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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To onder if i should be having this friend to stay

29 replies

doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 14:11

I am a bit concerned about a friend who is coming to stay in a couple of weeks.

Her 2 year old is a bad sleeper and says generally will be up and fussing at 2am and will scream if she is left to it or when they try and settle her. My friend tells me that she she often does not go back to sleep until the morning and this has been going on for a year. If they attempt sleep training she gets louder and louder and is eventually sick everywhere.

I've got a 2 year old too and I am concerned that her child will wake mine up with crying and we will be having a scream off at 2am. mine normally sleeps well but I appreciate this could change at any time. DS is a relatively light sleeper and does wake up with loud noises. I do think crying might wake her up. They are staying 3 nights.

AIBU to discuss it with my friend as an issue or should i just leave it and hope that it doesn't happen? Part of me feels Im being a bit sensitive/self about my DS needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 14:15

wonder!!! wonder if i should have this friend to stay!

OP posts:
paxillin · 11/04/2016 14:18

Is this a social visit? She won't be up to any socialising anyway if she's up all night and her dc will sleep all day?

Original poster
doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 14:19

I think she's used to it now after over a year! It is a social visit. She naps normally in the day- 2 hours. How the child is actually staying alive with so little sleep I will never know!

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 11/04/2016 14:21

I wouldn't entertain the idea!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/04/2016 14:31

Honestly? If I went three days with disturbed sleep I'd be evil the next day, never mind how knackered a toddler would be.

It might only be for 3 days but I'd be reluctant.

Is the visit confirmed and all that?

Original poster
doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 14:33

I'm expecting too so Im damn knackered -evil- already.

My DH suggested perhaps just agreeing with her that they'd go to her as soon as she starts to prevent ours from waking up. but that said if she decides to not sleep earlier, I don't really want a toddler downstairs all evening.

OP posts:
lorelei9here · 11/04/2016 14:50

How far away is your friend? Does it have to be three nights? Sounds quite problematic.

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2016 14:54

I can't believe she is even considering coming.

I would cancel.

tkband3 · 11/04/2016 14:58

I had non-sleeping toddlers (they're not much better now they're older, but that's another story Hmm) and I would have struggled to stay at someone's house when they were like this. But if we did go to stay with anyone (just family really) then they slept in with us, and we did whatever was necessary to keep them quiet and not disturb our hosts.

TwigTheWonderKid · 11/04/2016 14:59

Is she a good friend? How far away do they live and how often do you see them?

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 11/04/2016 15:01

No way, the fact that she would stay at your house with such a bad sleeper also make me think she has no respect for you, your dh or your dc.

brummiesue · 11/04/2016 15:09

It's 3 nights not 3 weeks! Isn't it worth possible disruption to have her visit?

Original poster
doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 15:35

She is a lovely friend and I am looking forward to seeing her.

Would it be acceptable to say - bring a baby monitor and please go to her as soon as she starts so she doesn't wake my DS?

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 11/04/2016 15:37

I'd be looking into local hotels and offering to pay half.....

Original poster
doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 16:45

I;d rather not have to fork out for an expensive hotel for her, possibly i should check and see how her DD is sleeping a few weeks before and then ask if perhaps she'd mind bringing a baby monitor if she doesn't sleep so that they can rectify it quickly rather than her screaming and waking up my DS.

OP posts:
paxillin · 11/04/2016 16:49

I would grit my teeth and host her in your place. I would not do such a visit myself though, slightly harder to see where she's coming from. I'd have been too worried keeping the hosts up. Baby monitor is a good idea.

InlandTiger · 11/04/2016 16:54

YANBU. I think she's selfish to stay when her child is likely to wake your family up repeatedly.

I suggest phoning her, explaining your worries and suggesting she gets a B&B if her DD still isn't sleeping. Or insist she brings a monitor and attends to child immediately. If child won't settle you could ask friend to stay in the guestroom until she goes back to sleep, rather than bring her downstairs.

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone · 11/04/2016 17:10

If it were me and she is a close friend, I would ask how she is sleeping these days and if its not good, I would say something like "ooooh no, hope she doesnt wake my DS during your stay or it'll be awful".

I would be honest

SeaCabbage · 11/04/2016 18:14

I think it is definitely ok to talk to her about it.

I too think it would be terrible to have three nights where no one in the house is getting enough sleep. What's the point of that?

TwigTheWonderKid · 11/04/2016 18:47

Is there a reason why her DD can't sleep with her? Then surely there will be no escalation?

PotteringAlong · 11/04/2016 18:51

I don't think you can cancel - if this has been going on for 12 months it's not a recent change and your time to say no was when the visit was arranged.

My ds1 was non-sleeping and he just went in with us if we were anywhere else.

Original poster
doubleginplease · 11/04/2016 19:38

I don't think they know why she doesn't sleep. they've tried everything. She's a very fussy eater so perhaps its hunger. She literally doesn't like eating at all and is very thin. I haven't offered any advice though as I'm no expert but she says she just wants to be with them and if they don't go to her then she's gets worse and worse until she's sick.

I didn't really think about it at the time. I'd already agreed to it when she said 'oh about a year'. She's a good friend but i don't speak to her that regularly. She's an old school friend.

OP posts:
SusanAndBinkyRideForth · 11/04/2016 19:44

Neither of mine slept well and the 2yo still has regular awake periods in the night.
We've only stayed with family but generally everyone is completely oblivious that I've had a crap nights sleep as I make sure she us in with me, and if she doesn't settle quickly she gets the huge treat of quietly watching utube cartoons until she goes back to sleep.

Evenings are a pain though as she doesn't sleep until late so I would tend to stay upstairs with her, which does mean I can't socialise much in the evening.

It's not necessarily a disaster...

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 11/04/2016 19:52

I am a mum of a non-sleeping 2 year old (since birth) and when i stay away i always have a baby monitor and go to him straight away, as i do at home. I think you can probably assume your friend is already planning on this too, unless she's a bit selfish or rude, but if you're anxious she's planning to leave him crying then do check. From what she's said to you ot sounds like she normally attends to him steaight away anyway.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 11/04/2016 19:52

Forgive typos please!

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