AIBU for 2 reasons

[ButtofaMonkey]

DH's Dad died this week 18 years ago.
DH has been acting like a prize prick for the last few days. He does this every year. Then when I call him on it, he says "don't you know what the date is" and I'm supposed to go "oh darling I am so sorry, of course it's the anniversary, do whatever you like"? I'm fecking sick of it.

Yesterday he went to the pub after work, despite telling me that he would be home in an hour, leaving me unable to do something that I had promised a friend I would do (I had the kids and could not have brought them with me to do this favour). He got home sometime around 2am. He was aware of the errand that I needed to run.
Today when I called him on it he shouted at me, called me a cunt in front of our 7 yr old, as well as calling me fat, stupid and a control freak. So I packed up and left with said 7 year old, am in a hotel, very much enjoying the peace.

There was an event planned for this evening in our house, which I was supposed to cater for, I'm sure he will order pizza or something - but I am feeling bad that I didn't show up to meet some of the people there, who I like and respect. I am sure that he will tell them some bullshit excuse re why I'm not there, but I don't want them to think that I didn't show up for selfish or invalid reasons.

So 1. would I BU to contact those that I would consider friends to tell them why I wasn't there so he doesn't tell them some bullshit about my selfishness/ rudeness?
and 2. is he BU for treating me like shit for several days and then telling me it's because he is grieving for his dead parent? He doesn't just behave like this when it's a close relative's anniversary by the way, but I'm sure you've sussed this.

No sympathy for someone who thinks they are entitled to treat their spouse like a piece of shit because it is the 18th anniversary of their dad's death.
What a thoroughly selfish and unpleasant person it is who does.

I thankfully havn't had to deal with the death of a parent yet but this doesn't sound right. Has he had counseling for his grief? No excuse for him giving out to you in front of the kids.

I'm dreading this situation happening soon. Dh will not deal well with loosing a parent and I'm bracing myself for similar onslaughts in the near future. I'm not sure how much twattish behaviour is reasonable with grief.

YANBU. It sounds like the abuse is slowly escalating. Could he be testing your boundaries? You recognise his behaviour as abuse, which is a great step.

I know someone who refuses to ever discuss a parent's death but think that it excuses them from the practical difficulties due to that death. Grief should never be an excuse for selfish behaviour.

OP don't pay any heed to anyone here telling you that you're unempathetic. You're married to this guy, they aren't. If empathy was appropriate and deserved I'm sure you'd give it to him in bucketloads.
As it is, this self indulgent twat is making you his whipping boy - and just fuck that.

Olivia if you go about calling people cunts on the anniversary of your nan's death which occured 16 years ago, you need to sort your shit out too. Get a grip.

Well I have lost both my parents too. My dad 15 years ago. Whilst sometimes i'm overwhelmed with grief but I don't lash out at other people. If I was I have a responsibility to get help for it.

Agreed. My mum died 10 years ago. While I wholeheartedly agree that there is no time limit on grief, there is definite time limit on my tolerance for being called a cunt - and it is extremely short.

He's being self-indulgent and using 'grief' as an excuse to be obnoxious.

There's something to be said for the old-fashioned Stiff Upper Lip when it's this many years on. He has his own family now and they should be more important than this self-pity display.

I agree with pp that your husband needs space - you should be able to find him some on Rightmove. He's a rude, thoughtless, self-indulgent wanker and you can do better.

I'm glad you and DC enjoyed your evening out.Finish it with a big, slap-up breakfast and go out for a walk this afternoon. It's a lovely day here and it may be where you are too?

I lost my Dad when I was a child. I have never called anyone a cunt over it, or anything else for that matter.