to think she's a big selfish meanie?

[WotsitSandwich]

I have an important group presentation at uni coming up in a couple of weeks. The day before is my baby's christening and first birthday party.

We had a choice of three dates for the presentation, said we would go for the first one to get it out the way, all fine. I didn't realise that it was the day after DDs christening otherwise I would have asked to do it on one of the other dates.

I have lots of family flying down from all over the UK - some I haven't seen in years. My best friend who's in the army has also got it off so it will be the first time I've seen her in over a year. I probably have got a bit carried away with it tbh - it's turned into a kind of mini festival tons of food, a big barbecue, bouncy castles and ball pits, bubble machines, a slush puppy machine etc etc but we've budgeted for it and are so looking forward to the day. It's mostly my family that are coming from far away so DP said he will take DD home at bedtime and I can party the night away!

Only a week ago I realised the date problem. I work bloody hard at uni to get top grades and I definitely couldn't do the presentation with a hangover or on lack of sleep so I would have to leave all the people I know and love at a party I paid a ton for about 9 o clock while they all carried on having fun and getting drunk. So, I asked my lecturer if my group agreed, could we change the date - he said of course! I asked my group - 4 of the girls said no problem, it's a once in a lifetime thing. One of the girls said no - she's going to Amsterdam the following week (in term time which isn't allowed obviously) and won't do it the week after as she doesn't want to have to think about it while she's away

I actually begged her to change her mind and she had a go at me, saying I was unfair to put all this guilt on her. We get on reasonably well - I listen to all her inane relationship dramas on the train every day when I just want to listen to music and give her advice (on how to stop getting with other people when she has a boyfriend ).

If it was me, I would go out of my way to help someone out and even if I did want to get it over and done with before my holiday, I would just suck it up and realise that my loss is much less than theirs (I.e me). Is it a British thing? She's Swedish. I don't think I could physically let somebody plead with me like that and not say yes out of pure politeness!

I know there's nothing I can do.. I guess I can stay sober and leave about 11. It just wasn't how I had planned it and I am feeling sad.I know it's my fault for not realising in the first place. But is she just the most teensy weensy bit unreasonable for not just agreeing to change the bloody date? It's not like I'm asking to change it to a date that's closer! She can just do all the work before her holiday and spend an hour the day before when she's home refreshing her memory on what she's going to say surely!?

Either way my bloody headphones are staying firmly in on every train ride from now on

I got pissed at my child's christening. Go for it op (she is being a meanie) (some of my best grades were fine whilst hungover)

Yes do refrain from putting yourself out for her benefit again OP. She's selfish.

Blimey, I also don't understand the outrage at the OP wanting to enjoy the evening of her dd birthday, when her dd will be tucked up! The evening will be a chance to catch up with relatives and friends and yes, why not be allowed to have a drink!

As for the Uni friend, I can see both sides. I can understand why she'd just want to forget about the presentation while away, by that time it should have been all done and dusted, I can understand why you want to change the dates, I can also understand why you feel put out, as you've helped everyone in your group but ultimately you did agree and you're just going to have to live with it.

Sorry but YABU.

You mucked up the dates so it's your problem.

And if you resent the group for not pulling their weight then stop helping them - the fact that you have a job, house, child etc. is nothing to do with them.

If you make sure you have covered your responsibility and done your prep for the presentation two or three days in advance then I don't see the problem.

You sound like some of my senior pupils at school "Oh but I can't do my course assignment/Assessment because I've got this/that/the other (insert extra-curricular activity of choice) going on"

Just do the work in advance, have it all ready to go and enjoy your dd christening and reunion. It will probably do you good not to be thinking about it.
Its an easy mistake to make, you tried to rectify it. I would feel pretty pissed off that she wouldn't change the date but there you go. I wouldn't bend over backwards to help her out any other time though.

OP - how did you manage to forget the date of your dd's birthday when arranging the date of the presentation?

Tbh your posts come across that your focus is on the party and the opportunity to get drunk rather than focussing on it being dd's big day. Perhaps that's why your uni colleague isn't interested in accommodating you. Is it not possible to have the party the night before the christening and then not be hungover for the presentation?

I think she is being very mean,especially as she shouldn't be going on holiday in term time anyway. Can't you drop her in it as revenge ?! :)
Have a lovely party.

Polly she wasn't clear that her DD would be at home with her DH. As she said herself she should have explained that there were two separate sections to the evening.

Yes, I think she's being mean, OP. I was in a similar position when I was a mature student - always being pushed forward to 'do the talking', always helping my group pull things together, basically because when you have a family/household/job to combine with study you have to be more organised and less wet. The one time I really needed someone (anyone) to swap a presentation slot with me, the excuses could not come raining down thick and fast enough. It's horrible to find that people don't give a shit when you've made an effort to support them. Anyway, fuck her and her love life, wear your headphones, and I agree with pp who've suggested rethinking what you can contribute in the circumstances. I imagine the rest of the group who would happily have swapped dates won't be too impressed with her either once they find it means extra powerpoint and proofreading for them. Well done to you for studying with a tiny one. And I hope you have a lovely time at your birthday/christening bash.

YANBU and she is a big meanie.
Your presentation will be fine though and you'll enjoy the party.

Won't be the last time having a small child prevents you from really letting your hair down...remind DC of that fact when they are old enough to drive and you need taking to or from a night out.

Oh but YAtotallyBU to be called wotsitSandwich what a revolting snack!

YABU.

Why are your plans important than hers?

So what that you have a baby & a job as well as the uni course - it was your choice to do this. Same as it is your choice to help the others out all the time.

I'd have thought that if 5 out of 6 of you want to change the date, it gets changed.

And definitely don't do any more favours!

looking for a thread called "AIBU not to change pre-agreed presentation dates so my friend can get pissed?"

That's effectively what the op is asking. I can't believe the number of people saying she's not unreasonable. One person even suggested telling tutors about the other girl's trip. Another saying that the party trumps the other girl's holiday. Erm, no!

How can you have 'not realised' that two important dates clash like this?

Have you never got your dates mixed up or forgotten something important? Of course you have. What a silly question.

How can you have 'not realised' that two important dates clash like this?

I'm 23. This is the first party I've ever thrown. I'm juggling a lot of things. It's a learning curve I guess.

And no of course I don't care more about getting pissed than my daughters day. But it won't affect my daughters day. That's why I'm not talking about that (though I did think my OP made clear that I am making a massive effort to give her a lovely day).

You're not being asked to deliver a Reith lecture, FFS. Just do it ... a bit hung over if you wish. Like so many 'dilemmas' on AIBU, yours stems from a rather unattractive self-regard.

Not really pictish. It's:

1. Her daughter's christening
2. Her daughter's birthday
3. A humongous family party with people op hasn't seen in years;

So yes, it was very strange to forget this massive date.

Yabu re thinking your event trumps hers it doesnt. The fact that you have a baby, job, house etc is not their problem although you amazing to do it all. I bet she also has a job, house and uni course. However why are you doing their power point presentations. By the way you can have amazing party the day before and do well at your presentation. Good luck and fingers crossed all woks out ok x

Not really pictish. It's:

*1. Her daughter's christening

1. Her daughter's birthday
2. A humongous family party with people op hasn't seen in years;

So yes, it was very strange to forget this massive date.*

It's not her actual birthday. And I just agreed to the first slot without really giving the date a second thought. Very silly yes, and a mistake I'll learn from, but it's not because I'm such an alcoholic that I don't even know when my own daughter was born.

Wotsit, unfortunately I think you're just going to have to accept that the new date isn't suitable for her (and I can see why - I'd want to get an assignment out of the way then go on holiday rather than have it looming in the background). YANBU to ask and she's not being unreasonable to say no. Sure, you can't relax at the party as much as you might have done, but at least you'll be less inclined to spew up slush puppy on the bouncy castle

I love all the people who say "who gets drunk at a christening", while raising their eyebrows.......

It's pretty common you know! Practically every christening I've been to turns into an adult party complete with bar.

I've also worked in the hospitality industry while I was a student (bars / restaurants / hotels), and again, it is very common! I'm kind of suprised people think otherwise TBH!

But back to the OP, I'm sorry but if I was the other student I would want everything out of my hair so I could go away and enjoy my holiday.

I have frequently got pissed at christenings, including that of my own daughter. So YANBU for wanting a drink with your extended family and best friend whom you haven't seen for a year.

YABU for thinking that you can't do the presentation with a hangover. Yes, you can! I seriously doubt you'll be the only one. Just make sure you aren't so drunk that you are throwing up in the morning. You can have a fair few drinks without incapacitating yourself totally. Have a lovely time, maybe switch to water at midnight, stay up until 3am, grab 4 hours sleep and a bacon roll and go and nail the presentation. You can go back to bed afterwards! This is all predicated on you being very well-prepared, but you know that.

I've spoken at many an international conference while extremely hungover. Last time I shared the stage with a Nobel prize winner. He was even worse than me though

Just make sure everything is completely sorted the week before. Don't do their work, just yours. Even pack your bag and lay out your outfit

Most practising Christians (rather than cultural Christians) regard intoxication as a bad thing. Many Christians worldwide don't drink alcohol at all, and while amongst Christians in the West alcohol consumption isn't generally considered a bad thing per se, alcohol intoxication is. So that may be why people are surprised at the emphasis that the party will be somewhat ruined if the OP cannot drink to excess.