To secretly give my youngest biscuits

[Mixiee]

I have three kids. A year ago I walked out of an emotionally abusive relationship. My kids spend 70 percent of the time in my care and 30 in his.

Two of my children are extremely overweight. Their BMI puts them in the obese category. The youngest is slightly underweight for his age.

When I walked out of my relationship, I lost heaps of weight and am now a healthy size. However, I regretfully continued to give my children the same diet they always had. I was always an emotional eater, due to my unhappiness and my bad attitude to healthy eating rubbed off on my kids. I take full responsibility for this (their dad should also, but doesn't).

Fast forward to the last few months. I finally finished counselling, got a new job and a new house. Feeling settled and was mentally ready to tackle their weight. I've explained what was happening to them, why it was important, and focused on the positives. I cleared the house of junk, buy fresh food and have cooked from scratch including treats so that I can insure there are no hidden sugars etc. I've upped the good fats, and they are slowly getting more active. The effects are starting to show and the kids have suprised me how accepting they've been of this big change. They feel great although there is still a long way to go.

My problem? My youngest is loosing more weight too! And he really can't afford too. Unlike the other two, he is incredibly fussy and although he has been accepting of our new healthy lifestyle with minimal fuss, he will not eat the alternatives. He is INCREDIBLY picky. I could count on my hand the foods he will eat, and only two are considered 'healthy'.

Rather than protest for what he really wants, he will just not eat. He is far less active because he's barley eating. So tonight, I bought biscuits, his them, then allowed my youngest to have a few on the hush. I felt like a failure but I can't find the balance as the kids are extremely opposite ends of the scale!

I've had to eliminate sugar completely, rather than cut down
Purely because their dad does not support this new lifestyle overhaul and continues to feed them crap when he has them.

Am I wrong for what I did tonight regarding biscuits. And if yes, please can someone offer a solution. I just can't think what to do in this situation!

[Blu]

I would re-introduce fish fingers: good quality ones. I have never seen them as the work of the devil.
Also a couple of digestive biscuits with milk doesn't sound too terrible to me as a once a day thing for an active 6 yo. The issue is the secrecy: hiding from the other two and making the food a dirty secret.

Well done on all you have achieved OP, you are juggling a range of issues here: good luck!

[AliceInUnderpants]

I have a child who is underweight, as she is on medication that suppresses her appetite. She is also a fussy eater.

You need to just make slight adjustments to his diet/food - yes, that will often mean making two versions of the same meal. For example, when you are making spag bol or chilli, use high fat mince for his, and low fat for you and the kids. Add butter and cream when you can, switch him to full fat milk if he's not drinking it already. Try lots of different cheese samples to see if you can find one he will eat.
If you dry-fry or use a frylight type spray for you and the older children, use oil for his. etc.

[Clare1971]

What do they do for school lunch? If 6 year old has a packed lunch that would be the opportunity for putting in biscuits or something you don't want the others to have. You might have to get permission from the food police at school though. My middle DS was very fussy and underweight and the doctor told me to include plenty of crisps and chocolate! Still fussy, still underweight and still eats crap at 21 though so not sure it helped in the long run.

[sneepy]

I've got a very skinny child who loses weight easily. Every time she gets any little virus she starts looking waif like & needs fattening up! I just make sure she has 3 hearty meals a day and she soon puts it back on. Here's what I would do with your list:

Breakfast: weetabix with full fat milk OR beans on toast. Glass of juice or any fruit.
Lunch: wrap with ham or other meat, pesto pasta, yogurt, crisps, fruit etc. OR school dinner
Dinner: whatever hot meal you know he will eat. I'd add fish fingers back into the mix.
Bedtime snack: warm milk with a tiny bit of honey and a piece of toast.

You're doing so well with your diet, it's really the same thing with the mindset of making sure all food he eats is worthwhile. Keep up the good work, you really should be proud of yourself!

[Chchchchange]

It fascinates me that the op has said she has upped her eldest two's healthy fats (fantastic imo. Brilliant for vitamins and satiation and helps in the regulation of appetite) and people are still saying 'give the older two skimmed milk and low fat food and the younger one lots of fat.

Fat doesn't make you fat. I think far too many overweight children get put on low fat products and it just messes with your appetite and makes you eat more overall. The more fat I eat, the less I eat overall and the more weight I lose (and the healthier I feel)

Op I feel for you because your youngest does sound quite underweight. If you can get more carbs into him that would be great and keep adding butter or cream to things like mash. If he'll drink a smoothie, avocado is tasteless in them and coconut milk adds to calories too. Or adding honey would be good. I wouldn't blame you for giving him the odd biscuit. Just don't hide them from the older two, go with 'this has sugar in it so it's not so great but your brother has to have extra calories to get his weight up'

[Sandbrook]

Nothing more to offer on what pp have already said but well done on making a change. Sounds like you've really got your life back on track. Hope everything works out for you all

[Poikjhvcx]

Well done for everything you have done so far. Is there any reason that you have to give him the biscuits secretly? Surely the other two are old enough to understand. In fact, might it be good practice for them to be around biscuits but not eat them. I'd ask them about it.

[Mixiee]

Honestly, thank you so much for all of your input. Its given me a few things to try out and confirmed that I am in fact being unreasonable to secretly feed my 6 year old biscuits!

To answer a few questions, youngest is 3 ft 8. I'm definitely not concerned about his weight now. I would be if it continues to drop.

I won't buy semi skimmed, low fat cheese or low fat yogurts for the kids. Even the overweight ones. I don't have any 'diet food' in the house. I just make sure they have a satisfying amount of these things. I just want them to get healthy at a reasonable pace and learned to eat normal good food as part of a healthy balanced lifestyle. Apparently the low fat stuff is full of hidden sugars. Sugar is what I'm avoiding, not healthy fats. Hence I still give the kids peanut butter, use olive oil etc. I lost seven stone by doing this.

I think what I'm finding challenging, is balancing the two extremes in my household. I am going to try and involve the youngest in some food preparation and cooking to see if that helps! It's really useful to hear some of your stories and gives me hope.

Really do appreciate the feedback 😊

[Mixiee]

Oh in response to why I don't allow biscuits in view of the older kids. I do agree to some extent. They would understand too. But they've made massive changes and done so well. I think it's helped they've not had the temptation in front of them. If they know it's not in the house, physiologicallying I think it helps. They will be surrounded by temptations and there is nothing I can do about that except hope that they will want to stick to their healthy eating.

All my family are on board, so I have no worries about visiting grandparents etc. I know the school offer out treats on the odd occasion, but I don't want to try and police that. In my eyes it's too occasional for me to have an issue with it. Plus, it's not my call what the school decide.

I do see your point though.

[Spandexpants007]

I wouldn't feed a fussy eater up on biscuits. Long term you'd make the fussy eater fussier. It's probably not like his malnourished or in danger.

When you say he's under weight, what do you mean exactly? Children are meant to be slim. What percentile? Two of my 4 are on the bottom percentile and they are very healthy. I just feed them what I feed everyone else and I don't worry at all.

[Mixiee]

Spandex. My youngest is below the 1st percentile and classed as underweight. My concern is not his current weight, but if it was to drop more as he is eating significantly less calories.

I agree that feeding him up on biscuits will make him fussier

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

Well done for everything you have done

[NynaevesSister]

His diet sounds ok so please don't worry about it. Try Pediasure - you can buy it in Boots. It has sugar in it I am afraid but I don't think that will be a problem for youngest. You can explain to the older two that it is a special supplement for him to make sure he isn't missing anything in his diet.

I tried this with son - personally I think it tastes yum but son rejected it as he had every supplement I have tried as he can't stand anything with a 'chemical' taste no matter how slight.

[Mistigri]

OP - there is plenty in that list that is reasonably healthy. Fish fingers are fine (no one else has to eat them, and they can't tempt anyone while they're still frozen), and tbh I would give your youngest white rice and pasta if he prefers them.

It may be that you could consider feeding your youngest his tea a bit earlier, and then a bit later having a more "grown up" dinner with your older two. It's a hassle to have to cook separate foods, but you can usually plan ahead - my oldest is vegan and I keep a supply of ready-prepared stuff in the freezer.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

Will he drink gold top? A glass of that with every meal, and for cereal, plus a blob of cream and butter through mash, sauce for pasta etc. will add up to some extra calories.

I eat limited things and switch between gold, blue, green, and red top milk if I need to vary my calories. Over a month I can make a decent difference in calories purely by changing my milk.

[Smartiepants79]

I agree with bringing back good quality fish fingers. Waitrose do really good ones if you can afford that. What about homemade chicken dippers? If you bake them in the oven not fry them I'd have thought they would be OK.
I think the suggestion of feeding him before the others is quite a good one.
In some respects his food issues are no better than the older two, just different!!
I think you sound like an excellent parent who is doing a very good job. I'm very impressed.

[Rainbunny]

Well done OP. It sounds like your youngest has a pretty high metabolism. Have you tried adding something like peanut butter on wholemeal toast (or almond butter etc...). They are calorie dense but with healthy fats and protein. You can get healthy versions at the supermarket as well - made with just peanuts or almonds and no added ingredients (no added sugar being the most important!).

[Rainbunny]

Sorry - I've read the thread and realised that I've made the most obvious suggestion ever with peanut butter :)

[corythatwas]

If he is happy to eat Bolognese and shepherds pie will he also eat other mince dishes? Because that seems a fairly good start. If he will eat mash and fish fingers, could you sell him mash and white fish? I would have thought the way to keep his weight up is to concentrate on the "real food" rather than "treat foods".

[MakingJudySmile]

How about adding a bit of flaxseed oil to his food? It doesn't taste strong (so undetected) and is high calories and has many good fatty acids.

[Spandexpants007]

Two of mine are on the very bottom line (Infact looking at their books one is just under). I don't worry about them at all because they are both fit and healthy and far from malnourished. They look like slim 1970's kids rather then 2016's kids. Kids are so chubby these days!

Your DS is 6 and 2 stone 4. YourGP won't be worried about him

[RunnerOnTheRun]

By sneakily giving the youngest junk food you are simply encouraging the fussiness. Not helping it. I think you all need to be on the same page here. One big open, honest family, with all the same food, like it or lump it. Seek advice from a nutritionist (I'd not recommend a GP because they will just recommend you follow the EatWell Plate).

[Spandexpants007]

Even if he drops below the bottom percentile a little, I wouldn't worry. The chart is just a set of averages and your DS isn't average. When I raised my child's weight with the Gp/HV, I was told the odd drop/rise is normal and as long as he travels generally below the bottom line and doesn't nose dive to rock bottom, I shouldn't fret.

[FindoGask]

Fish fingers are fine! Even if they're not from Waitrose (ref. earlier poster).

Your boy's diet isn't the most limited I have seen. I think you're doing great, and I understand your worry, but i think in the long term your approach of cooking wholesome filling meals will pay dividends for all your children. My two girls have both gone through fussy stages, and I know it's hard to manage. It sounds like you're doing all the right things and I reckon he will naturally broaden his palate as he gets older.

[dairymilkmonster]

Well done on making such big life changes.
I would work out if your youngest is objectively underweight and if so, give him more food. The older ones are old enough to take an explanation of why this is appropriate.