To secretly give my youngest biscuits

[Mixiee]

I have three kids. A year ago I walked out of an emotionally abusive relationship. My kids spend 70 percent of the time in my care and 30 in his.

Two of my children are extremely overweight. Their BMI puts them in the obese category. The youngest is slightly underweight for his age.

When I walked out of my relationship, I lost heaps of weight and am now a healthy size. However, I regretfully continued to give my children the same diet they always had. I was always an emotional eater, due to my unhappiness and my bad attitude to healthy eating rubbed off on my kids. I take full responsibility for this (their dad should also, but doesn't).

Fast forward to the last few months. I finally finished counselling, got a new job and a new house. Feeling settled and was mentally ready to tackle their weight. I've explained what was happening to them, why it was important, and focused on the positives. I cleared the house of junk, buy fresh food and have cooked from scratch including treats so that I can insure there are no hidden sugars etc. I've upped the good fats, and they are slowly getting more active. The effects are starting to show and the kids have suprised me how accepting they've been of this big change. They feel great although there is still a long way to go.

My problem? My youngest is loosing more weight too! And he really can't afford too. Unlike the other two, he is incredibly fussy and although he has been accepting of our new healthy lifestyle with minimal fuss, he will not eat the alternatives. He is INCREDIBLY picky. I could count on my hand the foods he will eat, and only two are considered 'healthy'.

Rather than protest for what he really wants, he will just not eat. He is far less active because he's barley eating. So tonight, I bought biscuits, his them, then allowed my youngest to have a few on the hush. I felt like a failure but I can't find the balance as the kids are extremely opposite ends of the scale!

I've had to eliminate sugar completely, rather than cut down
Purely because their dad does not support this new lifestyle overhaul and continues to feed them crap when he has them.

Am I wrong for what I did tonight regarding biscuits. And if yes, please can someone offer a solution. I just can't think what to do in this situation!

[Quook]

Matthew Wright always looks like he is about to sneeze.

[WellErrr]

Oh FFS. Matthew Wright and his lazy misogynistic researchers YES YOU need to fuck the fuck off.

[Quook]

'Crummy Mummy's Secret Biccies for Slim Son'.

[MattDillonsPants]

Oh HIM again! He hate us but can't employ researchers with the skils to find stories from anywhere other than here!

[Quook]

Their researchers are Soooooooooo lazy.

[Quook]

This is On The Wright Stuff NOW!

[Pickanee]

Hi Op, I read this whole thread earlier and was really impressed with your ideas and determination. Its been on my mind since though so I thought I'd say something. Changing your lifestyle is not easy. I also have an underweight child and understand how frightening it can be. Coconut milk (the hard bit from the tins) is quite easy to whip up for freezing (ice cream/ice lollies) and doesn't have a strong taste if mixed with other flavours. I wonder whether you could make homemade ice lollies but make sure his have some coconut milk in? By blending up fruit and veggies you'd make a nice healthy summer treat for all your kids but you'd know his had some extra good calories in too. Best of luck x

[GreenPetal94]

I think you should work out if he's truly underweight. If so the standard advice is to give additional fats and sugars. Maybe buying "childish" fromage fraise / choccy bars / biscuit styles and explain they are especially for your youngest only. Surely your elder two can see he is v thin?

My sister has two overweight teens and one beanpole. They as a family accept they need to eat differently.

[Mixiee]

Thank you all so much. I've read each and every message and have taken it all on board.

I actually had to stop and think, 'did my youngest feel he was not getting the attention the others were?' So I am making a conscious effort to praise him too for supporting his brother and sister by not complaining about the change in food etc. And a little breakthrough happened, and he ate something at dinner time that he wouldn't even so much as accept on his plate!! Carrots! Not many, he nibbled it then proceeded to eat three more batons! So I'm feeling super happy.

Also, to the last poster. Thank you. I have actually ored him a chefs hat online. Just now. So I'm hoping g that will make him feel important and encouraged.

So much great advice here from everyone. I'm very grateful.

[kateandme]

id try and get the little one involved. the other two may not have had the best relationship with food and stuff over weight issues and the family troubles so perhaps the young one still could. get him treating it as fun but healthy.get him knowing why he needs this green broccoli or this lovely meat for energy and pasta for strength etc. could you and him cook a meal including something he might not usually like "i tell you what will you be my chef and we can make it taste nice then"
if he needs to eat more then it might be so because hes sic and tha tis still very much growing and his bone strength is vital here too.so if it came to it maybe sit the others down as adults and say right guys your brother might be getting a few different bits and bobs but its nothing on how I feel about you all more on your ages and what your different bodies need. let them see you are being sneaky and including them in looking after eachoter.
also ge the older ones cooking with the younger.making a bit of mess biring a healthy relationship with food might be good for all of you. food is for life and love and family it shouldn't ever be about emotional yes and no's.
you've done so great already.be proud of that.and you sound so much happier and that's lovely.
on the biscuit thing its hard because one wont be bad but it mounts.if you could find healthier things too that might be good. they don't all have to eat every time the others do either.so the younger could have a supper of toast or cereal maybe.
keep going.let them know that food isn't a punishment motivated vie versa.its food its all good just balanced. the feeling stuff comes by talking and making eacohter feel good.
you've been through lots.your doing fab

[Janetizzy30]

My 11 year old is the same but having been under a paediatricians for years there isn't actually anything wrong he's just small and skinny like I was as a kid. Fussy eater too not a lot you can do except try the special milkshakes or take him shopping with you let him see where it's from sometimes kit works for him other times not x

[Rosina71]

There is a lot of good advice here and obviously the right foods are so important. However, if your son is considered underweight by professionals, you may want to consider the advice given in writing by a consultant paediatrician to my daughter.My grandson was underweight and without much appetite for healthy food due to a year long severe strep infection in his lungs and throat. She told my daughter to get as many carbohydrates down him as possible, 'forget the healthy food' and let him fill up on biscuits, bread and jam, spaghetti in tomato sauce and any stodge that he would eat that would start to bulk him up and get his appetite going again. I was so gobsmacked that I read the letter several times, but ...it worked. GS retreated to his room each evening, after picking at a carefully prepared and tempting dinner of meat/fish and fresh veg, with a plate of penguins, digestives and other food that we only ever allowed in extreme moderation. You name it and he got it down for several months and it started to get him better.

[Poikjhvcx]

Some (50% ) of my DC were fussy eaters and are not great even now they are adults. They manage their fussiness well but it's a nuisance. I noticed DD2 (20) looking up a restaurant menu before deciding whether to go out with friends. I think she was nervous about going and there being nothing she could eat. It seems a bit ridiculous but I guess it's her problem now. It's the only area of parenting that I feel I fucked up.

Anyhow, I used to make my own breadcrumbed chicken, fish and salmon fingers. They were all delicious but the salmon 'fingers' were particularly so. I would make extra for myself. I think oily fish is a good healthy addition.

If you can get him a bit more used to breadcrumbed things then you could try adding pork snitzels.

DS1 is my other fussy child, he didn't used to like pizza, crisps, chips, ice cream, or cake which meant parties were extremely tricky for him. As an adult he has improved enormously but refuses to drink alcohol despite going clubbing a lot. The upside is that it saves him lots of money.

[SweetAngels]

Oh gosh really sorry for the massive post

[bringmelaughter]

There's a method called 'tiny tastes' that has good evidence in working with fussy eaters to get them eating veg, etc. May be worth googling to see if it would work for him.

[SweetAngels]

Well done so far!

Had a DC who also had a limited diet - like the poster up thread we dished out a small spoonful of everything that was on the table and he had to have a taste of everything and it was ok if he didn't like it and wanted to leave it but the things he liked he would eat the whole lot and if he wanted another spoonful he would get one on the understanding that he had to have a taste of everything else again.
This worked because we always ensured that there was something he liked at the dinner table ie pick something from the list of stuff you have given and make sure one of those is always available. And we also never ever gave him snacks in between and had protein shakes initially. He would have breakfast of weetabix or oats (made with full fat milk only and a dollop of butter) around 8am, 11am protein shake, 2pm lunch, 6pm dinner (4hrs on purpose so he would be starving ).
Also if he doesn't like sandwiches try them deconstructed ie buttered bread the all the salad, meat, etc separate for him to pick at. My DC also didn't like cheese and still doesn't - now loves egg mayo though so I sneak cream cheese into the mix
Also wraps became a big hit here as they had control over what went in and I found they were likely to try different foods this way helped by me exaggerating eg oh my gosh this bite of wrap that has avocado tastes so good, much better than the bit that didn't- try some and tell me what you think! They rarely like it at the beginning but next time I would say something like oh I think those avocados were a bit off, these ones are much nicer try some in your wrap and eventually you find they start to warm up to different foods - it's a lot of work though!

Another thing I found helpful was taking him to the shops and letting him help me with the shopping and helping with food prep - which I always always over exaggerated everything, lots of omg these strawberries look so tasty can't wait to get home and chop them up and eat them and get him caught in your enthusiasm so that at the very least he will feel obligated to at least try some and if he didn't like something I would get him to try it again by emphasising that there was something wrong with the last batch and this one hopefully would be better gradually got to a point where he would say things like yes these strawberries are much sweeter/juicier etc and in the shops he would be looking for a "good batch" when picking, etc

Also found that liking weetabix means they will like cereals like bran flakes, special K, etc (with nothing added in for my lot as they don't add anything to their weetabix) also try the weetabix minis range just to get him trying different things/flavours - you can buy small boxes in pound land home bargains, etc for £1 to try out

I disagree with the posters saying give him biscuits, etc but explain to siblings that he is allowed due to being underweight because he also needs to learn healthy eating- even if it's a limited version !

I would definitely approach GP and ask for protein shakes just to boost his weight a bit as he is quite light and your anxiety over him losing more weight could hinder the process because you will have to really stick to your guns about it all. Good luck with it all

[Lpel]

Well done re all the changes. I hate to sound critical but could the youngest child be trying to get more attention? The older two are getting attention as they're eating healthily and losing weight and perhaps youngest is jealous?

[Catmuffin]

Yes, but the poster above me provided a link to NHS dietary advice for underweight children. That is what the op would be looking at, not looking up advice for overweight adults.

[Mistigri]

The problem with even good, evidence-based advice is that sensible advice for the general population is not generally appropriate for underweight children. I'd second the advice above about asking for a referral to a dietician.

[Catmuffin]

The NHS website is good for dietary advice. There's so much conflicting info on the internet, but the NHS is evidence based.

[jalopyjane]

You probably know all this stuff already, but the NHS website has some dietray advice for underweight children:
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Goodfood/Pages/Underweightolderchild.aspx

I do feel for you - it must be very hard trying to cater for underweight and overweight children at the same time, but hopefully the GP might be able to refer you to a dietician or something?

Good luck - you are absolutely doing the right thing in trying to tackle this now.

[ACoraBorealis]

Well done on the changes you've made! That's a massive achievement.
You mentioning that your son only eats a small variety of foods sounds like me. I've had Avoidant / Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) ever since I was very young. It's not a very well-known eating disorder, so it's often regarded as just being a "picky" or "fussy" eater. I would have a chat to your doctor and see if they can refer your son to a nutritionist (or someone who specialises in eating disorders if it turns out he does have one). They'll help you work out meal plans and ways to introduce new foods.

[jalopyjane]

I just looked your ds's height and weight up on the NHS BMI chart and unless I did something wrong he's pretty much off-the-scale underweight. Which to be fair is what you said!

I know you said you've had medical advice on managing the diet/weight of your older two but has it included your youngest as well?

[Seren85]

I do "clean eating" (no kids yet) and if he'll eat baked beans you can make a clean version. The Kitchen Shed is a great blog with clean alternatives to things he might eat usually e.g. chicken dippers. You've done really well with the changes you've made. Just wanted to wish you the best of luck going forward and finding workable solutions.

[Mixiee]

Thank you Leeds2. Although I should never allowed it to get to this stage! 😊