Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Wedding Special!

93 replies

Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:01

DP's best mate is getting married tomorrow. Its been a bit of a shambles but I am v close to sacking it off altogether.

We have never recieved proper invitations as they were too disorganised so this has all bern over text and fb message.

DP and groom have been mates since uni. Groom has been crap at meeting up for a while even though we live quite close. I don't know them well but have driven them around city in past as they don't drive.

Originally we were invited to the wedding then it changed to dp invited to whole thing and I could come to everything except the ceremony as the room was too small. Whatever. I would meet dp straight after then we would go to reception.

On Monday, dp asked if I had put in food choices. I was confused as had not been asked at all. Dp texts to confirm I am invited to reception and they say no, only evening starting at 8. This is definitely a change from before.

So... AIBU to think they are rude gits and go to my mates birthday instead which will be much more fun?

OP posts:
handslikecowstits · 15/04/2016 16:46

And my husband would be getting a mouthful too for being disloyal. That's how I'd see it. You should come first.

Inertia · 15/04/2016 16:47

Glad to hear you're going to your friend's birthday instead. You're entirely justified in avoiding the wedding as you've never actually had an invitation.

EweAreHere · 15/04/2016 16:49

Enjoy your friend's party.

Don't think much of your partner if he decides to go to the whole thing anyway. That's just shockingly rude behaviour by the groom.

stiffstink · 15/04/2016 16:49

The repeated downgrading is the rudest part!

Binders1 · 15/04/2016 16:51

Enjoy the birthday party op! Smile

WeAllHaveWings · 15/04/2016 16:55

Have a party at home tonight until the early hours and get dp, best man and other couple properly pissed so they are hungover tomorrow Wink only partially joking!

Be factual about how you've been treated to your guests today (as they will all know most of it and if you don't mention it, it will be the elephant in the room) and laugh it off as it doesn't matter to you as you have something that clashed anyway and its a great opportunity to see your friend.

NicknameUsed · 15/04/2016 16:56

Do you think the B & G would notice if your partner didn't go either?

Lunar1 · 15/04/2016 17:01

Does your dp still want to go?

AuntJane · 15/04/2016 17:04

In case of any unreasonable wedding experiences, remember the key word:

Make
Alternative
Unavoidable
Invitation

NicknameUsed · 15/04/2016 17:08

Grin @ AuntJane

RaeSkywalker · 15/04/2016 17:10

Yep, definitely party.

I was going to suggest that maybe you'd only been invited to the evening because the couple hadn't met you- obviously this isn't the case. Therefore they are just rude!! Enjoy the party Smile

PovertyPain · 15/04/2016 17:10

Let's be honest, the chances are, your husband has only been invited because the b&g needed him to put up their guests, otherwise he wouldn't have heard a peep from them. It would be interesting to see if the other couples got 'proper' invites. I'd make the friends very welcome, then tell them to let themselves in when they get home as you and your partner are going to a party. Why the hell would your DP bother going as an afterthought. Get your partner to tell them he isn't going as he'd rather spend the night with you and you're not invited. Do it in a very upbeat way, as if it's not a bother to the both of you. You'll look like the good guys for putting them up, under the circumstances and they can tell the arseholes why you do hasn't went. I can guarantee they'll go down in your friends estimation.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/04/2016 17:12

Oh, definitely go to the birthday. And I can see your point about not minding the other guests staying with you - I have a friend I go and stay with when I am doing a sellers' fair, she doesn't want to come to the fair but we have a nice evening together.
And, given that you have something you would rather do than attend the wedding and (presumably) no DC to have to find childcare for, there's no reason for your DP not to go by himself. The groom has been either hugely disorganised or very rude or a combination of the two, but you sound like you are more than capable of laughing at it rather than being all wounded and outraged, so good on you.
(Am also envious of your heavy metal club trip - it's ages since I had a proper headbang.)

eddielizzard · 15/04/2016 17:18

well b&g are rude. you're making the best of it and i'm glad you're going to the birthday party.

EllaHen · 15/04/2016 17:21

Now I want to go to a heavy metal club.

AugustaFinkNottle · 15/04/2016 17:31

Go to the birthday party but don't get super drunk, you won't remember any of it and the hangover isn't worth it.

Goingtobeawesome · 15/04/2016 17:54

If you're going to drop them why bother going to the wedding at all and having all the accompanying hassle?

Superwitchy · 15/04/2016 17:59

How lovely, a birthday party! Have a great time Smile Wine

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 18:45

Just back from picking up couple. Great to see them. Woman in couple is slightly concerned they will turn up and she will not have a dinner. It will be fine. They were sent an invite but it was missing bits Hmm and they had to text to confirm details.

Ha. Dp and couple are moaning about grooms general flakiness with everyone. He is known for it.

Wedding will be nice because all their old mates will be there to catch up.

I'm really not fussed about dp going. I'm not uptight about that sort of thing and its his mate. They are just disorganised and thoughtless instead of actively malicious. There are lots of tales of groom being flaky and shit.

OP posts:
MyAmDeryCross · 15/04/2016 19:01

Good thing you didn't have to go to their wedding and you can enjoy your friend's birthday instead.

Hope you enjoy hosting the other couples and have some time with them too. They may end up joining you after ceremony when they realise B&G haven't organised anything and were planning on crash in the local Harvester.

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 20:28

The excellent news is that couple have brought a massive BAG of cider from the shire so we are getting merrily sloshed.

OP posts:
mrswhiplington · 15/04/2016 20:56

YANBU, don't go to the wedding, go to the birthday instead. think I must be old fashioned. Until I joined Mumsnet I had never heard of not inviting someone's partner to a wedding, or only part inviting them. Also not having children at weddings, that's a new one on me.

I understand people don't want disruptions at the service etc. I had just never heard of it before. Any wedding I have ever been to there has been children, partners and friends.

LindyHemming · 15/04/2016 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 15/04/2016 22:30

Go and enjoy your mates birthday.

Poikjhvcx · 16/04/2016 09:30

OP ...I'm not uptight about that sort of thing...

I'm not sure Mumsnet is the place for you then WinkGrin

Have a great day