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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask why you go to work

481 replies

IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 10/04/2016 22:10

Try to be brief but thorough....
Due back from 1 years maternity at the beginning of June. Hate job, don't want to go back. Have had offer of temporary ad hoc work between June and start of summer hols.
Wondered how much job seekers is whilst I apply and interview over summer hols. Did the online calculator tangy: If I work current hours and pay childcare I would earn £6 less than if I signed on job seekers.
So why should I go to work (no career, just a money earning job) and how does signing on work? Has anyone found it detrimental to confidence etc?
Hopefully I'll get another cash earning job in September or,something when ds will be 15 months

OP posts:
Original poster
IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 12/04/2016 09:59

Ooo everyone's a judgemental expert!
its worth noting I havent actually signed on yet, but its nice to know everyone has a negative opinion on me and jw.
I wish you could opt out, then when ur made redundant you'd have to go straight to another job which is obviously the easiest thing in the world.
Some people on this thread are really quite mean. Hope your happy in your glass houses, you've made me feel shit about an already difficult situation.

But the ones that have posted and get it, thanks. You've helped!

OP posts:
SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 10:08

Funny, I wouldn't have put you in the same bracket as JW. You said you would actually be looking for work.
I guess you were lying if you see yourself as the same as her: deliberately living off benefits and refusing to work at all for as long as possible. Freudian slip up there?

Original poster
IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 12/04/2016 10:15

I purely meant negative opinions on 2 people on here who are happy to claim.
I will indeed be looking for work, in fact I've started. And surely the fact I have an offer of temporary work is encouraging.
Stop being antagonistic.

OP posts:
SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 10:16

No, thank you, I won't.

NameChange30 · 12/04/2016 10:17
Hmm
agapanthii · 12/04/2016 10:37

So I can look my daughters in the eye and tell them that they can be anything they want, go anywhere in the world they want and do any activities they want when they grow up. If they work hard, they will get the rewards they deserve.

NewLife4Me · 12/04/2016 10:44

agapanthil

I think that's a wonderful philosophy, and one that every woman should tell their daughters.
I have told mine since she was tiny and the hard work is paying off now at only 12.
However, I have been a sahm for nearly 25 years now and don't think it's necessary to work to get this point across.
But I agree with this approach 100%

roundaboutthetown · 12/04/2016 10:46

I'm not sure that is the lesson you teach your children if they see you working in a job you loathe because you have to.

frecklesagogo · 12/04/2016 11:00

I think the issue here is more about the way you feel after a year on maternity leave, over and above 'work' in general. After my year off with a baby I had lost myself - I was just a mummy. I thought I was happy with that, but my confidence had gone too. At the prospect to going back to work I had panic attacks and nightmares about what would happen to my daughter.

Once I went back, I was fine. I lost weight, I rebuilt my social life, I ended each day satisfyingly tired after achieving things at work. And a year later I went on to get a promotion. Its never as bad as you predict and you appreciate time off with family so much more.

Most employers in the UK don't do enough to support women returning to work, its a problem people just aren't addressing - yet. I say yet because people are starting to wake up to this and I hope over the coming years more will be done to ease this challenging time.

Maybe you do hate your job, but I would urge to try it before giving up. And statistically you are more likely to get a job offer when you are in employment than not - so who knows what's around the corner for you...

NewLife4Me · 12/04/2016 11:03

Unless I'm mistaken you can't just live on benefits and refuse to work, it isn't possible.
You have to apply for work, be actively seeking work and jump through many hoops to gain benefits.

It would be very unlikely for all parents to give up work, so the comments about what if we all decided to do this are a bit stupid really.
There are many reasons why parents work and many reasons why they wouldn't want to give up working.
Many who would give up work would have a family income too high to receive benefits anyway.
There are very few people who would meet the criteria and they would be low income families anyway.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 11:06

Unless I'm mistaken you can't just live on benefits and refuse to work, it isn't possible

You can if you are a lone parent of a child under a certain age. Which is fine when circumstances conspire to prevent you working, but not so fine when you deliberately design your lifestyle to take advantage of that fact.

Singsongsungagain · 12/04/2016 11:08

Benefits exist for moments when people fall on hard times. They are not a choice and shouldn't be.
If anyone can afford to SAH and look after their children without expecting the tax payer to support them then great. If not, then getting a job should be the only option.

I have a child of 20 months. I'd love to be a SAH mum but we can't afford for me to do that and so I go to work. Asking the tax payer to fund my child just isn't an option.

Lauslaw · 12/04/2016 11:32

I haven't read the whole thread as is seems a bit judgey but has anyone pointed out the difference between income based Jsa and contribution based?? I.e if you have a partner that works and You have enough NI contributions you may be able to claim Jsa for 6 months only.
Income based is if you are a single parent or have a partner that doesn't work (in this case you would need to make a joint claim)

Oh and fear universal credit!! It will make things far more difficult that the current benefits system

Elle80 · 12/04/2016 12:01

I'm very lucky to be able to work 3 days a week in a job I like, with people I like and very good benefits, pension etc. I work because I'm not stay-at-home mum material, and I believe my girls benefit greatly from nursery 3 days a week (I took 14 months off with both of them so they weren't tiny when I went back to work). I also work because I studied hard for my degree and feel that it shows my daughters a good example that both mum and dad go out to work so that we can afford nice things.

If you don't want to work then great - that's up to you, but please don't feel like you should be entitled to benefits and that they are easy to come by. Being a SAHM is a lifestyle choice and should be funded as such through you partners income or your own savings.

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 12:45

Agree. Imo, the very fact that your partner is able to support you and children through their salary means that they earning a reasonable amount - and the choice that gives a family is one of the many benefits of paid work.

Lindsxxx · 12/04/2016 12:49

Wow. I'm astounded to see the amount of people who don't think that caring for your own children is a job!?
I'm a stay at home mum and proud. I don't claim jsa because I don't intend on working outside of the home, but we do get a little help from tax credits - which I personally don't see as a handout I see it as me transferring the tax allowance (that I would be entitled to if I did work) to my husband.

I didn't have any mummy friends at the beginning of this journey but I soon made some!! So no not a lonely existence at all, as long as you're willing to attend toddler groups etc!
My husband doesn't earn a lot, we make ends meet, my kids aren't dressed in the latest next catogue offerings but I clothe them very cheaply in second hand good quality clothes from the car boot sales I go to. We live frugally and although I'm sure if I worked we would find we could afford foreign holidays, a newer car, the latest fashions and designer homewares, but to be honest I couldn't give a flying fig about all that, I have happy contented children who are looked after by their mummys And to me this is the most important thing I can do for them.
Ps yes my husband is more than happy with this arrangement, yes, I have a degree and could probably get a very decent outside job, but in our view this is more important in these early years - after all they don't know what they're wearing or traveling in, nor do they care a fig where they go on holiday - if at all!!

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 12:54

If raising a child is a job then I have 2 jobs Hmm

Raising a child is not a job, it's what you do when you're a parent - and those of us who WOTH also manage to raise contented children who are looked after by their mummy (and daddy). Sheesh.

jellybeans · 12/04/2016 12:55

Good post Linds. I felt the same during my 16 years as a SAHM. Also feel the same re tax credits.

ToInfinity · 12/04/2016 12:57

Yes Linds! Wouldn't trade these years with my DS for all the tea in China! And I love tea!

jellybeans · 12/04/2016 12:59

Stonechallenge, that isn't right that you have to worry over that and there should be more sympathy towards parents staying home with their ill children without penalty. Hope your DC is better soon.

That's the thing because work does conflict with putting your child's needs first which is shown when they are ill.a parent should be able to stay with the child.

Elle80 · 12/04/2016 13:00

Linds I don't think anyone here is dragging anyone else over hot coals for their choice to be a SAHM. In fact many are identifying that they go to a job to get some time away from their ultimate job of being a mum. I certainly could not do the job of a SAHM, and go to work to do something a bit different. For me working part time is my compromise; I get to be mum for 4 days and an employee for 3 days (a perfect balance for me).

You sound rather judgmental and sanctimonious in saying that your children are "happy and contented because they are looked after by their mummy". I can assure you my children are also happy and content, it's just that we choose to live our lives in a different way - neither of which are wrong.

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 13:01

Shock horror - working parents don't put their work first. More shock horror - we stay at home with ill children.

Good grief

mikapika · 12/04/2016 14:21

Isn't it the case that you have to
A) earn a high enough wage to be able to afford childcare or
B) earn a low enough wage to be eligible for discounted childcare?
Being in the middling income bracket can actually leave you out of pocket working and paying childcare!!
So what to do? In my case, having twins and being a middle income earner had indeed made it pointless going to work for financial reasons... If we weren't able to survive on partner's income I don't know what we would have done... We have however gone into several thousand pounds of debt which I will only be able to slowly repay when kids are 3 and universal childcare will be available So I sympathise! It is a really difficult situation :( I agree w the above: job seekers no crack! Plus u have the impasse of can't work without childcare but can't afford childcare without work .. I also empathise with comments about self esteem etc. You'll have to search deep inside yourself to find out how not working will feel for you- personally I've found it to be a mental strain and agree w comments about self worth identity and change of scene!
Good luck, I think you have a rich source of perspectives on this thread x

pointythings · 12/04/2016 14:23

linds you seem to imply that it is possible for everyone to live on one income if only you are frugal enough, and that those of us who work only do it to have designer clothes, flash card and foreign holidays. Based on that, have a Biscuit from me for your tin . The rest of us live in the real world.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 12/04/2016 14:25

Yet Linds You seem to be making judgements about those that make different choices to you.