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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend Asking For Baby Clothes

81 replies

ImNotAFlower · 15/04/2016 12:00

I have a friend with a little girl a bit younger than mine.
When she found out she was having a girl I have her lots of my DD's baby clothes and have continued to do so when I have had bits to pass on.
Today I received a text asking if I had any clothes as her DD has had a growth spurt.
I am totally prepared to be told IABU but I am really put out at being asked, particularly as the text went on to say "don't worry" if I don't have any.
My understanding is you are grateful if given but expect nothing?
I don't know how to reply to the text without sounding blunt.
My first AIBU ladies be gentle!

OP posts:

TheMaddHugger · 15/04/2016 12:06

Was she a friend before she had a little girl? or after? you feel taken advantage off.
yanbu
((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
now for her side of this, It never hurts to ask, the answer might be yes

CaptainCrunch · 15/04/2016 12:06

Just reply "No, I don't have any" and give future outgrown clothes to charity or sell them on ebay.

I consider myself a generous person but cannot abide being taken for granted. The minute anyone tries it they've burnt their boats with me.

SpeakNoWords · 15/04/2016 12:07

i think YABU to be offended, given your history of giving her clothes more than once in the past. The "don't worry" bit is surely there to make her question more polite, rather than to make it more abrupt?

All you need to do is to reply with something along the lines of "no, sorry, not at the moment". That's not too blunt I would have thought!

mouldycheesefan · 15/04/2016 12:07

Yanbu.
Just reply "no nothing! "

It is rude to ask for stuff. You are buying things so she doesn't need to. I fail to see the benefit for you, does she give you a bottle of wine or anything ever?

NapQueen · 15/04/2016 12:07

She probably didnt want to go out and update the wardrobe only for you to turn up a week later with clothes. Its pretty forward but I get why she asked if its the reason that came to my mind.

Squeegle · 15/04/2016 12:09

I'm not sure it's that rude, she might just have been checking that you didn't have a pile ready to hand over! Depends on the nature of your friendship and whether she has a history of taking you for granted really.

Standingonmytippytoes · 15/04/2016 12:09

She probably didnt want to go out and update the wardrobe only for you to turn up a week later with clothes. Its pretty forward but I get why she asked if its the reason that came to my mind.

This

YABU

Just say no nothing at the minute, I think it's unfair not to give her anymore on the basis of this one txt.

gingerbreadmanm · 15/04/2016 12:10

Oh i see both sides to this. I would ask, with the offer of something in return though.

I recently asked my df if she had a bouncer she wanted rid of as my db's baby had just arrived and my dm didnt have one. I didn't think i had done anything wrong. She said she would have a look and let me know although saying that she never did so maybe i have crossed a line?

Original poster

ImNotAFlower · 15/04/2016 12:12

She is an old friend. And I can see why she would think that more clothes would be coming soon (although my DD is still wearing the size she needs for her DD)
I agree with the if you don't ask in principle but as I would never have the balls to ask someone I needed some outside input.
I don't want her to think that this is a every size arrangement. Maybe I should never have given anything.
I don't want to offend her at the same time the whole thing has made me feel a bit taken for granted. Thank you for the replies ladies

OP posts:

pippistrelle · 15/04/2016 12:12

Asking isn't rude and doesn't necessarily mean she has an expectation: she's asking, not demanding. You've been kind enough to give her some things in the past. That doesn't mean you have to or will want to again. Her 'don't worry' acknowledges that, and provides for a 'no' without their being any ill feeling on either side. (Or so one might think.)

LurkonTAthread · 15/04/2016 12:15

If you're daughter is still in same size, then your problem is about to go away. Reply, no not at the moment, dd still in x size. As they get older they keep same size longer, so kids close in age can't pass on, iyswim.

Mooey89 · 15/04/2016 12:15

YABU and sound fairly high maintenance!
She's politely asking whether you have any you are going to be passing on soon, as you have an established history of passing things on to her. She clearly stated that it didn't matter if you didn't, i.e she's not 'expecting', just asking.

Just say 'not at the moment'. It's a non issue.

LurkonTAthread · 15/04/2016 12:15

*your

Afreshstartplease · 15/04/2016 12:16

All you need to do is tell her your dd is still in that size!

SecretNutellaFix · 15/04/2016 12:17

YANBU.

She is taking it for granted that you will have stuff for her. Just text back, no sorry- DD isn't outgrowing stuff quickly any more. And don't give her any more.

Out of interest, what has she done with the stuff when her DD has outgrown it? Passed it on or sold it?

Cooee · 15/04/2016 12:17

YANBU. I've had a similar problem recently. Handed over a couple of bags of things to a friend. Friend has now started eyeing up clothes DS is wearing and commenting about how she can't wait for him to grow out of them because they'll suit her DS.

I never intended to pass all DS' clothes on - I'm keeping my favourites etc, and had thought about eBaying any expensive items, but she seems to think that she's getting everything.

MadamoiselleMango · 15/04/2016 12:22

I think you're being a bit oversensitive, has she previously thanked you for the clothes and seemed grateful? Is she known for being grabby? If you're good friends surely she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about asking, she's not saying GIVE ME YOUR DD'S CLOTHES NOW, just asking if you have any going spare as you have done previously.

Heavens2Betsy · 15/04/2016 12:30

How is she taking it for granted?
She asked a question - politely!!
Its not as if she demanded some clothes or insisted.
YABU

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/04/2016 12:31

Interesting split of views here. I am in the YABU (and precious) camp. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with her asking, seeing as youhave repeatedly and unpromptedly passed on things before, and if I were her and found out how offended you were at the request I would be offended myself, tbh, and never accept anything from you again.

Thumbcat · 15/04/2016 12:33

She's only making sure you don't have a pile of clothes ready to give her before going out shopping for some herself. Her 'don't worry' acknowledges the fact that she doesn't expect it and is just checking. I would have thought it a perfectly sensible thing to do if you've been in the habit of passing on clothes. I can't imagine being offended by this, especially from an old friend.

Chippednailvarnish · 15/04/2016 12:34

YANBU

Expectation of a gift / freebie is grabby and rude.

ceebie · 15/04/2016 12:34

YABU. She's only asking! It's not a demand!

I presume you would prefer for her to sit at home wondering whether you were about to give her some stuff or whether to go shopping , but by no means should she actually ask? She felt that you were a good enough friend that she could just ask you direct, and now you don't want to give her anything again because you're insulted.

TimeOfGlass · 15/04/2016 12:36

Given the past pattern of you passing on outgrown clothes, I don't think it's unreasonable of her to ask.

But if you don't want to pass anything on at the minute, then just text back something like "no, no clothes to pass on right now"

novemberchild · 15/04/2016 12:36

I don't think there is anything wrong with politely asking. It's actually pretty good to see people curbing the urge to spend money and re-using second-hand items.

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/04/2016 12:37

I don't think she's being grabby, honestly - just asking the question! She's clearly not phrased it perfectly in your opinion but I don;t think she's crossed a line here.

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