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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To call up maternity unit and let them hear the meltdown they've just caused my wife.

253 replies

MissusWrex · 12/04/2016 14:10

Ok well I wouldn't really do that but am feeling very angry right now.

This is my other half's account. She has autism spectrum disorder and dyspraxia.

We had a cesarean section booked for this Thursday. This morning we recieved a call asking us if we could move it up to tomorrow.

We had a discussion about it, checked whether we could change childcare etc. and my wife agreed after she'd worked it through in her head.

We got everything packed and ready. Sat down five minutes ago and received another phone call.

Our appointment had to get changed to Friday. We were given no choice about this, couldn't change back to our original date. Just a sorry, it's got to be Friday now.

We can't get childcare for Friday though I appreciate this isn't the hospitals problem.

What I am very angry about though is that now my heavily pregnant wife is having the mother of all meltdowns upstairs. She is screaming, banging around and I'm just praying she isn't hurting herself. I can't restrain her obviously and she is immensely strong during these episodes which are actually exceptionally rare these days.

It has been a difficult and complicated pregnancy.

AIBU in thinking that maybe they should have just given a little extra consideration given her disability and not changed dates twice in the space of a few hours?

Should I call PALS, I just want to let someone know what this has caused.

OP posts:
BananaThePoet · 14/04/2016 10:37

I haven't read the full 9 pages of comments partly because I am a bit afraid to do so being on the spectrum myself and not wanting to get triggered today by negative, insensitive comments I might encounter.
I wanted to express my sympathy to you and your wife and make a suggestion in case it hasn't already been made. If it has apologies for duplication:

Have you contacted the Equality Advisory and Support Service?
They can be very helpful in situations of this sort in helping you to work out what to do to make you feel the experience has been taken seriously and dealt with appropriately by the organisation that caused you a problem. I've used them for various issues and they made things feel less disastrous by helping me navigate a pathway that was helpful. Organisations tend to behave more co-operatively if they know you have the EAA on board with your situation.
www.equalityadvisoryservice.com/

BananaThePoet · 14/04/2016 10:38

EASS that was meant to be sorry.

summerdreams · 14/04/2016 11:15

I did not realise about about the iugr and previous loses I actually think you should complain. There are many ignorant people on this thread. I believe the nhs has a duty of care they provide a translater for people who cannot speak english so why not provide some one who could help support mothers to be with asd or find someone who could tactfully help with changing dates for people with asd. Why do the nhs need to provide things specifically for diffrent cultures, religions and disabilitys but not for asd? At the end of the day this thread just proves how uneducated people are on the matter. I hope your dw is feeling better Flowers

blackheartsgirl · 14/04/2016 13:11

I see ignorance surrounding autism is still a big issue both on here and in rl too.

I'm not surprised. I've had the husband of a close friend tell me that I should have slapped my son's autism out of him when he was a young child because he's just naughty and a good hiding would have sorted him out.

Op I wish you and your wife the very best

flirtygirl · 14/04/2016 15:36

This thread is so depressing. 8th page in and nicki still being a tosser, i thought noone else would be so rude and the comments kept coming.

Good luck op with the baby, my autistic daughter wants to get married and have children, i prayer she finds someone like you.

Nibledbyducks · 14/04/2016 15:36

Am I missing something here? How can the appointment have been changed for emergencies when it was changed several days in advance?

AlwaysDancing1234 · 14/04/2016 15:38

I hope you and your wife and family are doing ok OP, easier said than done but do try and ignore some of the ridiculous insensitive comments up thread.
I hope all goes as planned for the birth without any more hiccups.

Chinks123 · 14/04/2016 16:01

LondonNicki does anyone RTFT before they comment?! The op has had to justify himself and his wife many times, and has explained that his wife is a brilliant mum to the child they already have. Please go educate yourself on ASD and maybe improve your attitude while you're there.

OP my brother is severely autistic and the slighest change in his routine sends him into meltdown, it is extremely hard to have to explain to him that plans have had to change so I sympathise with you. Best of luck for the birth Smile

EveOnline2016 · 14/04/2016 18:41

Just posting again to say good luck for tomorrow.

Original poster
MissusWrex · 15/04/2016 04:17

Wow, a lot to read on coming back! I hope you don't mind but I'll be catching up later on.

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. Flowers

My wife has adjusted well and is feeling much calmer now (as calm as anyone can be under these circumstances!)

Hopefully I'll be updating in a few hours on how well this long awaited day has gone. Grin

OP posts:
FloatIsRechargedNow · 15/04/2016 04:30

Good luck Missus to you and your DW. Like flirty says, I have a ds with asd and I hope he finds a partner like you.

We hope to hear good news from you soon.

herecomethepotatoes · 15/04/2016 04:55

Good luck?

Know the sex or a surprise?

icklekid · 15/04/2016 05:01

Just came back to say good luck for today op and pleased to hear your wife is as calm as anyone can be prior to giving birth!

Dollymixtureyumyum · 15/04/2016 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Becles · 15/04/2016 07:39

Yesterday 15:36Nibledbyducks: Am I missing something here? How can the appointment have been changed for emergencies when it was changed several days in advance?

My friend had a miscarriage and due to circumstances it took a 2-3 days to happen and arrange surgery to evacuate her womb.

The procedure was actually booked in advance which gave her husband the chance to book leave and was certainly an emergency.

Ladycrazycat · 15/04/2016 07:48

Your poor wife. Flowers for her and Wine for you.

I haven't read the whole thread but get the impression you got some nasty comments from people who do not understand autism.

I would say focus on your wife and the birth for now but I would complain after via Pals. It is quite a basic fact that a lot of people with Autism struggle with change and this should have been factored into her care and should have been avoided if at all possible. Of course it isn't always avoidable but in which case it should be handled sensitively and it could be an important learning point for the team in future.

I'm not on the spectrum however do have some people in my family who are and I myself really struggle with change. I suffer from anxiety and it triggers that hugely. This would have upset me, especially the two changes.

Good luck with the birth and don't let this take away from a really joyous day.

Ludways · 15/04/2016 08:45

I've come back today to wish you luck for later. It's all about the baby and the future today, eeek, you must be excited?

Come back and let us know!

blueobsessive · 15/04/2016 09:19

Very best of luck today. Wishing you both strength

AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/04/2016 10:32

Just wanted to say hope everything goes smoothly today for you and your wife. You sound like a brilliant DH to support your amazing wife and family though this. Be strong together and enjoy those precious newborn snuggles Flowers

toastandbutterandjam · 15/04/2016 11:50

Best of luck to you both! Hope things go smoothly for you Flowers

Draylon · 15/04/2016 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MissusWrex · 15/04/2016 14:01

Hello again!

Our son was born today at 9.30am, very healthy and weighing 7 pounds 4 ounces.

The whole team were absolutely wonderful and fantastic in how they spoke to and treated my wife.

I will contact PALS when we are all settled in just to notify them and suggest maybe having a note on the information they look at before calling patients to help people in the future.

Thank you again for your well wishes, support and views from people in the know too.

Hopefully this thread has opened some people's eyes to what an autistic meltdown really is and that disabilities don't a bad parent make.

OP posts:
Chinks123 · 15/04/2016 14:06

Congratulations to you and your wife OP, glad it all went okay for you. I think this thread has been an eye opener for some people hopefully Flowers

TheDayIBroke · 15/04/2016 14:20

Congratulations Mr and Missus Wrex and DD Wrex, and a big welcome to DS Wrex.
{flowers] Flowers Flowers

I'm so pleased all went well - enjoy each other.

PerspicaciaTick · 15/04/2016 14:36

Congratulations to you all - wishing you much joy in your enlarged family Flowers