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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want MIL to post pics of me on FB?

23 replies

Eightisalotoflegsdavid · 10/04/2016 09:45

This isn't a MIL bashing thread, I actually get on great with her, but she has a habit of putting everything on Facebook, especially pictures, and especially pictures where you have no idea she's taking them so always really bad angles with mouth open and twelve chins.

We're going away with them in a few weeks - think hot country, beach holiday, sunbathing and reading in bikini/tankini, unflattering angles, lots of flesh etc...

I'm overweight (about two stone I'd say) but actually think I look ok when I have chance to prepare for a photo being taken! But I know she's going to be snapping away and uploading without thinking 'would Eight even want this online for the whole world to see'.

Am I being too vain? Am I over thinking this? Or is there a polite way to say 'please don't post pictures of my fat arse in a bikini for the entire world to see' ?

OP posts:

StrawberryMouse · 10/04/2016 09:48

I wouldn't like it either. [Pulls up a seat at the vain table.]

Empressa · 10/04/2016 09:49

Are you my SIL? My DM does this, and won't stop.

I just untag myself in everything, so they're "out there" but not immediately coming up on searches.

Doesn't stop your MILs mates seeing them obviously. I haven't found a solution to that yet. All you can do is ask.

Helenwiththebigmelons · 10/04/2016 09:51

Aurgh, my Mum does this! Just puts and old photo on.

Just say you don't want any pictures taken because she's a shit photographer

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/04/2016 09:51

This is why I've changed my settings on FB so that I have to approve anything I'm tagged in before it appears on my timeline! I am reeeeeeally un-photogenic and hate having my photo taken, let alone having it on FB!

DoreenLethal · 10/04/2016 09:52

Borrow her phone/camera to take a few of her at the start and change the settings [you can set it to over or underexpose pictures] thereby making them all either really really bright or really really dark. Or borrow it to take photos at the end of the holiday, absent mindedly put it in your pocket and dash to the loo and then delete them all with you in before you set off home.

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 10/04/2016 09:53

I completely empathise. I'm friends with a bunch of people who when we meet up will thrust cameras into my face and photograph me or film me without warning then upload the whole lot to Facebook and tag me in it all.
I hate it.

I don't understand why we can't all just spend time in each other's company without there being at least 10 videos and a load of photo's every time.

I've tried asking them not to include me as I don't like being on film/in photo's and it's ignored. I've been told I'm a spoilsport and at one point it was commented that I was "a miserable sack of shit" for not wanting it to happen.

I'm also overweight after a significant period of depression and can't bear to see photo's/ videos of myself as they just make me feel miserable.

I'd politely point out to your MIL how uncomfortable you feel about photo's of yourself being posted on Facebook and just hope that she is more understanding than my friends are!

Patterkiller · 10/04/2016 09:53

Would she not listen if you just asked her not to?

Helenwiththebigmelons · 10/04/2016 09:54

Seventy those friends of yours are rude

Ememem84 · 10/04/2016 09:56

Either ask her nicely not to do it.

Just untag yourself from them. Or report the pictures.

Original poster

Eightisalotoflegsdavid · 10/04/2016 09:57

patterkiller - she's so lovely that she probably would, but then she'd ask why, and I have to explain that I'm not comfortable with it because of my weight, which would then lead to looks of disapproval every time I ate something.

I think I might just take the non confrontational approach and change my settings - I didn't realise I could do this!!!

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/04/2016 09:58

To be really honest, whilst I'd ask her not to do it, I'd also dress expecting her to take photos all the time. Sometimes I wonder if this is why there are so many women in beach cover ups!

It shouldn't be the case, but even if you successfully stopped her posting while you were there, if she's the type to photograph and post everything, she'll upload them all when she gets back anyway.

A friend like this was my big incentive to lose weight last year!

SeventyNineBottlesOfWine · 10/04/2016 09:58

Helen the one who called me a miserable sack of shit is always rude, the other's just don't appear to get it.

Most of them post every single thing they do on Facebook accompanied by a horde of photo's and don't seem to understand that others don't feel the need to or simply don't want to do that.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/04/2016 09:59

Ooh changing your settings is a good idea if you haven't already done that - it'll only stop them showing on your wall but it does help! It'll also mean you can't be tagged without approving it so only the friends of your MIL/other people who are tagged will see.

Helenwiththebigmelons · 10/04/2016 10:00

Seventy I really do hate it when people pas another persons shitty personality trait down to their 'character'

Welshwabbit · 10/04/2016 10:01

I hate having my photo taken and think I look terrible in many photos, but I've stopped worrying about this. One of my friends puts all of her photos up on Facebook and I used to cringe at how bad I looked in some of them, but it doesn't bother me any more. If I really hate the photo I untag myself as someone has suggested upthread, but mostly they are photos of people having fun, and let's face it, I probably look like that when people see me IRL most of the time, as none of us has the chance to strike a flattering pose every time we see someone.

My husband also pointed out to me that he likes lots of the photos of me that I think are awful, and that it's not fair on my sons to have no photos of them with me and hundreds of them with him.

But that's just me. If you're really not happy about it, ask her not to post pics of you, and if she ignores you, untag yourself.

Griphook · 10/04/2016 10:02

Do it bank to her, take some unflattering photos and make it a secret competition

Welshwabbit · 10/04/2016 10:07

Oh yes, and if she asks you why, no need to mention your weight, just say you hate the way you look in photos/feel really unphotogenic, and you are happy for them to be taken for family to see but would prefer they weren't posted on FB.

origamiwarrior · 10/04/2016 10:08

Yes, change settings so you'll get asked if you want tagged photos appearing on your wall.

You can do this retrospectively as well, go to the offending photos and untag yourself, then it won't appear on your wall any more.

mellybythesea · 10/04/2016 10:22

My MIL does this! Takes terrible, blurry, unflattering photos of everyone, films everyone but won't say she's doing it, just starts thrusting a phone in your face. They all go up on facebook. Funnily enough, the ones of her are always really clear and flattering...
I ask to take some, go through and delete them. Or I just turn my face away. Fortunately I don't have Facebook so I don't have to care if people see me with five chins and my eyes half closed. Hopefully I don't look like that in real life so people won't judge me on it.

Aspergallus · 10/04/2016 10:29

No justification is required.

"Nice that you are taking pictures MIL, please do not post any which include me on social media"

"Oh but...but...why not...blah blah blah..."

"I dont want any pictures of me on social media. It's not negotiable. If you have to do this, do not take any which include me in the first place. Now lets leave the issue there so we dont sour the holiday"

Then just say No to every challenge. If she points out that you do have some on social media, say that is your choice and a separate issue from someone else posting photos. Just have it straight in your head that you are entitled to make this choice without giving her any justification, so your reasoning is always "No, that is my choice"..."because that is my choice" etc. She'll soon give up.

ollieplimsoles · 10/04/2016 10:31

I would be very annoyed by this as I actively choose not to post pictures of myself on facebook.
Its not just a vanity thing at all, its a privacy thing. I don't think your mil has a right to post pictures online of you if you tell her not too. We told people not to post pictures of our daughter anywhere.

Sits back and waits for the 'but the photos are the mils property so she has a right to do what she wants with them blah blah blah'

JeanGenie23 · 10/04/2016 10:39

Eurgh I hate this too, I realise it's just fun and my really lovely MIL doesn't think I look bad but I hate it.

Just make a joke of it and say please don't do it hopefully she understands. You don't have to be tagged in them, hide it from your page x

sizeofalentil · 10/04/2016 15:28

Can you say can't have any photos of you in a bikini uploaded to social media because your workplace considers it unprofessional/ you're friends with workmates on fb/ you dp's friends might get whipped into a frenzy by seeing your luscious body so you need to keep a low profile for their sakes?

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