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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge or not to charge that is the question

98 replies

Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 07:03

We're off on Hoilday soon as many are and have told my older son her can bring two friends (he's a teenager)

The ferry is the same price no matter the number of people however there will be food and outings costs and one of his friends only eats halal meat so

Should I ask for some money to cover the cost of the food for the week as I will be cooking for eveyone every day

My friend says not as I invited them however this is a Hoilday not a day out and I would full expect to pay for food and travel if my don was invited abroad

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2016 19:57

I would offer to contribute, btw. But I wouldn't ask if I was the one issuing the invitation.

AhHaaaaa · 13/04/2016 22:43

Of course you can ask for money at a later date!
The initial invitation was just from one friend to another, when you speak to the parents to confirm, that's when you can ask. That's just bullshit that becuase the son asked another son it's too late to ask for money.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 22:46

Your attitude kinda stinks now tbh. Petulant.

SpiritedLondon · 14/04/2016 00:56

Well you could have a conversation about spending money..... Perhaps ask if the children will be responsible for their own spending money or whether they would like you to hold onto the money for them. This way you introduce the subject of money and at least introduce the concept of spending money with the parent to ensure they don't rock up with nothing. Hopefully this will trigger a conversation where they then offer you some money for keep as well. ( terrible grammar, sorry it's late😉)

LettingAgentNightmare · 14/04/2016 07:37

So your son has to tell one of his friends he's ditched?

Awesome.

FoxInABox · 14/04/2016 11:22

There's no way that I wouldn't contribute if a friend was kind enough to take my children on a day out, never mind a holiday! I would be sure to give them spends and give the adults money towards food etc too. I think it's really cheeky to not offer this at least.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2016 12:04

'I would expect to pay for my child to go away with another family I would expect to chip in for food ,travel and all outings and spending money this is not a day trip or having someone round for the day '

But because I am respectful of other peoples' finances and don't know what they are, I'd ask for costs at the time of invitation.

At any rate, this is why I always decline such things: the parents might be dicks. I don't know them, and I don't send my kids off with strangers, even if one is a friend.

Primaryteach87 · 14/04/2016 12:11

I don't think you can ask for money. If it was contingent on them contributing you would need to have said that at the point of offering. I have taken friends kids and would only offer if I could afford to pay for them...

mouldycheesefan · 14/04/2016 12:26

Op is not asking for money, she is uninviting them.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2016 12:46

She's not doing anything, her son is.

Imagine this: your son comes home, X inviting me to their family holiday.

You: Oh, that's lovely. I'll ring X's mum about costs.

A day later.

Son: X said no going on holiday with them. He's only allowed to bring one friend and he chose Y.

You: His parents are flakey and X is a bit of a one.

funkky · 14/04/2016 13:01

I would not invite anyone on my holiday if I expected them to pay for anything. I don't understand their financial position and would not want to make them uncomfortable. Even if they offered, I wouldn't take money - i would do it as a good deed that may or not deserve another someday or I just wouldn't ask in the first place if I couldn't afford to cater for them.

mouldycheesefan · 14/04/2016 13:02

Why don't people read the ops update before answering? 🙄

LeaLeander · 14/04/2016 13:14

This is why parents need to be the adult. The offer/invitation should have gone from you to the boys' parents in the first place. With all terms specified.

Then the parents can ascertain their sons' interest and get back to you.

Pretty bad to disinvite at this point but if it would be a tense time with your husband fuming, guests would be miserable. Maybe think these things through more before son blurts out offers to friends.

ZenNudist · 14/04/2016 13:38

Nasty responses on here. I'd never send a child on a trip let alone a holiday without generous contribution.

It's not really inviting then uninviting if the OP has has a convo with ds, ds got excited and told friends, dh weighs in and says no. Ok in ideal world OP should have talked to dh first but she didn't - it's not that rude. If my dc came home saying a friend invited them on holiday Id tell them to wait until I'd discussed it with their parents. Until then if assume all up in the air.

BananaThePoet · 14/04/2016 17:06

When I was a kid I used to get invited to go on holiday with friends' families often because otherwise my friends would have had a more boring holiday stuck with just parents and the parents thought I was a good influence and sensible (which shows how wrong parents can be LOL) and I got sent with pocket money but I don't think my parents paid anything for me and I got re-invited so I think that means the inviters were okay with that.
Then when I became a parent myself if I invited a friend of sprog's for anything we'd do the paying as hosts as I would with anyone I invited for anything. If I couldn't afford it I wouldn't invite them. Same thing with his pals when he was little - he got invited to things and the host paid.
I think the benefit of having a companion for the host's kid is the bargain you get in return for paying for food etc.

tilliebob · 14/04/2016 17:13

Even if someone else was taking my dc out with them for the day I give the parents money towards an extra ice cream, treats in the gift shop, etc. Last time one of my dc went to the zoo with a friend I gave the mum £20 towards treats. It's only manners, surely?!

LagunaBubbles · 14/04/2016 17:14

It's not really inviting then uninviting if the OP has has a convo with ds, ds got excited and told friends, dh weighs in and says no

OP said in her first post We're off on Hoilday soon as many are and have told my older son her can bring two friends

So yes both have been invited to come and now one is getting uninvited!

happybee1 · 14/04/2016 17:21

It's a bit sad that all this has gone wrong when it was going to be something nice. Also a shame that your son has to now uninvite 1 or both of his friends.
I do agree that 3 is an awkward number and remember that bringing friends on holiday sometimes led to fallouts. My mum used to invite my friends on holidays abroad with us. They used to pay for their flights but that was it and holiday was usually 2/3 weeks. My mum could afford it and wouldn't have offered otherwise.
My dd got invited to holiday with a friend in this country. I offered to contribute but the parents refused. I sent my dd with spending money and also extra to offer again. Having said all this I would never offer to take anyone's child anywhere unless I could afford to cover the cost. I think the parents probably would have offered anyway but it's irrelevant now. Hope u have a lovely holiday x

pollylovespie · 14/04/2016 17:27

Fucking hell, you invite, you pay. And you don't invite if it means an extra car, that is nuts. Most people would give a gift, or extra spending money so their child could treat, but it's unbelievably stingy to charge people. Do you charge if people come for dinner too?

iluvmykids28 · 14/04/2016 22:21

When are you going? You could mention it and say perhaps that you forgot to mention that each boy will need to bring £30 or so to cover food etc. Very rude of the parents not to offer.

Orda1 · 14/04/2016 23:05

Did I get this right they're 16? Isn't that a bit old to be going on holiday with a friends parents?

Floggingmolly · 17/04/2016 17:56

Why, Orda? Very few 16 year old's can finance their own holidays.

Floggingmolly · 17/04/2016 18:02

The parents weren't given much of a chance to offer, were they? The invitation was rescinded the next morning. There's every chance they would have offered, most people would, but otoh op shouldn't have invited them if it was absolutely imperative they pay their way.
I'm confused as to the extra car being necessary only because the friends were included. Why would you invite people you didn't need to in the first place, and then whinge that they're making you incur extra fuel costs??

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