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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Wedding Special!

93 replies

Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:01

DP's best mate is getting married tomorrow. Its been a bit of a shambles but I am v close to sacking it off altogether.

We have never recieved proper invitations as they were too disorganised so this has all bern over text and fb message.

DP and groom have been mates since uni. Groom has been crap at meeting up for a while even though we live quite close. I don't know them well but have driven them around city in past as they don't drive.

Originally we were invited to the wedding then it changed to dp invited to whole thing and I could come to everything except the ceremony as the room was too small. Whatever. I would meet dp straight after then we would go to reception.

On Monday, dp asked if I had put in food choices. I was confused as had not been asked at all. Dp texts to confirm I am invited to reception and they say no, only evening starting at 8. This is definitely a change from before.

So... AIBU to think they are rude gits and go to my mates birthday instead which will be much more fun?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/04/2016 16:22

YANBU. I would happily host, it's not the guests' fault the B&G are arses. Stick with the birthday.

blindsider · 15/04/2016 16:23

Considering you are close enough to the groom to be putting up his best man , it is the height of bad manners you are not invited to the whole thing. If a mate of mine didn't feel that my wife 'was important enough' to accompany me I would be taking him to tak over it and if that didn't change his outloook, I wouldn't bother going full stop.

Your husband is being a bit of a doormat about it. He is also clearly not the grroms best mate or he would be best man!!

blindsider · 15/04/2016 16:23

*task over it

expatinscotland · 15/04/2016 16:24

Mate's birthday.

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:24

DP, groom and best man were all bezzies at uni but I think he feels that groom does not actually care that much about him. TBH dp probably doesn't consider groom a best mate anymore and is closer to best man.

I certainly haven't contributed to a present and dp is skint so it will be a shit present. Not my problem.

I don't mind putting up couple and best man as they are lovely and good friends but it does rankle.

I think dp has mentioned inconsistency to groom but won't go too far as groom can be a bit funny and might blank dp. Its all very odd.

I am deffo going to the birthday. Its to a heavy metal club and I plan on getting super drunk and headbanging myself into a two day hangover. Dp can sooth me with a fryup on Sunday morning.

OP posts:
blindsider · 15/04/2016 16:25

and what is it with all these people who can't drive?? Confused

Poikjhvcx · 15/04/2016 16:25

D go to the birthday but not in a huffy way IYSWIM.

Binders1 · 15/04/2016 16:26

Your DP should have definitely said something.

You say DP won't mind you going so I'd definitely go to your mate's birthday. Nothing you can do about other couple because you have agreed and arranged details but agree can't be very nice watching them all go off together to the wedding and you can see yourself in after 8.00 pm!

ClopySow · 15/04/2016 16:27

I don't get the whole thing about it being rude not to invite both in normal circumstances. If they've asked you to put up guests, they're cheeky twats. Did they ask or did the guests ask?

Anyway, i'd go to mates birthday.

Rafflesway · 15/04/2016 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:30

The driving thing is funny. Out of all my friends only me and my best friend drive. The vast majority of my social group either can't drive or don't have cars. It is a bit odd as we are all late twenties. Most of us live up North and only one or two live in London.

OP posts:
Valentine2 · 15/04/2016 16:32

Don't do pick and drops. Let them get a taxi. And definitely don't go to wedding. I am petty these days so I will probably also not host the couple as you don't have anything to do with the wedding anyway. You ASAP can do it himself if he likes otherwise they should be happy they got a bed to stay for free and free pick up to boot. Rude gits

Valentine2 · 15/04/2016 16:32

DP, not ASAP ...

NKFell · 15/04/2016 16:33

YANBU- Get yourself to the birthday party!!

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:34

Not sure who asked us for crash. We are the default crash for our city as we have the nicest place. We still live in our uni city and most mates who live here still live like students whereas I keep a nice, if small, house and have sofabeds and spare bedding.

OP posts:
RaspberryOverload · 15/04/2016 16:35

I also agree you should go to the birthday bash. I wouldn't mind going to a heavy metal club myself Grin

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:37

DP does not drive so I'll get them. I really don't mind as guests are great and I like hosting. Just thinking bad thoughts at wedding couple. The bride is a bit odd too and has probably made groom odder than he was before.

OP posts:
pictish · 15/04/2016 16:37

Ok, going by your latest post I think it's pretty obvious your dp has invested in groom for longer than he should have. It's difficult where there are mutual friends and overlapping social circles isn't it?

Well...being as I am, there's no way I'd trot along to the evening do under any of those circumstances. They'd see my arse as I had better people to see.

Goingtobeawesome · 15/04/2016 16:38

Birthday party definitely.

Why is your dp being controlled by someone he doesn't see as a mate and who will "blank him" if he complains to him about is 100% unacceptable behaviour?

I'd be doing something so that I wasn't even in the house the morning of the wedding....

How are we getting to the wedding, Fyaral? Fyaral? Where are you? Fyaral?!

JuneBuggy · 15/04/2016 16:39

Enjoy the heavy metal club Fyaral Grin

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/04/2016 16:41

Nah, they are teally not worth your trouble. Have a brilliant night headbanging with your real friends and don't give the cheeky gits lifts anymore because lifts are only for real friends

handslikecowstits · 15/04/2016 16:41

I'd definitely not go and if they asked why, I'd give them it with both barrels.

Enjoy your night out.

pictish · 15/04/2016 16:43

Oh and yes, don't do it in a huffy way. Rise above and be breezy.
Seriously, this would put me right through anger and out the other side. Always pleasant, forever detached, would be my style.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/04/2016 16:44

let them make their own way there and back - no way would I be having anything to do with the wedding! I think your DP should have said something long before it got to this stage. I know my DH would choose not to go if I was being treated like that.

Enjoy the party!

Original poster
Fyaral · 15/04/2016 16:46

TBH dp isn't that invested anymore. Just sad groom can't be arsed. I just asked if he said anything to him and he just shrugged, sighed and said no point kicking up hostilities.

We are pretty laid back and will just quietly drop them rather than making a fuss. We haven't planned anything with groom in a while as he always bails or cries off halfway through.

OP posts:
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