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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD3 (9) having no lunch time play for 6 weeks

210 replies

StarOnTheTree · 12/04/2016 17:41

DD3 was really upset after school because every lunch time for the next 6 weeks half of the year 4s have to do jobs on a lunch time, generally looking after the younger kids, cleaning tables, etc. Her job is to get the equipment out in the playground and play with the little kids. She doesn't want to, she just wants to play with her own friends.

I spoke to the teacher who said that they HAVE to do these jobs and if they don't like what they're doing they can swap if another child agrees. Next half term the other half of year 4 will do it instead and then they'll carry on like this in year 5.

If it was just one day a week I wouldn't have a problem with it but every day other than eating lunch DD3 has to 'work'. AIBU to think that this is totally out of order?

OP posts:
Mabell · 15/04/2016 16:20

what are the lunch time supervisors doing and if your child gets hurt or injured getting out this equipment are the school insured

NKFell · 15/04/2016 16:38

I think whilst it's good to get them to do lunch duties, they shouldn't be doing it every day.

Cath40t · 15/04/2016 16:41

I get the, wiping the tabes etc. But helping with younger children? Surely that should be a thing they can volunteer for. My kids school had sign up sheets to volunteer with the younger kids/special needs kids. Sometimes they missed actual school to go have lunch with them!

jamila169 · 15/04/2016 16:45

that's the wrong way round, some people with Hypermobility syndrome/EDs have pots, but not all, it's not a cardiac condition, it's an endocrine one caused by excessively stretchy blood vessels that fail to cope with returning blood efficiently when you stand up /go upstairs , to keep the blood going to your brain the endocrine system throws out adrenaline which causes a rise in pulse (your heart isn't beating harder, just faster) in the gap between standing and your heart rate rising to get blood to your head, you generally feel dizzy and faint, and may faint if your overall fitness levels aren't good. Preventative measures such as staying well hydrated, getting salt in your diet and doing calf pumps before getting up help a lot, but some people need meds -I'm one of the lucky ones that doesn't.
As for the hypermobility, the best person to see is a specialist in the disorder, as they've got the expertise needed in all that areas it affects. I was in the same boat as OP's daughter at that age, and it's when the joint pains really kick in as your hormone levels start to rise in preparation for puberty, it's bloody miserable

upthegardenpath · 15/04/2016 16:53

Bloody hell OP - you're right to be appalled. I would be too. The odd bit of 'pen monitor' or 'register to office monitor', or buddying younger kids, that sort of thing is fine and good, because it teaches them about extra responsibilities.
What your school is doing goes way beyond the experience - it's slave labour!

jamila169 · 15/04/2016 16:57

That makes me so mad, Star - I was in the same position as your daughter (I have hypermobility/EDS3) and the joint pains just seem to get laughed off or brushed aside (DS2 also has EDS3 , his teachers are no more sympathetic than mine were). At that age, reaching through a gate and twisting round to unlock it would have caused shooting pains in my wrists bad enough to make me feel sick, followed by a long period where my hands and arms felt like they'd fallen asleep, and another heap added to the shitpile of fatigue that never went away. I would be going to the head (spent so much time in the head's office with DS2 that i became 'that parent' ) and telling them that DD was not going to be doing the job, and that you'd be taking it to the LA/ Governors/whoever else could make their life uncomfortable if they persisted

Lukesme · 15/04/2016 16:57

Just go for the meeting and if you are not happy put it in writing. If stead look at complaints and what has been done so it will force them to review the situation. I am all for jobs and responsibilities but that's extreme and sounds like exploitation. What about kids who go home for lunch ?

Scooterloo · 15/04/2016 17:31

YANBU, Risk assessment, insurance issues, safeguarding issues - email to head, then to LA & Ofsted.

When can kids just be kids? Makes me furious on your behalf. Angry

SarahS1985 · 15/04/2016 17:56

This, according to DH, contravenes the UN convention on the rights of the child which states that all children have a right to play in article number 31. Allowing children to play is not a choice, it's their human right. They have a right to play just as much as they have a right not to go to war. Might sound a tad dramatic but I think it's appalling. Their right to play mustn't be underestimated.

LisaThope555 · 15/04/2016 18:06

First thing I would do (my DD yr2 also has hypermobility) is put in writing to the teacher - copied to the head that you are withdrawing your daughter from these 'jobs' until such time as her medical condition has properly been taken into account and a 'job' agreed WITH YOU (as part of her ongoing SEN assessment...!) that is suitable for her - taking her condition into account. She can undertake this in the second 'batch' if necessary so that she does not 'miss out'. Make sure - by handing it to them yourself if possible that they have received this and tell your DD that she is not to do the job - I know this will be hard for her - but she does have to learn to take care of herself and her own condition - it will get harder as she gets older!

I get that kids have to learn to take some responsibility - my DD in yr2 has done 1 week so far of assisting the reception kids with their lunch - fetching water, cutting stuff up, opening packets (a challenge for her!) helping to clear trays etc. All stuff that she has to do herself with her own lunch - under the supervision of dinner hall staff. They do this in the time before they get to have their lunch - the older kids wait/play outside until there is space in the dinner hall for them. They do everyday for 1 week at a time - they might get to do 2 weeks over the year. But once they get their lunch - they continue as normal going outside afterwards. Our school (a 30 kids per year group size) uses the kids to do a variety of things - for example I remember some of the better readers in year 5 going into reception to read to the little kids during class time etc. I'm all for this - but I agree that all lunch time is too much - they do need downtime.

ASISAYNOTASIDO · 15/04/2016 18:32

Nuts. There is plenty of research showing how much kids need movement and playtime in order to process the lessons they have had earlier and to be more alert - the pressure of doing these jobs is not something she needs to learn at this stage. Ask to see the teaching based evidence - if they can't or won't give you a reasonable explanation then throw the rattle out if the pram. On the basis of hypermobility lalone I would refuse - DS1 is same due to dyspraxia and couldn't handle that and he's 14!

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 15/04/2016 18:35

Honestly she needs to suck it up. It's six weeks not for ever.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff · 15/04/2016 18:36

slave labour Grin

dowhatnow · 15/04/2016 18:54

Even 16 year olds have to have a half hour break when doing more than 4 hours work in employment.

quietbatperson · 15/04/2016 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imwithspud · 15/04/2016 20:06

That's excessive. It would be one thing if it was once or twice a week but every day for 6 weeks? It may not seem like a long time to us but as a child 6 weeks can seem like an eternity.

millimat · 15/04/2016 20:18

That's ridiculous. Our year 6 do jobs twice a week at lunchtime, no more.
Personally I'd be writing to the chair of governors about this.

CockacidalManiac · 15/04/2016 20:25

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff
How about RTFT, and then thinking?

Original poster
StarOnTheTree · 15/04/2016 20:51

Gosh, so many posts, thanks for all your input.

It's not just for 6 weeks. This is due to continue through year 5, half a term doing jobs and half a term not doing jobs. Like I've said it's not a problem that the kids have to do jobs but it is excessive and it's also a problem that the staff are not considering DD3's health issues when allocating the jobs. Not one person has said that their DC school do this so that says something.

DD3's current official diagnosis is hypermobility that is causing joint pain and chronic fatigue. The paediatrician is not convinced that that's the whole problem so has referred her to neurology and we're waiting for that appointment now. It's shocking how much her health has deteriorated. Just a year ago she was active, strong and athletic. Until we know the extent of her issues I'd rather not take any chances that will make her condition worse.

Next week's job is coat monitor, shared with another child so that one of them is always there. So I checked with DD3 that it meant 30 minutes on duty, 20 minutes for lunch and then 10 minutes play. I was nearly correct but I was wrong about the 10 minutes play. They have to be on duty at all times other than eating lunch so they don't even get to go outside at all. I honestly don't know what the school is thinking Angry

OP posts:
Kidsrulethishouse · 15/04/2016 22:38

I'd be livid if I found out an older pupil was responsible for taking my youngest to the toilet!

mateysmum · 15/04/2016 23:22

How are you getting on with contacting the Head?

So no break at all when you are cloakroom monitor! That is not on. How do they justify this. The more I hear the more ott it sounds. These are young kids ffs. A sense of responsibility is all well and good but soon they'll be asking them to teach classes and mark homework.

WhySmythie · 16/04/2016 08:48

As a former teacher of yr 4 I'd say this was totally unreasonable! The children really do need to let off some steam and play with their friends. I taught children who would have loved this responsibility but it should be optional. As a mum I'd be saying my dd isn't to be included.

PS if it turns out to be Juvenile Arthritis I'd really highly recommend www.ccaa.org.uk an really great charity who can offer advice, run by parents who've been through it.

Original poster
StarOnTheTree · 16/04/2016 09:03

I'm just drafting my email to the head now mateysmum

And I meant that DD3 has been referred to rheumatology, not neurology!

OP posts:
mateysmum · 16/04/2016 09:26

Good luck with the email Star.

DS 18 has some hypermobility and joint aches and pains/fatigue. It's horrible and invisible so it seems like he's just moaning and lazy. I hope your DD gets the proper diagnosis soon.

Janecc · 16/04/2016 09:30

You are doing exactly what I did with DD. It didn't work. I believe the reason it didn't work is probably because just like me, the school were safeguarding my child. They were just coming it from a completely different angle. i.e. I could have munchausens by proxy and legally couldn't act on what I was are saying. (I obviously do not).
This is why I got the gp to write a letter excusing DD temporarily from swimming pending further investigations. I then got a letter from the cardiologist excluding her permanently.

I've posted about this before. Have you not considered doing the same?