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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD3 (9) having no lunch time play for 6 weeks

210 replies

StarOnTheTree · 12/04/2016 17:41

DD3 was really upset after school because every lunch time for the next 6 weeks half of the year 4s have to do jobs on a lunch time, generally looking after the younger kids, cleaning tables, etc. Her job is to get the equipment out in the playground and play with the little kids. She doesn't want to, she just wants to play with her own friends.

I spoke to the teacher who said that they HAVE to do these jobs and if they don't like what they're doing they can swap if another child agrees. Next half term the other half of year 4 will do it instead and then they'll carry on like this in year 5.

If it was just one day a week I wouldn't have a problem with it but every day other than eating lunch DD3 has to 'work'. AIBU to think that this is totally out of order?

OP posts:
Stormtreader · 13/04/2016 12:59

"She reiterated that they HAVE to do these jobs", did she say why?
What if you said "No, she doesnt HAVE to do these jobs, and I dont give my permission for you to REQUEST that she does."

Janecc · 13/04/2016 13:26

Op do you work? Some children at my dds school are collected at lunchtime and returned for afternoon lessons. I don't know quite how this is done and it is for religious reasons I believe. Could you not look into exercising your right as a parent to do the same? Alternatively, get a doctors note (£25) to get her signed off and prohibited from participating in all these extra curricular activities. I had loads of problems with dds school as she has a medical condition. The school was absolutely crap and I wasted so much energy and tears and sleepless nights. In the end I went to see the GP, he signed her off and the school were just "ok fine, thanks for that." It's just knowing how to cut through the red tape and the school surely won't give you this solution! In any case, I can tell you it is most likely futile trying to argue your case and it simply becomes one of "the computer says no".

wiltingfast · 13/04/2016 13:32

I don't understand why she HAS to do these jobs? Is it part of the curriculum or something?

Am in Ireland so no real use I'm afraid, but it does sound odd?

RidersOnTheStorm · 13/04/2016 13:56

Riders - why is it a good idea for a 9-year-old to have NO lunchtime play for six weeks?

That's not what is happening, read the update.

Original poster
StarOnTheTree · 13/04/2016 13:58

I work from home so I could collect DD3 for lunch each day but it would be a real pita. I think she'd like that for about 2 days and then get bored as she still wouldn't be paying with friends or running around getting some exercise. It's important for her to stay as mobile as possible so playing out is good for her.

And I'd have to try and work with her interrupting me every 2 seconds which is less than ideal Sad

OP posts:
AmusingMinnie · 13/04/2016 14:00

She doesn't have to do it as its not part of the curriculum therefore not compulsory and on that basis plus medical grounds I would put it in writing that I do not consent to my child partaking in the practice other than for one day per week.

AugustaFinkNottle · 13/04/2016 14:19

The gates that she has to unlock are in the school grounds so no DC can escape

But presumably they are gates keeping children out of areas they shouldn't be in, e.g. because they might hurt themselves on the stuff stored there?

storminabuttercup · 13/04/2016 14:26

Just caught up and agree this sounds crazy. I used to love 'helping' at that age but every lunch time for 6 weeks? Not a chance. There's also the potential for cliques to form by splitting the year in two for lunch times for a whole term.
I also don't get why they would take the younger ones to the toilet, it's not their responsibility and surely the little ones can manage alone.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/04/2016 14:30

I had missed that update, Blush - but no playtime for a week isn't OK in my book either, Riders.

Janecc · 13/04/2016 14:32

Ok so taking her home at lunchtime not a great option. Minnie has a point it isn't part of the curriculum so I imagine you are in your rights to exclude her as a parent. Issue with DD was for swimming and as part of the curriculum, I couldn't legally continue to exclude her even though there was a safety issue and the head was very uncooperative. It was an awful time and politics was put before my dds wellbeing as the consequences could have been very serious. The GP signed DD off temporarily pending appointment with the cardiologist and the cardiologist signed her off permanently.
On the chronic fatigue front, I have chronic fatigue. I have read that all chronic fatigue people have POTS. Hypermobility is a symptom, which is often associated with POTS - you really should see a specialist pediatric cardiologist, who is aware of this condition to check as your DD is quite likely to have it with the symptoms you are describing. My DD saw a pediatric cardiologist regarding her reflex anoxic seizures. He checked her out for POTS and hypermobility but she's only got Hypermobility in some joints but it does not affect her day to day life at the moment. I have Hypermobility, which is hereditary and weak wrists so I understand your concerns. Your DD should get special dispensation and if the school refuses when you approach them again, I would say you are prepared to get a doctors note and see what they say.

Mistigri · 13/04/2016 14:49

I think I'd go down the route of a formal written request for more information, ie

  • what tasks the children will be expected to do
  • how they will be supervised (ratio of adults to children)
  • what risk evaluation has been undertaken, if they are doing jobs that would normally be done by a paid adult and especially where the child has a medical problem

Are they a lunchtime supervisor down? If is very odd indeed. You have to be suspicious that money is behind making this compulsory.

grapejuicerocks · 13/04/2016 14:55

Children should volunteer. i bet there are a few from both halves of the class that would more or less like to do the jobs permanently.

I'd be withdrawing my child if she didn't want to do it.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 13/04/2016 14:55

YANBU.

Your child is there to get an education, not to be an unpaid skivvy.

I would point them in the direction of the Law on Child Labour.

Also, allowing older children to take younger ones to the toilet could be a safeguarding issue.

Itinerary · 13/04/2016 15:09

I think it's not necessarily true that they "have" to do those jobs. Surely children are entitled to breaks just like adults in the workplace. I agree with a PP that it sounds like the children are doing things that should be covered by the lunchtime supervisors.

Callmegeoff · 13/04/2016 15:11

Dd2 is in year 6. Her class have jobs all year but are split into teams so she only works one lunchtime a week. Sometimes she plays with reception children and sometimes mans reception. She really likes her jobs but wouldn't want to work everyday. It sounds like your school could organise it better OP particularly as it is such a small school.

purplevase · 13/04/2016 15:18

Learning responsibility is good but in my son's school they could choose what to do. For example. they could be library monitor or a "young leader" helping with games with the younger kids or help out at reception at lunchtime etc. But they could choose and it wasn't compulsory.

Schools should not be imposing admin jobs on the kids because they are short-staffed.

At my son's secondary school they can spend a day on reception. I think it's a great idea. It certainly taught my son new-found respect for the reception staff. But he wasn't forced to do it and that's key. He said yes because he missed a double lesson which he didn't like but was pleasantly surprised by what he got out of the day.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 13/04/2016 16:15

Yanbu. While some children might enjoy, thrive on and benefit from these types of tasks that is not the case for all, so it should definitely be on a voluntary basis. My ds2 is this age but young for it and would not cope with that level of responsibility. Your dd has medical issues. She should be able to to opt out.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2016 16:52

Why should the older children play with the little ones ? Once a week maybe. Not every day

Plus if school is making all children do it then should all swap duties and so diff things daily

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2016 16:59

Plus If all the parents said no the school would have to take heed

Once a week fine

Every day for 6 weeks not

Esp the taking to toilet !!

liletsthepink · 13/04/2016 17:02

Are all the children in year 4 and year 5 well behaved and cooperative in the school, OP? When my DC were a similar age I would not have trusted many of their classmates to be sensible around unlocked gates!

Mistigri · 13/04/2016 17:17

Yes the gates bit is rather worrying. I can't completely trust my 13 year old to lock the front door properly when he goes out!

Honestly OP I would be asking some questions about the supervision levels at lunchtime. In theory, it's a great idea to ask older kids to volunteer to help younger ones (but not to force them) - however kids this age cant take responsibilty for the little ones, there still needs to be adequate adult supervision.

Heifer · 13/04/2016 17:30

Yr 6s have to go on a rota to help in DDs school. Every day 2 x yr6 girls go into the nursery at lunch time (all lunch time) and help. They eat and play with the nursery girls all lunch time so don't get any time to play with their peers that day but it's probably only 3 times per term at most.

They also have to go into the infants playground once a week to play with the girls there - but that is after they have had their lunch with their own class.

During SATS and after yr 5 girls take over from the Yr 6s.

Seems to work well enough. DD didn't really enjoy playing with the infants but as she was with 5 or so other yr 6 girls it was ok.

mateysmum · 13/04/2016 17:36

Even with the new plan I think the extent of these tasks is not appropriate for 9 year olds. No play time for a week can still seem like an age for a child and even a 15min task, plus 20mins for lunch can't leave much time for play. The lunch break should be just that - a break.
I would want to know what adult supervision there is when DD would be unlocking a gate and playing with younger children. I can imagine some 9 yr olds having a great time roughing up the little ones (not your DD of course).

Original poster
StarOnTheTree · 13/04/2016 18:34

Well it just gets worse. DD3 said that her teacher told her that the gates weren't a problem because she only had to do it twice each day. Maybe not a problem for someone whose wrists work properly Hmm I'm so angry! She totally minimised DD3's health issues.

DD3 then said told me that it wasn't just twice because the 2 of them couldn't carry everything in one go so she has to lock the gate and then unlock it to go back for another load. I asked her why they didn't just leave the gate unlocked and it turns out that it IS an external gate and she can't leave it open because the little kids would get out Shock

IMO There's a couple of boys in DD3's class that should not ever be taking younger DC to the toilet or ever be alone with a small child

OP posts:
FelicityR313 · 13/04/2016 18:37

This is lunacy.