To wonder if anyone would like to swap 2 non-sleeping little Children for wine and cheese?

[CheshireDing]

Must be large amount of wine and cheese as they are quite cute. .

Particularly interested to hear from anyone also willing to take my Braxton Hicks and dead arm.

Thank you.

At this hour of the morning? I suspect not.

i offer 2 bottles of tesco value white table wine and a babybel

Option to also have large dinosaur rammed in your back all night and be cuddled strangled

I have a duck & train obsessed 19 month old, he's very cute but teething with molars so is currently a bit temperamental.

I'd swap him for a lie in and a bacon sandwich today.
or one or the other, I'm not fussy

How old are the children? If you don't mind slicing off an appropriate slice of your home and transport it to us to be duck-taped on as a quick extension I would be happy to make the swap. I have a couple of nice bottles (some pino grigio and some rioja) and a cheese board of brie, goats cheese, cornish yarg, comté and Oxford blue. Pm me for the address.

No.

But I will swap for a gorgeous 7 month old who woke me up 3 times last night and a DP who snores like a 747 on takeoff?

I have a 4 year old who has not stopped talking at all since 6am and a DH who sounds like a drowning walrus in his sleep

I would swap both for a long hot bath and a nap

I may want the 4 year old back at some point. Possibly when he has exhausted his list of reasons wht Optimus Prime is amazing.

Sorry I need better swaps

Children are 2 and 4 (with number 3 imminent). I will throw DH in as well, DH is 39 and also snores far too loud :(

I don't want a bacon butty (am veggie), nor Tesco value wine (come on they have to at least be worth the Pinot surely) they are cute. Can't eat the Brie as am 37 weeks :(

Builders only left a month ago so I do have a very nice extension :)

Fingers crossed for a slightly better night tonight.

I'll take them all. As much cheese and wine as you want. I'd have loved a second child...

I'll swap them for a teen and an almost teen - both have sweary tendencies, an addiction to smart phones and a door slamming habit - they will only wear jeans that cost £34 and eat everything in sight except their lovingly prepared meals - food is usually stored under their beds or in their wardrobes - and they demand cash for 'stuff' on an hourly basis

on the plus side they refuse to get out of their food scattered pits until 10am on weekends

Any one want my eye-rolling 12 year old DD? It doesn't have to be a swap - a long loan will do me fine.

I will very happily take any/all of these children - including the stuff-demanding and eye-rolling almost-teens! My two have left home and I miss them!

OH has some excellent boxes of wine I can barter.

I've got quite a lot of red wine and a 16yo who alternately sleeps/insults me I'll happily swap the lot for some littlies as long as they don't have runny noses.

No thanks op, I've already got a 5 year old who wont eat and a 2 year old who thinks sleep is for the weak. Co-sleeping sounds nice, but the damage it has done to my spine trying to fit around him....
I've got some Rose in the fridge though, but you can't have it as I'm planning on necking it all today with my Sunday roast.

sleep is for the weak