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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be co-sleeping?

81 replies

StuRedman · 08/04/2016 11:44

Ds2 is 4.7. He has his own large bedroom but has always, bar a very few nights, slept in our bed.

It's not a problem for us, but it seems to be a problem for everyone we know. We get so much well meant advice on how to 'sleep train' him but tbh we've tried a few times and he just ends up distressed. He will occasionally go to sleep in his bed but then comes into ours later.

Is anyone else co-sleeping an older child? I assume he will eventually migrate into his own bed and won't still be with us when he's a teenager, but who knows?

OP posts:
TwoLittleBlooms · 08/04/2016 15:45

YANBU if it works for your family then keep doing it.

My eldest dd co-slept with me until she was 6 years, had her own bed and would start the night there but always, without fail, would end up in my bed. I never forced the issue of sleeping in her own bed but she did start spending the whole night in her bed (most of the time) from 6. She is now 13 and still sneaks in (maybe once every couple of months) to have a cuddle with mum steal the bed! Husband ends up on the couch on those nights as there is also a diagonal sleeping 14 month old who sleeps in our bed from about midnight and the bed just ain't big enough!

Dexterjamesmummy so very sorry for your loss Flowers

FattyNinjaOwl · 08/04/2016 15:55

Dexterjamesmummy Flowers

Ds1 is 7. I never planned to co-sleep, but he never slept unless he was on me, so we co slept. At around 14 months I started putting him into his own bed, but he always ended up back in with me. He gradually started spending more and more of the night in his own bed, then it was every other night he was in my bed etc. At around 5 he had pretty much stopped. He now only sleeps in my bed when he's unwell. (He was there last night, along with my 8 month old)
DD is 2. She has slept through the night from newborn unless shes unwell, so is usually quite happy in her own bed, even though she's unwell too, she didn't want to be in my bed last night. She likes her own space.
DS2 (the 8 month old) usually sleeps in his cot, but every now and then (once every couple of weeks I'd say) he wants cuddling a lot and I'm too tired to keep getting up and down so he comes to bed with me.
Do what works for you and your family and stuff what anyone else thinks.

flirtygirl · 08/04/2016 18:21

My big sister co slept till she was 17 and then got married (to avoid sleeping alone).
Im quite strict with my kids making them sleep alone as i always worry about my sister, who even now 40 last month, will not sleep alone. In her 20s when her kids were small, she would sleep at mine if her husband was away but now with teens, shes climbs in with her daughter.

TimeToMuskUp · 08/04/2016 18:36

DS1 is 10 and rarely co slept, just because he didn't enjoy it. DS2 is 5 and 3/4 nights out of 7 will end up in our bed by midnight. I think eventually he'll stop. And if not we'll have some quite intense therapy when he's 18.

In all seriousness, DS2 is a different boy to DS1; he is very much a homebody and just loves being held and cuddled. My theory is that they know what they need; if he needs company in the night, why shouldn't he find it from us, the people he depends upon? DS1 occasionally sleeps in our bed if he's unwell, and I'd never dream of telling them they're too old. Sometimes you need your Mum and Dad. It passes eventually and if I'm honest, I quite like that they're still babies some of the time.

Lollipopstick · 08/04/2016 19:15

DS2 - age 4.3 is still in our bed and is adamant he's not moving out. I don't mind -

My niece co-slept until she was about 7 or 8 - she's now a perfectly well adjusted 19 yr old and living away from home while going to university.

As long as all of you are happy there's no issue here. Some people seem to think you'll damage a child for life by not making them independent as soon as possible - nonsense!

MadameJosephine · 08/04/2016 19:18

So sorry for your loss Dexterjamesmummy Flowers

This thread makes me feel so much better about my DD who is 3y 5m (apart from the 17 year old co sleeper Shock). I periodically try to get DD in her own bed and she'll do the odd night in there but to be honest it's more for other people than for us, we are quite happy snuggling up together so I will continue to let her choose

Becca8675309 · 08/04/2016 19:25

My daughter is nearly 8, and she still sleeps with us. We love cuddling up as a family and will miss her terribly when she decides she wants her own space! We don't care at all what other people think, it makes all of us happy.

Becca8675309 · 08/04/2016 19:27

PS And as my sister pointed out, I am the last person you would expect to go with co-sleeping!

FaFoutis · 08/04/2016 19:28

YANBU. My DD sleeps with me every night and she's 6.

PeteHornberger · 08/04/2016 19:30

If it suits you all, then why change it? Especially when it comes to sleep, which is far too precious to fuck around with!

I know it's hard to ignore the snidy comments, I've had a few "well meaning" comments about sleep & breastfeeding and they play on your mind. Tbh, I started lying if it was someone I could get away with it "oh yes, she does 12 hours straight in her own bed most nights". Saves having to nod and smile and pretend you give a shit when they offer unasked-for advice.

I remember climbing into bed with my parents when I was quite old, 7 or 8. And my mum says that she would regularly wake up in the morning with me & my brother in bed with her. A lot of my friends recall doing this to, so it's perfectly common.

Slight tangent - why do some people care so much what other people do that they try and "cure" it for them, even if they don't want any help?! I literally couldn't give a shiny shit how any of my friends choose to sleep, as long as all involved are content. In the words of Amy Poelher "good for you, not for me".

Indantherene · 08/04/2016 19:57

Our 3 eldest used to start off in their own beds then we'd wake up to find them all piled in with us. We bought a superking bed and they all stopped Grin

DC4 slept with us until he was 12, then just stopped. He was a snuggly sort of child. He is now 23, doesn't live with us and is perfectly happy sleeping alone.

DC5 has co-slept since birth and has just turned 9. She has her own room but says she doesn't like to be alone. At grandma's house she sleeps on her own, and she's been on Brownie sleepouts, so I'm quite sure she won't be in with us forever. DH works nights so is only around very rarely and it's no skin off my nose to have DD in my bed, as long as she doesn't wake me up. If other people find it odd that's their problem.

IthinkIamsinking · 08/04/2016 20:02

YANBU
My DD slept with me on and off until my DH moved in so she would have been 10. She still does when he is on nights and she is nearly 18 now Grin
Oh I miss those days when she was little and she would curl up as close to me as she could with her stinky blanket. I am jealous OP

Twistedheartache · 08/04/2016 20:27

I didn't cosleep with mine when they were teeny tiny - I was always too worried about squishing them.
DD1 is 5 and probably sleeps with me about 1 x fortnight and Dd2 is only 18 months & ends up with me every night. I've got a king-size & their dad has moved out so I don't mind - I wish they'd use all the space rather than pushing me to the edge though!
I say do whatever works for you & your children

BillSykesDog · 08/04/2016 20:34

My little boy goes to sleep in our bed and is then carried out, sometimes he stays in his room, sometimes he comes back later. But it normally means we have a few nights of better quality sleep so it works for us.

He sleeps better in his room in the summer when it's warmer. I like him coming in, he's cuddly and they're only able to do it for such a short time it's nice to make the most of it.

BrianCoxReborn · 08/04/2016 20:34

Flowers Dexterjamesmummy Flowers

FellOutOfBedTwice · 08/04/2016 20:38

I co slept with my parents til I was about 6.5. I the just decided I wanted my own bed. My little sister never enjoyed it and slept in her own room from a few months old. My parents attitude was to let us lead. 1.9 year old DD is still in with us and I will follow what she wants, I think.

sixinabed · 08/04/2016 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catvsworld · 08/04/2016 20:54

I think as long as you and your husband are both fine with it then fine but I do rather the ink often the mum strong arms the dad into co sleeping

I also think bad habits are hard to break and I would be interested to no what happens when the parents no longer want to do sleep

My friend co slept with her daughter she is a single parent fine when she was single now she's in a relationship big issues also her daughter is a nightmare to have round she wines constantly she has to have the to on and a light and she struggles sleeping on her own tbh I have stopped having her daughter over

Catvsworld · 08/04/2016 20:57

It doesn't matter if the ex wife moved into Buckingham palace after the divorce .... They are still his kids.

The fact your carrying and and her reruns means to me that bad habits are forming if he was happy to sleep in his own bed he would not be returning also when children are waking to get into bed with parents they are not getting a full or good nights sleep

slebmum1 · 08/04/2016 21:10

No YANBU at all.

Personally I need the starfish fidget bum sleepers in their own beds though:)

zoomtothespoon · 08/04/2016 21:32

He will go in his own bed in his own time. My DS slept in bed with me pretty much every night until he was 5 and a half. I was a single parent and worked full time so it was kinda a way to spend time together. Once my partner moved in he moved into his own room lucky him

Muskateersmummy · 08/04/2016 21:43

dextersmummy Flowers

Dd is almost 4. She mostly starts in her own room but almost always joins us during the night. Everyone is happy and get sleep. If dh has an early start or big day at work the following day he may sleep in the guest room so he gets a bit more rest. But mostly we all love those sleepy cuddles. Ignore the comments. Enjoy those cuddles, he'll decide he doesn't want them one day, and then you'll miss them

Janeymoo50 · 08/04/2016 23:16

I don't know anyone in rl who cosleeps with their children, apart from the odd night when upset/poorly etc, but certainly not as the "norm". I 'm a bit (very) old fashioned in that respect though, it was just always "normal" for all ours (family etc) to go in their own beds. It does seem to be pretty common on MN though. Each to your own, whatever works I suppose (although part of me thinks the big bed is for the grown ups for the majority of the time at least).

Doesn't mean I'm right though.

Candlefairy101 · 09/04/2016 11:02

Id like to say that we all grow out of it but Blush there have been times when I've been out and got a lil too drunk come home and jumped into bed with my mum hahaha.... I'm 26 and a mother to 3 kids!

Hippymama · 09/04/2016 15:52

My youngest tends to sleep in his own bed, but co-slept until he was about 15 months old. My husband works a lot of nights and on the nights he works, my 4 year old usually sleeps in my bed. He sleeps mostly in his own bed when OH is here, but sometimes comes and climbs in if he wakes. Sometimes he starts off in our bed and then we lift him into his own later on. He is very snuggly and likes cuddles, but if you ask him why he likes my bed he says it's because it has roses on it!

Don't worry about what others think. They're not little for long. If it works for your family, don't worry about what others say :)

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