To throttle my colleague who never stops clearing his throat?

[WanderingNotLost]

From 9 in the morning til 6 in the evening, several times a minute my colleague coughs/clears his throat. It's sort of a vocal 'hah-hah-hum' type of thing as opposed to a regular cough. He sits opposite me (with computer monitors in between) so he's about 5 feet away and doesn't cover his mouth, so I hear it loud and clear every time and it's starting to give me stabby rage. I've only been here two weeks

Oh god FIL does this. How awful. Give it another couple of weeks then ask your link manager if you can swap desks or if not wear headphones. It is habitual generally and fucking annoying!

I don't think the guys I work for really care what I do on my phone whilst I'm picking up their suits and dropping off their shoes at the cobblers Shtoppen. Thanks for the concern though!
The fact that I've only been here a short while doesn't make it any less infuriating than it will be a month or a year from now.

Loads of sympathy OP, this would drive me demented as well.

Of course it's annoying. Deal with it more maturely. Speak to a line manager. Explain the impact on your productivity. Not that it makes you feel stabby.

If you are picking up shoes and dropping off suits, how the hell can the guy "at the same desk 5 feet away, from 9-6" cause you so much distress? Are you chained together while you pick up/drop off?

Seriously, if it is an issue, ask to be moved - if it is a way to amuse yourself... go find a new game and download it out your phone.

I have a couple of not-in-the-office errands today. The other 44 hours of the working week, yes, I'm pretty much stuck at my desk!

That would drive me crazy.

My stepdaughter does the hahahum throat clearing several times per minute. We aren't sure whether or not she can help it as she suffers from reflux issues, however she goes through phases of constant nose twitching and making weird bird noises with her lips and these are more like habits that she finds hard to break. She's not really aware she's doing it until we point it out though.

Shtoppen, you sound like a right tit. Obviously the OP was using hyperbole.

Wandering - this would drive me mad. I think I'd have to move desks. Is that an option for you?

It's called misophonia and you have my utmost sympathy!

Really rebecca2 'throat clearing like all tics can be treated'?

Crikey, you need to hire yourself out to people with tourettes, with your miracle cure!

Op, yabu, people have tics, I live with two and you just need to focus on your work and get over it.

If assuming that a modicum of professionalism might be expected from someone doing work for pay makes me a tit... I am guilty as charged - and make no apology for it.

Not everyone wants to look like a petulant child - it isn't becoming.

Well op isn't really going to throttle him. She just wants a rant and maybe a bit of advice/empathy even. I couldn't concentrate with that going on myself if I worked in an office. I can concentrate with a constant, regular noise but not one where I don't know it's coming. It's very common a reaction as far as I can see. ...

Interestingly enough, though... talking to someone who can make a difference (like rearrange assignments in the office) is productive. Moaning on social media (gasp... MN is social media) is not so much.

There is trying to solve a problem, and there is just bitching about it... I wonder which category the OP's post fell in?

What's wrong with a good old bitch? He'll never read it and it makes op feel better so she doesn't have to stab him with her pencil

I wouldn't know how to start with 'stop fucking clearing your throat ' or knocking on the boss's door and saying ' excuse me, can I speak to you about Albert. He's getting on my fucking nerves with his constant throat clearing.'

My poor Dad used to do this and couldn't help it.
It wasn't habit he gained it during his National Service when they were subjected to lots of medical trials. He said it never hurt him but he just couldn't stop.

It was a bloody nuisance to him too.

Obviously this man is younger and not the same case, but he could have a medical condition. You just need to try and blank it off and know he probably wishes he doesn't do it too.

My wife does this, she always seems to be coughing as well.

It's got to the point now where I ignore it and think happy thoughts.

I do this too, and it frustates me as much as anyone else. I've just had my asthma review today and mentioned it and the nurse said it is a side effect of the steroid inhalers. She said all I could do was drink a lot of water to keep my throat lubricated. I already do drink copious amounts of water!

Shtoppen you're not my boss (unless your mild-mannered alter ego is an exceptionally laid back, middle-aged American man), so quite why you're getting so angry about my being on MN during office hours escapes me. You're starting to look like a petulant child yourself... perhaps you have some rage issues of your own? And the modicum of professionalism you require can surely be found in the fact that instead of screaming at my colleague to STFU (which I do in my head) I keep quiet and rant anonymously about it here.

Moving desks is sadly not an option, but I may resort to putting my headphones and letting Spotify drown out the noise (is that allowed Shtoppen?).

He drinks copious amounts of milky coffee and Diet Coke... neither of which can be helping, but what he drinks is his business. He also sniffs before, after and between each cough, but I don't think I've ever heard him blow his nose.

Look up misophonia, you do have my upmost sympathy if it's this. It's a living hell.

I would be willing to bet that it's no coincidence that the desk that is now yours happens to be the one nearest to the throat clearer. It sounds super annoying. Do you have the kind of job that headphones are acceptable? Just say you find background noise distracting and focus better with music / white noise.

We have one of these at our work. They call him the Kracken or something. It's really fucking awful, phlemmy coughing/clearing sound several times an hour. When there's a particularly loud phlemmy one it's actually followed by an audible groan across the open plan office. Everyone hates that shit, it's fucking disgusting. I am sympathetic because I'd hate to sound like that and maybe there's something awful wrong, however, day in and day out for years? See a fucking consultant or work from home, 100 people just vomited in their mouths, eugh.

Wandering, you may have misphonia, it's still not very well understood (you can see why from some of the posts). if you do then you have my deepest sympathies. Earphones are probably the quickest way to try to minimise your suffering. Saying it gives you the rage is a good indicator. for you.

I do this a lot. I've got asthma and it makes me snotty. I can't avoid it. YA probably BU.

Ask to move