Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge or not to charge that is the question

98 replies

Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 07:03

We're off on Hoilday soon as many are and have told my older son her can bring two friends (he's a teenager)

The ferry is the same price no matter the number of people however there will be food and outings costs and one of his friends only eats halal meat so

Should I ask for some money to cover the cost of the food for the week as I will be cooking for eveyone every day

My friend says not as I invited them however this is a Hoilday not a day out and I would full expect to pay for food and travel if my don was invited abroad

OP posts:
RidersOnTheStorm · 13/04/2016 09:40

We never expected DCs' friends to contribute to holidays we invited them to come on. They brought spending money for days out etc but it would be plain rude to expect them to pay towards fuel and food.

Original poster
Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 09:52

Thanks were off in July for a week

He ask his friends first as no point talking to parents if they don't even want to come

When I talk to the parents will be making it clear then

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 13/04/2016 09:59

Why don't you invite the parents over to your place for a chat about it all. That way you can make sure they have the right passports/ insurances in place and just explain about where your going. mention the food and come up with a figure you think is fair to cover the cost of food? I assume you are going abroad , so a few things might be cheaper but over all whatever you think would cover buying everything. with two extra mouths to feed you might be grateful to have it all out in the open and up front to start with rather than any awkwardness when they are dropped off after the trip and discover one eats more than the other one or things were more expensive than you thought ( france was not as 'cheap' as I thought it would be in 2012!) Being upfront is hard at first, but also if they cant afford it they can at least back out straight away or something and make sure everyone is aware of the situation!

IdealWeather · 13/04/2016 10:05

Hmm that's a hard one.
As a teen, I invited a good friend of mine to spend a few weeks of the summer hols at my house as she had moved quite far away. There has never been a talk about her paying for food etc... It was very clear that we had invited here therefore we would pay for the food etc...
I would do exactly the same for my dcs friends.

However, I would not send my dcs wo spending money for outings etc... And I would ask the parents if they wanted me to participate to the costs.

I think the bottom line is also whether you can afford it or to TBH (and why would you have proposed that if you can't)

whois · 13/04/2016 11:11

Food costs - no.
Contribution to accommodation and car hire - no.

Saying "oh, I'm giving DS £50 spending money. might be an idea to give your DS a similar amount. Also thinking of maybe taking a trip to [x] and [x], would you be able to send DS with enough money for his entrance? Thanks."

Thisisnotausername · 13/04/2016 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 13/04/2016 11:33

Are you already taking two cars then, OP?

I know I wouldn't take another car just so that one could have a couple of mates with them.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/04/2016 11:37

Whatthefreakinwhatnow

I appreciate that it's not a common view on MN Grin . Perhaps because I wouldn't invite people especially children to come away with my family unless I could afford to cover the cost of hosting them. If I couldn't or there was an element that needed to be paid for I would make it clear up front at the point of the invitation.

Therefore, because I think that way, I would assume unless it was otherwise stated that my child was being offered a free holiday. Wouldn't stop me from offering to cover some costs or sending cash with an older child to pay for a "treat" but I would still make that assumption.

EveryoneElsie · 13/04/2016 11:38

They are getting a holiday for £30, just ask if they can chip in for food.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2016 11:45

'We are going on a driving Hoilday and will be taking two cars to accomadte my sons two friends I have 3 children and a 5 seater car'

So you added on an extra car due to inviting two extra people along? My DD2 has been invited along on things like this and tbh, I always decline. For one, I have no way of knowing if the family has gone to extra expense to have her along. The other thing that concerns me is the dynamics of it all. I send her and don't get the money thing right and she could be stuck somewhere feeling very uncomfortable.

I can't believe you didn't approach the parents first. 16-year-olds aren't the most sensible people in the world.

ukpor · 13/04/2016 11:48

I think if you intended to charge, you should have made it clear at the start. If anyone ever invited my son out and later adds a cost, just based on principle he wouldn't go. However if I'm told upfront there is a cost, I'm more than happy to think about it and most times if I feel it is reasonable I'd let him go.
I really can't stand parents that invite you along sell you an idea and last minute try to sneak in money. If you can't afford to pay for invitees then don't invite them or make it clear from start. It does influence parental decisions. What you consider cost effective I may find a rip off.

AhHaaaaa · 13/04/2016 11:50

Can't understand the start of the thread.
Of course if you only asked them yesterday you need to speak to the parents and say you need £50 as you are taking an extra car to cover them/the ferry food etc.
Any parent who gets offered and not yet talked to you would assume there would be cost involved.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2016 11:56

'I appreciate that it's not a common view on MN grin . Perhaps because I wouldn't invite people especially children to come away with my family unless I could afford to cover the cost of hosting them. If I couldn't or there was an element that needed to be paid for I would make it clear up front at the point of the invitation.'

Same. But then, I'm not British and never heard of children going on holiday with a friend's family.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2016 18:16

Is inviting 2 friends wise? So 3 teenagers - will they divide /squabble /one get left out

Original poster
Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 19:13

It's all off now any way and dh has said for exactly the reasons above only one can come because of potential of falling outs ect

OP posts:
Thisisnotausername · 13/04/2016 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2016 19:19

Dear god.

fastdaytears · 13/04/2016 19:21

When you say it's all off do you mean you've uninvited the two 16 year olds? Shock

eightbluebirds · 13/04/2016 19:24

They shouldn't be contributing to petrol, tbh if you have three kids and a 5 seater were you really only going to take one car and fit all there luggage in?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 19:28

Your poor son. Hope he doesn't end up getting too much shit for this.

Original poster
Catvsworld · 13/04/2016 19:28

Yes we do this when we do camping we have a trailer like most campers so we were going to take the trailer

Dosent matter any way tbh I wish I never agreed to this in the first place it's one child to many for dh and also ds thinks I being mean asking there parents to chip in

I won't extend any invites to any friend of his from now on

I would expect to pay for my child to go away with another family I would expect to chip in for food ,travel and all outings and spending money this is not a day trip or having someone round for the day

But it seems I am in the minority

OP posts:
Dutchess61 · 13/04/2016 19:31

I would offer if someone was taking my DS. In fact if they refused, I'd still give money to DS to contribute. But I also feel you can't ask now.

Of course spending money should definitely be provided by the parents.

AddToBasket · 13/04/2016 19:44

If the invite was only issued yesterday I think it's likely the parents will offer - I know I would.

This is all a bit messy, OP. I think you need to get back control by working out exactly what the contribution should be including everything that might come up. Then ask for this (say £100). Be really clear and don't ask for anything after that. Do you know that the boys' families can afford it?

Thisisnotausername · 13/04/2016 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2016 19:56

I won't extend any invites to any friend of his from now on Confused
Because your ds didn't want to ask them to share the cost?? Do you think you were doing the kids a favour, or something? If the families were expected to pay full whack they might want to have a say in where the kids are actually going...
You invited them for your child's sake, not theirs.
They've probably dodged a bullet, tbh.