to think she's a big selfish meanie?

[WotsitSandwich]

I have an important group presentation at uni coming up in a couple of weeks. The day before is my baby's christening and first birthday party.

We had a choice of three dates for the presentation, said we would go for the first one to get it out the way, all fine. I didn't realise that it was the day after DDs christening otherwise I would have asked to do it on one of the other dates.

I have lots of family flying down from all over the UK - some I haven't seen in years. My best friend who's in the army has also got it off so it will be the first time I've seen her in over a year. I probably have got a bit carried away with it tbh - it's turned into a kind of mini festival tons of food, a big barbecue, bouncy castles and ball pits, bubble machines, a slush puppy machine etc etc but we've budgeted for it and are so looking forward to the day. It's mostly my family that are coming from far away so DP said he will take DD home at bedtime and I can party the night away!

Only a week ago I realised the date problem. I work bloody hard at uni to get top grades and I definitely couldn't do the presentation with a hangover or on lack of sleep so I would have to leave all the people I know and love at a party I paid a ton for about 9 o clock while they all carried on having fun and getting drunk. So, I asked my lecturer if my group agreed, could we change the date - he said of course! I asked my group - 4 of the girls said no problem, it's a once in a lifetime thing. One of the girls said no - she's going to Amsterdam the following week (in term time which isn't allowed obviously) and won't do it the week after as she doesn't want to have to think about it while she's away

I actually begged her to change her mind and she had a go at me, saying I was unfair to put all this guilt on her. We get on reasonably well - I listen to all her inane relationship dramas on the train every day when I just want to listen to music and give her advice (on how to stop getting with other people when she has a boyfriend ).

If it was me, I would go out of my way to help someone out and even if I did want to get it over and done with before my holiday, I would just suck it up and realise that my loss is much less than theirs (I.e me). Is it a British thing? She's Swedish. I don't think I could physically let somebody plead with me like that and not say yes out of pure politeness!

I know there's nothing I can do.. I guess I can stay sober and leave about 11. It just wasn't how I had planned it and I am feeling sad.I know it's my fault for not realising in the first place. But is she just the most teensy weensy bit unreasonable for not just agreeing to change the bloody date? It's not like I'm asking to change it to a date that's closer! She can just do all the work before her holiday and spend an hour the day before when she's home refreshing her memory on what she's going to say surely!?

Either way my bloody headphones are staying firmly in on every train ride from now on

[Witchend]

Don't see any reason why she should move. She may well have booked the holiday round the presentation, op made the mistake.

It's not being a meanie because she won't swap at all, nor should she feel that way. If she had no reason then it might be a bit mean, but she has just as good reason, I'd say better, not to want the other date.

[Allbymyselfagain]

Massive X-post, apologies

[DoreenLethal]

i heartily recommend that you just do your bit. What are they learning exactly from you doing it all?

[blobbityblob]

YABU. It's perfectly possible to enjoy a christening or birthday party without getting hungover. Or just accept you won't get top marks on that one. Either way, it's not her problem. You mucked up the dates, she didn't. You sound the selfish meanie to me I'm afraid, expecting the world to revolve around you on account of your giant heart and metaphorical puppy saving exploits. Sorry - I'm with the Swedish woman on this.

[artlessflirt]

Just do the presentation hungover and tired. You won't be the first and you definitely won't be the last. If you know what you're going to talk about and have prepped enough it'll just be dredging up a bit of energy to get yourself through your five minutes.

As for helping with everything - don't. Just contribute to the group part and let everyone do their own thing. If they ask, say you're busy. Especially if it's going to piss you off that your good turns aren't being reciprocated.

[whifflesqueak]

it's perfectly possible to do a presentation while nursing a stinking hangover.

voice of experience

[calamityjam]

Don't worry about it, you will be fine. You have to be there at all the dates anyway to watch the other groups, so the fact that you will be presenting yours won't matter. Just make sure you know your bit inside out and have your note cards well written out. I have yet another group presentation coming up and as I have done so many this year I could probably do them hung over as you will be able to. Do you use google slides? We use this as you can all do your own bits at the same time and then it saves trying to mash it altogether at the end. Apologies if you already do this. Anyway I think she's tight, so next time she wants a favour, tell her to do one.

[WotsitSandwich]

You're right guys (most of you anyway ). I'm gonna just woman up, make the most of the party, do the presentation hungover and not help them out anymore.

Pretty sure it's mostly based on the written stuff you hand in with it. So it'll be fine.

Feeling better about it now.

[Ackvavit]

Can't you just not drink? It's a christening / child's birthday.

[calamityjam]

You will get most of your marks for content anyway. As long as you cover your learning objectives and reference it correctly, you won't lose much even if you mumble it.

[allegretto]

Actually she is being a bit of a meanie but not much you can do about it!

[WotsitSandwich]

Can't you just not drink? It's a christening / child's birthday.

As I've said, my family are all flying down for it. The day will be wonderful whatever and my little DD will have a great time - but the party will go on till the early hours as there are people going who won't have seen each other for 5-10 years. It's just the way it is. I could not drink and be the only sober one while all my nearest and dearest in the whole world get smashed .. I just don't want to

[WotsitSandwich]

Sorry, I'm rubbish at bolding quotes. God knows why they want me to format!

[goddessoftheharvest]

Why drink though? It sounds like a lovely day, which is going to be about celebrating with your family, as your child is welcomed into the church family and religion which is important to you. You can have a great day, a few glasses of wine, and be up feeling fresh and able to do well in your important presentation. You don't have to sacrifice either. I think it's really silly to get deliberately smashed when you know full well you'll be up doing the presentation the next day. I did a lot of group work in uni and would have been cross if someone had turned up severely hungover

I would understand the wanting to drink if it was your hen night or something, but it's a christening. You don't have to drink and you can have a good time without doing so

[Luckything50]

Wot sit I think you sound lovely, and really fun. And frankly I can understand that alcohol might play a significant part in such an exciting evening. Fwiw I think she's being mean and, if you were my friend, I would want to help. Really surprised at the number of holier than thou responses. Have a and go for it.

[BeckyMcDonald]

I did the majority of my degree hungover and tired. I would just prepare well beforehand and write your whole presentation out in advance word-for-word so you can just literally read it from your notes.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

holier than thou? Show me one.

[SENMumoftwo]

Maybe if you'd remembered your DD's birthday, instead of treating it as a family piss-up, gone to these people with a bad attitude, like everybody owes you and come on here to spit your dummy out......you'd have got a better response. As it is, YABU and selfish.

[pictish]

Well I agree with you OP even if no one else does. I think she's being a big blue meanie. Your christening party (and so what if you're treating it as a bit of a party - quite bloody right) trumps her not having to think about it while she's away, any day!

I think the solution is to prep as much as you can then enjoy your party and do it hungover.

I hate group projects btw.

[pictish]

While we're at it...wtf is all this lip-pursing over her having a drink at her own celebration? Away with the lot of you!

[WotsitSandwich]

Doesn't sound much fun for your child if everyone is busy getting pissed. Odd sort of christening.

she'll be asleep in bed at home with her dad. I don't know how to make it any clearer. In the morning the will be the christening. The afternoon will be the birthday party. The night will be the massive (adult) family reunion with lots of drinking and merriment.

Maybe I should have separated it. They're coming specifically for the christening/ birthday party, but I wasn't planning on telling them to go home at 3pm.

My child won't be sitting in the pub in her christening gown watching everyone do shots.

[WotsitSandwich]

And thanks Pictish and luckything. You'd get an invite to the extravaganza

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

I think YANBU OP. Fair enough, she doesn't have to agree to change but YANBU for wanting to have a few drinks at your party! Also for everyone saying 'you don't have to get smashed', now that I am old 36 I get a hangover from two drinks so if I had to get up at 7.30am I wouldn't be happy.

If there are 5 of you who want to change does she get veto power? Also agree no more help for her ever.

[MattDillonsPants]

You've learned a hard lesson OP....get a BIG planner and keep it visible and check it in future.