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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope an adult might have noticed

99 replies

QueenofLouisiana · 15/04/2016 19:15

That DS sat and ate an apple and a buscuit for lunch. No drink, no lunchbox as he'd left them at home.

He didn't want to make a fuss so didn't ask for a school dinner or ask the office to contact me. He found some fruit in the classroom and a friend gave him a biscuit.

I'd realised he'd forgotten his lunch and rung school to tell them he'd need a lunch and that I'd drop the money in that afternoon. It was only discovered he hadn't eaten when I tried to pay.

He's in yr6, so yes it is my/ his fault- not the school's. However, no-one noticed a complete lack of food. Are they missing children for whom this is an everyday event- not a one day cock-up? Would you flag this up?

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 16/04/2016 17:23

Maybe the office staff have other things to do, rather than "popping" around the school delivering messages.

AmysTiara · 16/04/2016 17:24

He's not going to starve eating an apple and a biscuit. There's loads of kids In the dining hall. Impossible to tell how much each one has eaten

BitOutOfPractice · 16/04/2016 17:36

"But seriously, what are you going to do to help him deal with secondary? Because he really sounds in need of support."

What? Because he forgot his lunch (we all forget stuff from time to time) and didn't speak up about it? Lots of kids don't like asking.

In fact, I'm rather admiring his initiative and chutzpah. He sorted his own (admittedly rather paltry) lunch out by himself. And he won't die from being peckish for a few hours. Good for him I say!

Narp · 16/04/2016 17:40

I work in a school and I doubt anyone would notice a Year 6 not having lunch. Either he sat with the others and ate his fruit and biscuit, and was seen eating, or he didn't sit with the others and was outside.

OTOH, our Receptionist would certainly pass on a message to the child, teacher or TA to make sure he was given a school lunch.

Narp · 16/04/2016 17:41

I also agree that he did the best thing possible in the circumstances and it's not as if he had nothing to eat, so I am not sure what you are worrying about, OP

PPie10 · 16/04/2016 17:45

Given that you forgot, you should be the last person expecting more from others.

redskytonight · 16/04/2016 17:50

DS eats that amount of lunch from choice. I'm sure he's not the only one. So not sure how the lunch staff would spot that this wasn't "normal".

Narp · 16/04/2016 17:52

I agree with Wellthen

Pipbin · 16/04/2016 17:57

So you rang the school when you remembered?

Really someone from the office should have gone to his class and told him that he was going to have school dinners.

I'm not surprised that none of the staff noticed but I'm surprised that the teacher or your son weren't told.

OptimisticSix · 16/04/2016 17:59

I wouldn't worry about him missing lunch or the school not noticing; or even you forgetting things. Things get hectic and mistakes happen, I once forgot to pick my son up from where I arranged to meet him and it was pouring with rain. He forgave me, I forgave me and that was that. Your son may forget his lunch again one day, but even if he can't bring himself to speak up, he's clearly resourceful :D

soapboxqueen · 16/04/2016 18:11

pipbin I'm wondering whether they assumed she had already worked this out when her ds on the way to school and she was just phoning to tell them that she'd pay later. Therefore they would assume he would just go and get a lunch.

BoffinMum · 16/04/2016 18:12

If he gets hungry he'll remember next time, won't he?

DixieNormas · 16/04/2016 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngieBolen · 16/04/2016 18:24

YANBU, but in my experience it's normal. Dad is in Y6 and she can often eat nothing from her lunch box and it's not noticed by anyone. It was the same with DS. But that's my DC not wanting to eat, not a child going hungry because he was to shy to speak up.

MistressMerryWeather · 16/04/2016 18:35

Some children have a hard time speaking out, I imagine a situation like this would be tough for them.

At the end of the day, the message should have been passed on. We all make mistakes and you attempted to rectify it. Once the school was informed it was up to them to make sure he was sorted.

SuperFlyHigh · 16/04/2016 18:36

To be quite honest in my 5 years in junior school with mum working full time as a teacher we never forgot our packed lunches ever and from 10-11 and earlier (9) were making them ourselves.

We wanted new lunchboxes one day we were outside with parents pub in garden noticed the crisp company had a promo if you sent in x amount of crisp packets you got a free lunchbox paying only postage and packaging. So we collected crisp packets that day for our new lunchboxes. We also chose what went into our new lunch boxes.

One year (my last when I was 10 or 11) we both chose to have school dinners as most of our friends had them and we were sick of packed lunches.

I can see that you may say something if you're not a shy child but like you say he had an apple and biscuit so won't have starved. And should be eating more come home time.

Could you perhaps pack a breakfast bar in his bag for emergencies next time??

wickedlazy · 16/04/2016 18:45

I think the op meant are there children who don't get a lunch every day, who are too embarrassed or afraid to say, but it's not picked up on

cleaty · 16/04/2016 19:00

AngieBolen - If a child has a lunch though, but chooses not to eat it, I don't see what the school can do. It is not their role to sit with 10 year olds and encourage them to eat. As long as they are not underweight, I don't think this is an issue anyway.

corythatwas · 16/04/2016 20:10

How come he didn't get a drink though? I would be concerned about a school where the children did not have access to water at any time of the day.

Floggingmolly · 16/04/2016 20:16

I doubt there are any schools where the kids don't have access to water. If he could "find" fruit in the classroom don't you mean nick, op?? he could find his way to the water fountain.

I'd have had words with a child who couldn't bring themselves to ask for help from a teacher, but thought helping themselves to someone else's food was ok.

AngieBolen · 17/04/2016 06:02

I agree, cleaty - there are times DD is technically underweight, but this still doesn't mean the school can do anything. The thing with DD is she will eat if you tell her to. Her class teacher walked through the school hall and noticed she was about to throw all of her school dinner away and told her to go and eat it, so she did, but I fully accept one they get into Y3 no one looks at what they are eating or not eating.

What makes me laugh is that they'll feed Y6 Dc low quality toast and jam each morning in SATs week. If they've been able to learn on an empty stomach for the past 4 years, I'm sure they can do a few tests without being fuelled by toast. Horse, bolted IMO

tibbawyrots · 17/04/2016 08:23

At that age I wouldn't have said a word to my teacher or the office either. I was always too scared of getting things wrong so wouldn't draw attention to myself.

BadgersNadgers · 17/04/2016 08:37

I our school the yr 6 pupils eat separately from the others - special grown up privilege for them. Other than popping our heads round the door we leave them to it and wouldn't notice, especially as some of them inhale their food and others take forever. The office should have arranged a lunch for him, assuming they were told in advance.

scarlets · 17/04/2016 09:04

Forgetting a lunchbox once is no big deal at all. We all forget stuff. My son twice forgot his swimming costume when they were doing a lifeguards course in Y6.

The school could have reacted more efficiently to your call, but sometimes in busy environments minor things get overlooked and that's life.

I initially assumed that your son was of infant school age, so I agree with PPs who expressed concern about such reticence in Y6, but I guess you're working on that in advance of secondary school.

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