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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge or not to charge that is the question

98 replies

Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 07:03

We're off on Hoilday soon as many are and have told my older son her can bring two friends (he's a teenager)

The ferry is the same price no matter the number of people however there will be food and outings costs and one of his friends only eats halal meat so

Should I ask for some money to cover the cost of the food for the week as I will be cooking for eveyone every day

My friend says not as I invited them however this is a Hoilday not a day out and I would full expect to pay for food and travel if my don was invited abroad

OP posts:
firesidechat · 13/04/2016 08:25

Sorry for the double post. MN is playing up.

ohtheholidays · 13/04/2016 08:34

Of course they're parents should help with the cost.

Some of our best friends(a couple and they're 2 DC)invited our daughter away on they're holiday last year in the UK for 10 days.They kept telling us they wouldn't take any money so we gave it to our DD so that she could give it to them whilst they were away Grinwe also bought alot of treats for the trip down there for all 5 of them to save them some money and we bought a Thank you gift for the parents and a gift for each of they're DC to have whilst they were away.

And they're friends of ours and we've helped them out alot in the past with lifts and pick ups of they're children for school and I've been friends with the Mum for 27 years we went to school together,but we'd never have let her go without us contributing something to the holiday.Our DD also had her own spending money though that didn't stop them spending money on her the sods. Smile

Collaborate · 13/04/2016 08:39

I'm with those who say you can't charge now. You'll have to fund all days out yourself, but I suggest you decide how much spending money you're going to give to your son, and what it's to be for (ice creams or other stuff), and tell the other parents. It's then up to them what they give their children.

diddl · 13/04/2016 08:39

Just ask, OP.

Tell the parents not to forget spending money & £30, or whatever to cover their share of the food bill.

ohtheholidays · 13/04/2016 08:43

We've always covered the cost of a day out for our DC friends because I think we should as we've invited them.But for a whole week,no I think you should ask OP.

How long ago did you offer to take them?and have the parents spoken to you yet?

With the halal meat as well I know that used to be expensive when my Dad had to buy it for me and that was years ago.

Alexa444 · 13/04/2016 08:53

Bit late to ask now. Really rude to spring extra costs on someone later. But the one friend would be eating what was put in front of him, I wouldn't be pandering to the halal stuff. If he couldn't eat it then he would spend the week a veggie.

Drinksforeveryone · 13/04/2016 08:54

I agree with all the PP that you can't ask now - not once you have invited the boys and they have accepted.

BUT the parents should offer a contribution. If nothing else aren't having to feed/heat/electrically power Smile their child for a week

What is key is the ages of the boys invited. Would you not want to have a chat with their parents to discuss dates and times of pick ups - plus what they may want to take in their luggage for certain activities ? That would be the optimum time for the parents to offer some £.

It's very generous of you to take them.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2016 08:56

No, you invited them. You knew they'd have to eat... If you invite someone round to dinner you don't expect them to divvy up for their share of the food costs; this is exactly the same thing times 5.
The parents may well send cash for their kids to treat you all anyway.

AdoraBell · 13/04/2016 09:02

What FloggingMolly said.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/04/2016 09:05

Unless it was otherwise stated, if one of my children received an invitation to join someone on a family holiday I would assume that the inviting family would treat them as part of the family for a week and build the costs for hosting them into the cost of the holiday.
I would not expect my child to be presented with a bill for part of a pizza, entry to whatever activity the family were doing etc etc. If you invite, you bear the cost imo.

I have NO problem with an invitation which comes with associated cost or conditions at all, and I would certainly enquire and offer to contribute to a family pot so I am amazed that you have not heard from either parent.

Asking for food costs - it may be too late now, but if you expect them [which is fine] to cover their own costs for local attractions / entries to pools / occasional meals out then you should definitely suggest a spending amount and indicate what the weeks plan will look like.

charlestonchaplin · 13/04/2016 09:05

I think it is a very British thing to refuse generosity because you fear that something will be demanded from you in return, something you may not want to give. Where I come from you don't make like a big man if you are not prepared to be a big man.

Why can people not be straightforward and honest? If you want someone to contribute to the cost, tell them from the outset. You can never know the true state of their finances, why put them in the uncomfortable position of having to say, 'Oh we can't afford it after all', or they have to struggle with other, more important bills in order to save face.

I wouldn't send my child empty-handed, but taking gifts or treating the hosting family is a different matter. I hate this attitude that nobody can ever be generous without there being a price to be paid by the recipient at some point.

Original poster
Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 09:08

No I told my son they would need to put into the kitty but you no how teens are not sure if he's told them I think £35 each would cover it plus they can bring spending money that's £70 then to cover for food and petrol

The travel is covered but it's just the food and trips my son 16 eats a huge amount so I can only think how much two bigger boys will eats also one of the friends has requirements we wouldn't usually cater for in our shop

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 13/04/2016 09:10

Petrol?? They should not be sharing petrol costs for a journey you're making anyway Hmm. Can you not see how that would actually put you in profit??

Original poster
Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 09:10

Btw he only asked last night obsively I only have my sons version of what he actually said

So when I speak to the parents I will make it clear that this is a Hoilday and outings and food will need to be contributed to

OP posts:
Original poster
Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 09:11

Floggingmolly

We are going on a driving Hoilday and will be taking two cars to accomadte my sons two friends I have 3 children and a 5 seater car

OP posts:
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 13/04/2016 09:14

I'm gobsmacked that any parent who's child was invited away would send them off happily without a penny! Shock

If DD was invited away with her friends, I'd certainly give the parents money for food and entry to attractions etc, as well as give DD spending money so that she didn't have to ask when out for drinks, snacks etc to make it easier for the hosting parents.

DD goes with her DGM to Greece for a week each summer, even though she is with family I still always send her with money, it doesn't seem right otherwise.

OP Id be very suprised if the parents didn't offer you money. When is the holiday? I imagine once the friends tell their parents they are invited they will be in touch to sort the details Smile

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 13/04/2016 09:16

Trea I agree with you invite and you pay if it's a day out somewhere, cinema and a pizza etc, but a holiday?! Confused

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 13/04/2016 09:17

tread even!

InsufficientlyCaffeinated · 13/04/2016 09:17

If he only asked last night & you told him they'd need to contribute to food kitty I'd follow up with a call to their parents to sort out details & money

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 13/04/2016 09:18

Hmm as you are taking two cars the holiday will not be remotely the same price as if you didn't take the friends - with a family of 5 you would all be in one car, as it is you must be paying double for the ferry as well as the petrol (plus one driver is going to be with your 2 younger kids and the other taxi driver for oldest son and his friends, which will make for an odd driving holiday!)

However you have invited them and if you haven't told their parents (even though they are teens when it is a request for a fairly substantial amount of money - more than a few pounds - plus leaving the country for a week, you cannot agree to take them away conditional on receiving a financial contribution without speaking to the parents) at the time of the invitation/ at the time the boys said they are interested in coming, it is too late to ask for money now.

The holiday will cost a lot more with the extra car, but you needed to ask for money at the very start.

You can make sure they know to bring their own spending money, and if the parents (or boys themselves) offer kitty money you can accept it - better hope your DS did pass that on!

Are you sure they have passports? Or is the ferry to a Scottish island or somewhere you don't need a passport for?

opensideno7 · 13/04/2016 09:18

Frankly if it was only £60-90 I wouldn't bother it makes you look cheap and you will rack up some kudos points, however their parents should definitely be offering to make a financial contribution.

I would if my kids were being taken on holiday by someone else...

charlestonchaplin · 13/04/2016 09:20

I would send them with spending money. I wouldn't expect to pay for standard meals, because it is a well-known fact that children eat, unless I was told the costs upfront. But, I am quickly learning British ways.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 13/04/2016 09:21

Ah - sorry missed that the invitation was only issued via teen son last night! Blush

You need to talk to the parents asap - for day things/ sleepovers at home there is no need to speak to parents, but for an under 16 you are taking out of the country for a week, and because of the money, you will need to talk directly to the parents - if your son only asked whether they'd like to come last night you do have time to iron out the financials!

honeylulu · 13/04/2016 09:28

So you have sort of asked via the boys but are now waiting to see if that filters through? In hindsight it would have been better to approach parents directly.
I'd say it was rude of parents not to offer a reasonable contribution they could afford. This is particularly pertinent for the lad with special diet needs.
My sister's friend from school was an only child and my sis was often invited on holiday with the family to keep her company. My parents always have them a contribution (£100 for a week in France for example). My mum said on the first occasion when she proffered the cash, she could see how relieved the other mum was. She may have been worried about managing.
On another note my mum often took us for a big day out in London during summer hols and we were allowed to bring a friend each. I can remember mum grumbling that the friend I usually brought never offered a contribution to her train fare, meals, entry fees etc. It was the lack of gesture rather than the cash i think. Many years later friend confessed her parents did always give her money to hand over but she pocketed it instead!

mouldycheesefan · 13/04/2016 09:30

Do not rely on teen son to make the financial arrangements!!!!

Contact the parents, we would love for your son to join us in holiday, the cost will be £X this covers travel, accommodation and food. I would also suggest he brings spending money of £X to cover entry to attractions, any sweets, drinks, souvenirs etc.

He needs to bring towel/ swim stuff/mosquito repellent or whatever specific things are needed for the trip.
Check they have passports and EHIC cards and travel insurance! This is for the parents to sort not you