purely because their dad does not support this new lifestyle overhaul and continues to feed them crap when he has them.

Am I wrong for what I did tonight regarding biscuits. And if yes, please can someone offer a solution. I just can't think what to do in this situation!

Biscuits aren't the best source of calories and nutrition. Really you need to focus on upping his nutrition if he is truly underweight. Giving him biscuits on the sly isn't going to help him in the long run, although I understand why you are concerned.

All the best - you've done so well!!

Perhaps milk? My DD drinks pints gallons of full fat warmed milk. If she doesn't like what's on offer at the table she'll ask for hot milk and rather than making a fuss/forcing her to eat something she's not keen on, I give her the milk. You wouldn't have to be 'sneaky' about it either, just give the little one milk when the others have a glass of water at the table.

This diesn't sound like a good idea because of the collusion and hiding from other DC and because you mention of the limited foods he eats only a couple are healthy. Could you bake healtheir treats - these muffins have very little added sugar (2tbsp for 9/10 muffibs) and are made with veg oil, not butter, so no saturated fats. www.meanmothercooker.com/2012/01/healthy-breakfast-muffins.html

It depends how underweight. My DS slipped down as he grew dramatically at puberty from skinny to very very thin, he became lethargic. I weighed him and he was a stone below minimum healthy weight for his height. I have focused at this stage on weight gain over nutrition. He has 2 complan shakes with whole milk each day, food I know he will eat (he is v fussy and goes without rather than eat something he dislikes) and a bag of high calorie snacks that he is allowed to help himself from after school (things like cereal bars, chocolate etc). He managed to put on half a stone in just a few weeks on this regime which I am delighted about. Once his weight is nearer a sustainable level I will reduce the snacks (or change them back to fruit as he used to have) but keep the complan. I chose complan over just making a milkshake as it has vitamins and minerals added which I am sure he was lacking when so lethargic (eg he eats v little red meat and no green leafy vegetables so I suspect his iron was low).

As previous posters have said, it depends on whether he is underweight and how much. But there does IMO come a point where calories outweigh nutritional needs. My other kids are aware that DS gets more because he is skinny. This isn't a problem for us as I have always been very clear that people have different nutritional needs and portion sizes depending upon the size of their body, so my 5 year old clearly has a smaller portion size than my 14 year old.

Very impressed with the changes you have made, it's not easy so well done.
I also think slipping DC biscuits is a bad way to go.
Peanut better sandwiches? (The meridien range of nut butters have no sugar or salt added). Avocados? Really healthy but calorie rich. Will DC eat dips? You could make an avocado dip with cream.
What will DC eat? Maybe we can think of some ways to load a few extra calories in.

You've done so well with all the changes you've made! Well done.

My DS (5) has been a very picky eater for ever, but we've now got him to quite a good place. First, we cut out absolutely everything that wasn't served at mealtimes so he would be properly hungry. At mealtimes we give him a small plate with a bit of everything on (the same food that everyone else is eating). The rule is that he has to try a bit of everything on his plate. He's then allowed seconds of the things he likes, but has to eat a little bit more of everything on his plate. If he does that, he's allowed pudding. We kept really calm about it and simply didn't give him seconds / pudding if he didn't try everything - it was his choice and we made no drama.

It's taken several months (and a lot of collaboration with his CM, who initially was only giving him the one thing he liked) but he's now eating a much wider range of foods without fuss.

Keep going! It gets easier!

Get him checked by a doctor to see if he really is underweight - and if he is then get medical advice on how to build up his weight.

Stuffing him with biscuits doesn't sound like a healthy way to build up his weight. There are more healthy alternatives.

Perhaps he's not underweight at all. My SIL has obese children and she thinks my 6 yr old is far to skinny. Her perception of what is a normal weight is is skewed. My 6 year old eats a healthy diet with some treats now and then (I try to limit these but he always seems to be at parties etc so eats a good bit at times). He fits perfectly into clothes sold for 6 year olds - whereas SIL's 5 year old daughter years leggings sold for 12 year olds.

Thank you for all your responses. Will answer all individually on a moment. Just wanted to add a few things.

My son most definitely is slightly underweight. At nearly 7, he is only 2 stone 4 lbs. He wears clothes for a 5 year old.

He is SO fussy. He doesn't like Crisps, only one type of chocolate, two different biscuits, he picks out veg in a meal (only 4 meals he will eat). I blend veg to hide it. He doesn't like dried fruits/nuts, he hates milkshake, 1 type of cereal he likes-weetabix. Wont eatva sandwich, Doesn't like fruit...arghhh list is endless!

My own fault. I agree with posters that said I shouldn't sneak food such as biscuits. Just at my wits end.

Hi Mistigri. No, I've taken the children to the doctors with my concerns. They are supporting me and the children in this. I don't label it as a diet, it's definitely not. The food has been replaced by a wide variety of good food. Nuts, oats, fresh fruit and veg, oat cakes, no sugar peanut butter, full fat natural yoghurt, wholemeal bread, wholemeal pasta, brown rice etc.

I'm ensuring they are eating well and filling up on good stuff rather than go hungry on a calorie restricted diet. I've not at any point told them this is specifically to loose weight to look good or anything like that. I've made them aware of the health factors if they continued to eat too much sugar. This has helped them massively.

I do think you should chat to your GP.

Being small isn't an issue in itself as long as growth is regular (especially height). But I can see why you don't want him to lose weight. Does he eat things like pasta, rice, potatoes? You could give weetabix for supper if he doesn't eat much at tea time, and if he has a packed lunch for school make sure it contains some calorie-dense foods. If you buy "diet" or low fat foods buy small portions of the full fat equivalent just for your youngest.

Have you been told he's underweight by a doctor, or are you just comparing him to your older children? A six year old wearing age 5 clothes doesn't sound worrying in itself. My DD2 is almost 10 and only just growing out of her age 7-8 clothes - she's not underweight but she has always been slight (even though she eats like a horse).

Just seen your post, you sound very sensible and you should give yourself a huge pat on the back.

But for your youngest, and especially if he doesn't like whole grain stuff, you might consider getting some of the normal varieties of pasta, rice etc. My very slender son will eat a plate of plain pasta with some olive oil and salad, but he wouldn't touch wholemeal pasta with veggie sauce.

Some people are naturally slimmer than others.

If dd1 was the same height to weight ratio as dd2 she would be ill. Dd2, who eats like a horse, is naturally very tall and thin, dd1 is dead on average and exceedingly picky eater in small quantities.

All children need to learn healthy eating habits for life. My mil used to be very strict with my dh when he was little because he was a bit overweight. His db was underweight and a picky eater so she let him have what ever he wanted. Now as an adult he is overweight (much heavier than dh) and has lousy habits. He and his wife are making the same mistakes with his ds. They let him eat cakes because he refuses to eat anything else.

I've got a 7yo child who is quite limited in her food choices. She's not fussy in that she's all about junk food... for example, she'll eat broccoli by the truck load. But the range of food is low.
I don't stress about it.
So what if he only eats 4 meals? I realised it was me that was worrying about variety, not her. 4 healthy meals are fine.

Definitely agree on not sneaking biscuits in. Nothing should be secretive.

Also agree that he may not be underweight - you say he's in 5yo clothes. If he's a 7yo the size of a 5yo, then he may just be small and that weight isn't too low for a typical 5yo size.

Does he eat the peanut butter you buy; you could get the sugar containing one if he does. This is a good source of protein and 'good' fat.

What height is he? My oldest is on the verge of underweight (on the BMI charts) one more cm and he's in the underweight zone. I get him to have an English muffin and peanut butter with a cup of Horlicks before bed (though I suspect from the list your DS might reject this).

Oh I should have said that because he's on the very lower end of the scale (though still charts at being a healthy weight) he looks incredibly skinny compared to his peers if I'm comparing them.

He is 2 stone 4lbs. He is under the 1st percentile on the BMI chart. I know those things are not to be taken too serious, he most definitely is underweight. But I wouldn't worry about his size now but would be concerned if he started to loose!

It's hard to sneak stuff in. All he has enjoyed eating over the past is:

Pasta and pesto
Bolognaise (picks out veg so have been hiding by blending!)
Shepherds pie
Dippers and fish fingers (I don't have these in the house now)
Baked beans
White rice
Weetabix
Cucumbers
Fruit flakes (again, I no longer buy these)
Chocolate bourbons/digestives (don't buy no more with exception to yesterday!!)
Mash
Popcorn
Milk

That's actually it. That's all he likes in general. He's even fussy about treats. Doesn't like sweets, lollies, most chocolate. He won't eat nuts, fruit, houmous, spreads, yoghurt ..nothing!

You're right though, sneaking biscuits isn't the way in the long run. Would be better if he just ate more of a variety of good stuff. But he would generally just not eat and not complain either.

What about involving him in choosing/helping to prepare meals? He might feel he has an element of control and engaging with the food process might encourage him to eat more/be more adventurous in what he will eat.

But where is he in regards to height? If he's around the 1st for weight and for height then that's fine - he's a good height for his weight iyswim. There's always going to be some kids at the bottom end of the centiles otherwise they wouldn't exist. As long as his weight gain is tracking that centiles I wouldn't worry.

I would add cream to his wee rabid and mash (we did this when DS1 got so I'll his weight dropped below the centiles chart). If your older two have been pretty good about this diet change then I'd try explaining that although they can't have many biscuits their younger brother can because of him being underweight and not a great eater. Eating in secret may wind up creating more problems.

Ok. That dirt isn't hugely varied but it's not deficient in anything. As he eats bolgnaise and cottage pie like you say stuff can be blended into sauce also.

I would just increase his portion size a bit. Add extra butter to his mash, add extra small spoon of dinner so his size of dinner increases slightly but not huge he can't eat. Offer milk to drink at various points in day.

Can you get him making homemade fishfingers and chicken coated in breadcrumbs? Can use various diffenent fish once he likes. And at 6 they can do the whole dipping into flour, egg and breadcrumbs so a sense they made themselves.

Bare in mind at 6 years they tend to move so much they wear off any excess weight of slim in the first place.

Speak to the GP and speak to the teacher, see if you can agree with them for him to have something like a rich milkshake at lunchtime

Blend up a smoothie with greek yoghurt added maybe? They have decent calories in and if u alter the type of fruit you put into the other kids smoothies (strawberries,blueberries) they can have too but if u add banana in the one underweight that will bulk it out calorie wise

I have to feed one of my DC different food as he is very fussy and would rather wither away than eat food he doesn't want to eat.

I would just let him eat what he used to and make it clear to your other two children that you are treating him differently because otherwise his health will suffer, just as you treat them differently to him because you don't want their health to suffer either.

Well done with all the changes - awesome job!

Just wanted to say well done on the changes you're making for your family. You're setting up your children to change their eating habits for the rest of their lives in a healthy, sustainable way.