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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To throttle my colleague who never stops clearing his throat?

146 replies

WanderingNotLost · 11/04/2016 14:23

From 9 in the morning til 6 in the evening, several times a minute my colleague coughs/clears his throat. It's sort of a vocal 'hah-hah-hum' type of thing as opposed to a regular cough. He sits opposite me (with computer monitors in between) so he's about 5 feet away and doesn't cover his mouth, so I hear it loud and clear every time and it's starting to give me stabby rage. I've only been here two weeks Angry

OP posts:
Buckinbronco · 12/04/2016 11:24

I doubt I would notice. I am quite busy. But in theory I would also be annoyed by Loud phone calls and mess on desks. But unless it affects work or is in breach of a policy you just have to swallow it

annandale · 12/04/2016 17:49

Confused Well I know that there are medical causes for things like this because I see people with this problem and treat it (I hope successfully, at least in some cases). I'm not suggesting that the person should be 'sent for a medical' as the poster has no power to do this, though I think it's OK to raise it with her line manager. But there ARE medical causes in some cases.

cleaty · 12/04/2016 18:03

I do think people tend to be very sympathetic of children with disabilities, and then that evaporates when it comes to adults. You say OP that some others have already mentioned this to him, so he is not unaware. Which I assume means that he can not help it.

cleaty · 12/04/2016 18:05

And the person talking about coughing and throat clearing sputum - this is common amongst people with lung damage such as those with cystic fibrosis. But most people who have chronic ill health still have to work.

Pipbin · 12/04/2016 18:23

So there could be a medical reason for the op finding it annoying and there could be a medical reason for the person clearing their throat.
Who wins then?

Fwiw DH finds breathing and coughing hugely irritating. Unfortunately he's married me. When I get a cold the resulting cough and throat clearing lasts for about a month. I've been to the doctor, they don't give a fuck.

WanderingNotLost · 12/04/2016 18:46

If he can't help because it's medical, he certainly can help doing it with his mouth open and punctuating it with sniffs every time... I started feeling tense as soon as he got in this morning, within a minute he'd opened his first can of coke and started with the "hah-huh" "sniff" and because he's close to me I have to listen to music pretty loud to cover it, which means I can't hear other people when they speak to me

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 12/04/2016 22:16

Not really OP. He might be unable to breathe with his mouth shut. I'd give up on the amateur diagnosis and ask to be moved. You really are sounding increasingly nasty.

kelda · 12/04/2016 22:25

Are you allowed to listen to music at your desk? As well as using mumsnet and recording your colleagues? If you don't want to work there, I will. It sounds great.

gandalf456 · 12/04/2016 22:29

Yeah. Great. Uh uh cough splutter sneeze ahemWink They'll be queuing up. Atchooooooooo

SarfEast1cated · 12/04/2016 22:34

I find the more I bottle things up the more annoyed I get, so maybe you could just say to him one morning, before you start seething 'Have you had your cold for long?' and see what he says. He might be quite nice really.

If you really can't bear it can you ask to sit somewhere else?

Autumnalhedgehog · 12/04/2016 23:01

Sounds like catarrh which I have had all my life
It can't be helped if u don't clear throat feels horrid

WanderingNotLost · 13/04/2016 00:40

I'm not nasty, I'm frustrated. I really like this job but seriously, I can genuinely feel my blood pressure rise every time it happens.
I understand if he can't breathe with his mouth closed- I have sinus problems and year-round hay fever so my nose is permanently blocked- but if I need to cough, I cover my mouth! That's not hard, is it?
Not that it has any bearing on the subject, but fwiw I don't go on Mumsnet or anything else while I'm at work, except occasionally at lunchtime- when I posted yesterday I was (mercifully) out of the office for a short while running errands. We can listen to music- I'd prefer not to as I don't like to isolate myself or make people think I'm ignoring them- but at the moment it's either listen to music or lose my mind and go on a murderous rampage.

OP posts:
mmgirish · 13/04/2016 04:18

That would drive me bananas too OP!

DropYourSword · 13/04/2016 04:29

I have postnasal drip and misophonia. I'm my own worst enemy!

MerryBary · 13/04/2016 06:46

I'm sure he cannot help "punctuating it with sniffs". A sniff is a tic, as is the throat clearing. You haven't seen him use a tissue, as he isn't sniffing because of a runny nose.
I have suffered with tics on and off for many years. I don't know why they appear, or why they go. I think for me, they are aggravated by stress.
What I can tell you, is that I am acutely aware of it, and how I must look/sound to others. That the more I think about it the worse it gets. That I worry about working in an office for exactly the reason you have written this post. I am incredibly self conscious and embarrassed about it. And people mentioning it only make me worse, as I think about it even more. And once you think about it, you need to act on it.
I have not really ticced for a number of years, and then a few months ago my young son started to do it. Sad I am heartbroken for him, and hope that it will pass like mine normally do. It makes me wonder if it's hereditary, as I'm sure he never heard me do it. It has however 'triggered' me and I have a couple of tics at the moment.
Imagine being told not to blink for 30 seconds. All you can think about is needing to blink. You try not to... You try not to... But you need the release... That's maybe the best way I can describe what it feels like. The problem is that the relief is so short lived and there's an almost immediate need to do it again. In fact, there's a good chance he actually wants to do it even more than he does, and sits there fighting the urge.
I sympathise with you, the noise is annoying. But I promise you it's (more than) annoying for him too.
I have to add, whatever your reason, recording him was a horrible thing to do. I can't even begin to imagine how humiliated I'd be. Please, whatever you decide to do, deal with the situation as sensitively as possible. Try and have a little empathy.

gandalf456 · 13/04/2016 07:40

But we can't assume he has a tic any more than he doesn't, can we?

2rebecca · 13/04/2016 08:42

Discuss it with your boss. It's affecting your work. They can have a word with him and IF it is a medical issue can involve occupational health or reseat him. Just ignoring the issue doesn't help.

macgyver · 17/12/2018 00:00

Hi WonderingNotLost,

I totally empathise with your situation and although this is an old thread I am compelled to make some comments in case others come across this thread when they're suffering the same problem.

Firstly, I am sorry that you had to endure pompous, rude and ridiculously unhelpful advice from users like ShtoppenDerFloppen. (Actually, she's lucky I am not her line manager as rude, dismissive people would not be welcome in my team). Just because you were new to the job does not mean your needs for a stress-free workplace are any less important and should be dismissed. On the contrary, you are entitled to a work environment where you can enjoy relative peace. I, too, endure a phlegm machine at work and it's absolutely disgusting and hard to cope with at times. He loudly clears his throat 20-50 times a day. I feel stabby rage too and although I would never act on that rage, noone should be made to feel ashamed for those feelings.

Secondly, being subjected to a chorus of 'suck it up' is at best unhelpful, and at worst, just plain rude. Frankly, those bullies need to pull their head in. It's really hard on a person’s psychological wellbeing to hear someone's phlegm rumbling around constantly in a person's throat all day, every work day. At times, especially when I am eating or concentrating on a difficult task, it has been unbearable.

Thirdly, you are not alone. People in my area are absolutely sick of this guy's behaviour. I have seen people leave their work station in a huff as it gets too much at times. The people in his area are always taking action to accommodate and avoid HIS behaviour, instead of him talking action to accommodate the peace and wellbeing of those around him e.g. his behaviour gets worse when he eats, yet he insists on eating at his desk and making everyone else feel sick at lunchtimes.

Also, if you google this issue, you’ll see others in your position – you are not being unreasonable for having this problem.

Fourth, just because 'he can't help it', doesn't mean others haveto endure it. Someone mentioned their husband does it, so she just puts up with it. Well, if she chooses to do so, that's her prerogative. You are not confined to that same choice. However, in a work situation, it can get quite tricky, as HR and managers won't do much because they’re hamstrung by fair work laws etc, especially if the behaviour is due to a health issue (asthma, hayfever, allergy). It may be possible to request a move to another part of the office, but that's the best advice I can offer because, like you, I am stuck in a bad situation and HR cannot assist.

I also think addressing this behavior with the person doesn't help. I know people in my area have commented politely to him, only to be ignored. He also always attributes it to a different cause: one days its his allergies, another day it's a cold and so on. Excuses, excuses...

So, although I cannot offer a solution, I can certainly offer you some empathy and understanding, unlike some of the others on this thread.

Jas0510 · 17/12/2018 09:35

I do this (not 9-5 all day but often) and but its because i have asthma. I'd be really upset if someone mentioned it as i'm self conscious enough, but I cant help it? Put headphones in...

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 17/12/2018 09:39

I love that someone said that a threat clearing tic can be cured 😂
Said by someone who truly knows absolutely fuck all about tics. Clearly!

OP both my sons have multiple tics and throat clearing is the most prevalent one.
The first one they got, the one they got for the longest and the main one that keeps coming back (despite all the other tics changing quite dramatically).

It doesn't annoy me because they are my kids and I know they are tics.

But despite having that knowledge, if I had to endure it at work every day, I know it was would annoy the absolute crap out of me so you have my sympathy.
So does he.

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 17/12/2018 09:40

Oh for fuck sake, zombie thread.

Seriously, why bother?

kittenfun · 17/12/2018 22:58

I do this I have catarrh
I can't help it

AlliKaneErikson · 18/12/2018 00:26

My daughter has mild Tourette’s and her tics include grunting, clearing throat, sniffing etc. I’d be upset to think others care about that much.

AlliKaneErikson · 18/12/2018 00:27

Only just realised it’s a zombie thread- grr!

Lovingbenidorm · 18/12/2018 00:29

What’s a zombie thread?!

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