Should I tell them our side aka the truth?

[justkeepongoing]

This is very difficult to post but I really need to off load and get some advice...here goes!
My F is currently in hospital suffering with a stroke and dementia as a result. Sadly his long term partner has also passed away, very unexpectedly, this week. We've had limited contact over the years primarily of his doing but also because of the way she treated myself and my siblings and also my mother, verbally and in writing.
To cut a long story short we believe that my father led his late partner to believe that our mother had chucked him out without anything to his name. The reality is that he left my mother ( wasn't consistent in seeing us, his children) and lived with another woman for a further 8 years, whose daughter called him Dad, who threw him out with nothing(my mother actually put him up at this point but due to his bad behaviour-drinking/inappropriateness asked him to leave as I felt uncomfortable). He told my brother many years ago, when he first got together with partner, never to tell partner about OW!
He then took up with my grandmothers neighbour and they've been together until she passed away. We've always been incredibly close to his sister my Aunt as is my mother. He has actually distanced himself from his whole family.
Now the problem my sister, brother and I are having to deal with matters ( brother is sole executor) and their neighbours who have been 'their rocks' - their words are being very cool with us. F has obviously spun them a tale over the years but his inability to support my siblings or I has left us feeling very upset. We know all the facts they know his version.
My dilemma despite it being a difficult time do I enlighten them?
I'm prepared for people to say no but I'm now in my 50's and I feel that we are the ones who should feel aggrieved having had a shit childhoods!
Incidentally the neighbours were added to an amended will at the beginning of the year. In all honesty everything will now go on his care as is the right thing and we've never had any help from him so why start now!
Thank you for reading.

I grew up in a similar situation - father had an affair with mum's best mate and left mum and us (I have 3 siblings). We never had any contact from him I was 2, never a birthday card etc. Mum was blamed, untrue and unfair.

In your shoes I don't think I could support his cover story. I would put the record straight especially before he died so they could if they wished clarify this with him.

I couldn't support such lies being said about my Mum. It was wrong of him to ask that of anyone.

Do what you feel is right.

Keep all communications channels open with honest & straightforward explanations. The Care co-ordinators in charge of safeguarding & decisions under the Mental Capacity act will smell the truth & the lies and spot the financial interests, as long as they know about them. They should also observe your fathers rights to see both his friends and his family, and for everyone not always to see eye to eye. This does sound like complex family dynamics & if you all agree, as siblings you might need to nominate one of you to deal with different parts of the system, social contacts and finances. Unless the neighbours have registered powers of attorney they won't be able to make decisions about your Dads care or finances, but you might need Power of attorney or deputyship too to do things like pay his care bills. Look at your local councils website for information about arranging care for your father under the care act. The neighbours have also just had a loss, but may see if you're honest & polite with them that not everything they were led to believe about you was true.

Thank you lovely Mners for all your support. Your advice has been invaluable and has enabled my sister, brother and I to finally put to rest our father's lies. My brother and I attended the funeral of his partner out of respect as our father was deemed too ill to be there by his Consultant. We also took our frail aunt (my dad's sister) and uncle who also wanted to be there for us.
His partner's family were warm to us and alluded to the fact that they felt something was amiss, didn't know what, but didn't blame us.
The neighbours were cool BUT ' I got my day in day in court' so to speak. We told them the truth in a controlled manner, without histrionics, and they were gobsmacked. Yes they thought my mum had kicked him out. Yes they thought we were uncaring. They couldn't believe that Mum had supported him.
As we left they hugged us warmly and hoped we'd keep in touch.
We will work with them to ensure Dad has sufficient support as they are the people who know him best.