Aibu to think the NHS should be more truthful about mc?

[orchidnap]

This pregnancy has been fully of uncertainty with slow rising hcg, and scans that took a long time to really slow anytbing, so it was always in the back of my mind that a mc was coming. Today it finally happened. I was 7 weeks.

The info leaflet I'd been given said that miscarriage in first trimester was "like a heavy period" and may experience some pain.

This was a vast understatement. Everyone I've spoken to said the same.

If this was the days before the internet and being able to Google things I'd have assumed something was very wrong and presented at a&e.

I just feel like it's an awful enough thing to have to go through without the panic and shock of what actually happens vs what they tell you.

I've had mcs which have ranged from barely more than a normal period to one horrific one where I ended up in hospital for 5 days and a blood transfusion and was really not myself for months after.
I'm sorry for your loss OP X

Mine was sudden debilitating pain, worse than childbirth but kind of in contractions. I'd had severe cramps beforehand. I ended up in A&E then hospital for a few days. I didn't know I was pregnant (coil) so not sure how many weeks.

Definitely worse than a heavy period. It's taking a while to recover too, I'm finding it very hard.

orchid so sorry for your loss.
I agree the advice and leaflets should give a more balanced view. I lost DD's twin at 7 weeks and the blood was literally gushing out of me, really horrendous and many times worse than my (heavy) periods.
Do look after yourself and allow yourself time to recover

Couldn't agree more (3 MCs at 10-11w here and the NHS line was "a heavy period). The OH nurse at work was the only one that warned me it might be worse and it was - contractions very painful, lasted about 2 hours each time.) After the first one of course I knew what to expect so when I was MCing for the second tume I went to the GP to ask for pain relief and had a job convincing him to prescribe anything. He gave me the weakest co-codamol they can give you. He clearly believed the " heavy period " bullshit too.

I agree with you. I had three and none were like a "heavy period". With one, I lost so much blood I kept passing out and was admitted to hospital by ambulance. I suspect that the people who write the leaflet have never actually experienced a miscarriage.
I didn't find the pain that bad but it is similar to the beginning of childbirth rather than a period so it probably depends a bit on whether you have previously given birth.

My two later miscarriages, 12 and 17 weeks were dealt with in hospital and under ga. The earlier ones, about 6/7 weeks, four or five, were like periods with bigger hormone crashes, except the last which went on for 4/5 weeks due to an infection.

What was the same every time was the incomprehensible grief and feel OK Ng of failure. That I think needs better handling. I can't lust all the insensitive comments made by HCPs and my youngest is now 17 so it is historic but still raw. "did you want it" "can you stop sobbing, there's a twelve year old as well in recovery and you'll upset him" and at a booking apt when the midwife had a dr's letter in front if her noting also DS2's birth and death five months earlier "is this baby planned?". I'm not sure if some of the insensitivity is due to desensitisation, lack of or poor training or just plain idiocy.

So sorry for your loss.

My MC was much as the NHS description - some bleeding (there wasn't even that much, for me, less in fact than my usual quite heavy periods) and discomfort that built up to about three hours of fairly unpleasant pain that I now suppose must have been contractions. I didn't call it in when the pain got really bad as it was 3am and given I was not bleeding heavily I didn't think there was much they could do. It was all over by the time I had my scan the next day.

I suspect standard NHS information on MC is geared more towards pragmatic purposes than anything else: they tell you what is normal and what symptoms to look out for as potentially dangerous and needing medical intervention and that's about it. From their point of view the key message to get across is about when to come into hospital and they are less concerned about informing women of the full range of possible MC experiences. I suppose as well that pain is very subjective so 'some pain' could be interpreted differently by different people.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am suffering similarly and wish I had been warned, not just about the pain but about the miscarriage itself.
I went to A&E on Monday due to brown blood. An earlier miscarriage had me on high alert and I just felt things were not right. After 6 hours I was finally given a scan, 8 weeks but there was only a yolk sac and no fetal pole. The sonographer kept telling me over and over that the pregnancy was perfect, progressing as they would expect and everything was wonderful, not to worry at all. She confirmed twins (though said the twin could be a clot but that was unlikely). She even went on to say that the next day I would probably bleed a little bit due to the internal scan and not to panic. She looked me in the eye and told me all was well, my pregnancy was perfect and please, don't worry.
The very next day I went into quick contractions and passed what was there. It was over.
Yesterday I went to the early pregnancy unit to get a final scan though I was well aware of what had happened. They told me from Monday's scan pictures it was obvious that the pregnancy had not continued passed the 5-6 week mark and the 'twin' was bleeding, the start of the miscarriage. I believe the sonographer I saw just didn't have the courage to tell me what was going on. She kept whispering to the other doctor in the room and after the scan she left and we never saw her again. We got an appointment card for the EPU and eventually just left as it was clear no one was coming back.
Had I been warned on the Monday that was happening it would not have come as a shock that I was passing everything on the Tuesday and I could have prepared myself (and my fiancé) for the inevitable. I had definitely made it all worse, compounding the grief and pain with utter shock and devastation.

I'm very sorry for what you've been through; it sucks.

I've had 6 mcs. Two were so-called mmcs and I had an ERPC before any bleeding started. One, the earliest, was complete and really rather like a heavyish period. In two I miscarried the sac, with moderate pain - the later one of these felt like a brief series of mild contractions. One started naturally but completed medically and that was the one with the worst discomfort. None of those latter experiences were like 'a period', although I think someone with very heavy and painful periods might rate their experience higher on the physical pain scale than I would have mine.

I wonder whether the use of this terminology is a well-meaning attempt to take the fear out of the experience? I think it does misrepresent it in a lot of cases, and also runs the risk of appearing to minimise, tbh.

To offer a slightly different perspective, a "heavy period" depends on what you are used to.

I have heard tales of people bleeding through inco pads, needing transfusions etc after miscarrying. That never happened to me. I thought mine were like bad periods.

Most of my third m/c happened in the loo at the hospital while I was waiting for an appointment due to it being imminent. The male gynaecologist, having asked me questions, and me saying the bleeding was "like a heavy period" and that I'd thought the miscarriage was probably complete, decided to examine me so I got on the table and he had a look. He looked then abruptly turned and walked away quickly saying there was "far too much blood to see anything" and looked quite shaken. I was left feeling as if I had somehow unintentionally conned him into examining me and freaking him out by the amount of blood! He was a gynaecologist FGS, he must have seen far worse bleeding. To this day I am perplexed - to me it really wasn't that heavy bleeding, no worse than a bad period, and compared to other accounts I have read it wasn't either, yet the one person you'd think would have "seen it all" seemed really taken aback. Oh I dunno, I suppose he was youngish, maybe it was his first day . . .

(Disclaimer: I have recently had v bad anaemia which is due to very heavy periods and I didn't think they were that bad either - again I reckon all the horror stories over the years of people that can't leave the house during their period made me think that, eg I can leave the house = they can't be that bad then!)

Yanbu.

My first mc at 12 weeks was much like a very heavy and painful period bar being very aware of when I passed the foetus.

2nd time at 13 weeks was like a mini labour. Gush of small water loss, then contractions I had to concentrate and breathe through with exceptionally heavy blood loss that eventually caused me to loose consciousness and I was whisked away in an ambulance. At A and E the foetus was then removed from my cervix by forceps. So not a heavy period then.

Just being a bit more truthful would be helpful as the NHS obviously see all ends of the spectrum and would put a lot of minds at ease that what is happening is normal.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Everyones experience is different and the information provided should reflect that. I miscarried at 11+6 and for me it felt like contractions in early labour and I bled more than I thought possible.

All you can do is take it one step at a time. Grieve as much as you need to. Sending you lots of strength

YANBU . I have had two at 11 and 12 weeks. The first I was booked after scan and had a D&C. The second one I was encouraged to take tablets and wait at home. I had a lot of blood loss and collapsed in the toilet and passed out. Luckily my Dh was there and he got me to hospital. I have gone on to have three children but the pain, panic and sorrow are very real and shouldn't be underestimated.

*of the miscarriage.

YANBU - but it really does vary. I've had three MCs - first at 8w was painless and just like a period until right at the end, where I passed the foetus/sac/placental tissue in one massive clot. Second was twins at 7w - no clots, no pain, just a lot of blood loss. I ended up with an ERPC though as they sonographer thought it could be a partial molar pregnancy. Third time round at 8-9w, again it started out like a normal period, then two days of passing multiple olive-sized clots, again pretty much pain free. The massive hormonal crash'/grief that come alongside has gotten worse each time. Look after yourself.

My mc pain was worse than birth contractions. But different for everyone.

Should definitely tell the truth instead of trying to sugar coat it. I get that they don't want to scare people, but I wish I had been more prepared than I was...I was also just expecting a period. I won't go into what actually happened as I am sure all of you ladies know already

Zombie

In fairness the doc I saw warned that I could pass out through the pain.

My 1st trimester MC was like a heavy period, physically.

The only difference was the hormonal crash. I was ready to murder someone, it was that extreme.

And just spotted the zombie!