Aibu to think the NHS should be more truthful about mc?

[orchidnap]

This pregnancy has been fully of uncertainty with slow rising hcg, and scans that took a long time to really slow anytbing, so it was always in the back of my mind that a mc was coming. Today it finally happened. I was 7 weeks.

The info leaflet I'd been given said that miscarriage in first trimester was "like a heavy period" and may experience some pain.

This was a vast understatement. Everyone I've spoken to said the same.

If this was the days before the internet and being able to Google things I'd have assumed something was very wrong and presented at a&e.

I just feel like it's an awful enough thing to have to go through without the panic and shock of what actually happens vs what they tell you.

For me, it was exactly like a heavy period.
Sorry for your loss.

The bleeding I had after a miscarriage was worse than post baby bleeding.

For me, mc at 9 weeks was kind of like a heavy period for a couple of days, and then for one evening was contractions that I had to breathe through in a pretty concentrated way and big clots.

I don't really take anything from the NHS seriously though and found more useful info on mn. I had a slow build-up so lots of time to search for info on what it would really be like.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I do understand that it must vary from person to person and depending on gestation, and that for some and particularly very early that probably is accurate. But the one size fits all advice just doesn't fit all. :(

My MC was like a heavy period, but then I've had really painful periods from the start. I found the extreme hormonal swings harder than the pain and bleeding.

Take care of yourself

Yanbu. I suffer heavy periods and my mc was a lot heavier and more painful.

Everyone is different, and every woman experiences mc differently so it's difficult to produce a leaflet that applies to everyone. My own, at nine weeks, was much worse than a heavy period. The pain was very bad and I could tell when I had passed the baby. I think that there could be a better support system in place for those suffering mc, but again I guess this will vary between NHS trusts. Maybe you could write to your local trust expressing your concerns?
I am so very sorry for what you're going through

I have to say that for me too, early miscarriages at 7-8 weeks (fraid I've had several) were pretty much as in the leaflet. Not pleasant, with quite a bit of cramping which I was not used to as I generally had quite light periods, but co-codamol helped. However, I had one at 12-13 weeks which was horrendous.
But of course not everyone is the same and I am very sorry indeed for your loss.

I forgot to say YANBU. There's no need to specify that it will be one particular way in official information because there is such a range of experience, as pp have said.

I had three miscarriages before 12 weeks.
I thought that they were over depressingly easily and were little more than a bit of a heavier period.
I wanted it to be worse to match how bad I was feeling

I'm sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss
I am a bit on the fence here. My 8 week miscarriages were manageable at home, one needed cocodamol, the other was much less painful and neither gave any alarming quantities of bleeding.
There are many threads on here saying "Why do women tell such horror stories about birth?" so obviously a lot of women don't want to know bad stuff.
I would prefer more realistic advice. Perhaps they need to have a simple leaflet and a more detailed leaflet. But a lot of women would be terrified by honest advice.

Sorry for your loss.

My 6 and 7 week losses were like horrible painful periods. My 9 week came after bleeding from 6 weeks, I passed very large clots for 2 days and had significant blood loss before my mc became 'complete' I then had spotting the next day then mercifully no more bleeding. I think we all experience it differently but I was given no warning at all as to what it would be like and my 9 week was my first loss.

I wish the myth of 'if you see a heartbeat your baby is safe' was stopped. We saw the heart beating on two scans prior to our loss and held onto false hope because of that myth

apple not the thread for a political jibe

I'm so sorry for your loss orchid

The leaflets and info from the NHS should DEFINITLY say that while some women find a mc to be like a heavy period. or even a 'normal' one, others find them to be very, very much more painful and with lots of bleeding and definite contractions. I honestly don't understand why the leaflets do not reflect the vastly differing and severe experiences many have.

Like Ronald, mine were over easily and felt like normal periods. And I also 'wanted it to be worse to match how bad I was feeling'. Because it was so undramatic, I felt like I was being ridiculous to be so upset for so long!

to you OP and all. Miscarriage is so hard and sad.

ApplePaltrow, I in now way looking for someone to "blame". No where in my thread have I said that I blame anyone for my mc. That's just an unfortunate thing that happens and is no one's fault.

Im not saying I want to sue the NHS because I got a bit upset about what happened or something ridiculous like that which is what I assume youre talking about.

Im just saying women going through this could be given a bit more info. I dont think giving a bit more info on what to expect is going to cause the crumbling of the NHS.

I ended up googling to find out if what I was experiencing was normal, and found many posts online of people basically asking the same, so Im clearly not alone.

I appreciate this doesnt represent everyones experience though.

I had a MMC at the 12 week scan (foetus measured 9 weeks). I was booked in for an ERPC three days later and was given leaflets about what to do if I started to mc at home. What I was told though that if I did start to mc and was saturating more than 4 pads an hour to call the hospital and was given a ward number to call.

The next day I did start to mc at home, at first manageable but after a few hours I couldn't leave the toilet as was passing fist sized clots. I called the hospital ward and was told to come straight up. Shortly after getting there collapsed with blood loss and was eventually sent for an emergency ERPC ( after a doctor trying to remove the foetus manually while I was tripping on gas and air, nice). In all I was estimated to gave lost 3ltrs of blood in 5 hours or so and just escaped needing a transfusion.

I don't know if mine being a missed miscarriage made a difference to the blood loss (as opposed to a loss when the foetus stopped developing) but I do feel very grateful for the mw advice I was given at my scan to not hesitate to come back if I thought the mc wasn't progressing as expected. It's clear that without emergency treatment I would have likely been in big trouble.

If saturating 4 pads in an hour, please please seek help ( I ended up lining my pants with my 2 yr olds nappy to see the short drive to hospital and even that didn't contain the blood loss). I was lucky in a way as I knew I was mc and had been given info on what to do and a contact number. For anyone else having severe blood loss, please do present at A&E as it could well be an emergency.

I'm sorry for your loss OP, and hope things ease off for you soon xxx

My first one was like a heavy period with painful cramps... My second was like that at first but then I would get gushes with no warning for weeks! Literally pouring out of me and flooding maternity pads. They should mention the possibilities as I was really worried.

YANBU. I had an MMC at 10.5 weeks and it was horrific. I had contractions and heavy bleeding/flooding/clots and ended up being admitted to hospital for pain control and to monitor blood loss. I also had been warned prior to this that it might be like a heavy period. I normally have heavy, painful periods but it was far, far worse. I ended up having tissue removed by forceps to try and halt the bleeding. Grim. That said, the staff were so amazingly sympathetic and kind and I will never forget how supportive they were.

So sorry for your loss Orchid.
I couldn't agree more with you about the lack of information given.
My GP told me when I was about to miscarry at 11 weeks that it would be like a heavy period.
I don't know if this is what she actually believes or if she was trying not to be alarmist but I would much rather have been prepared for what could happen.
I was shocked by the contractions and the amount of blood and tissue I passed.
Miscarrying subsequently at 12 weeks was just as painful physically and emotionally, but knowing what to expect made it easier to cope with.
I found ,for me,even miscarring at 6/7 weeks was very obviously different to a period in terms of pain and blood loss.
Thank goodness for all the information and support on Mumsnet, I think it would be useful if they had mumsnet contact info on the leaflets they give out in the EPAU!

I had definite contractions and had to breathe my way through an early miscarriage, it was very distinctly not at all like a painful period.

YANBU my first loss at 6 weeks was worse than my 2nd at 9+3, partly due to different types of mc and partly as I was in hospital and doped up following surgery for 2nd plus the surgery meant there was less for my body to expel naturally. It's complicated big yes I think in a situation like this it's better to be honestly prepared, also that way women are less likely to query or go to a&e unnecessarily. (Not that they should be put off if they want to but if they want their privacy it's best if that's achieved where possible). I'm on the mc assoc fb page and a member and often hive feedback on how its handled in this country as its dealt with very differently in other countries in mine and friends experiences.

So sorry for your loss OP

And to others who've been there

Orchid sometimes information is outdated and not appropriate, could you call someone and let them know so that with the next printing (if paper or computer update if online) they could change the wording to include a wider variety of experiences.

I still have occasional bitter thoughts about the fact that none of the medical professionals I saw during my mc told me I'd get contractions. I ended up in a&e on a Friday night because the pain was horrific and I'd bring expecting a painful period - not breathtaking pains like someone was twisting my insides.

I think a lot of places have very poor miscarriage care. Little things like there not being a a chair in the little room off the scanning waiting room which meant I had to sit with all the happy, excited people while I waited (almost 2 hours as they scanned very strictly in appointment time order despite the fact I had to change pad twice).