To still be co-sleeping?

[StuRedman]

Ds2 is 4.7. He has his own large bedroom but has always, bar a very few nights, slept in our bed.

It's not a problem for us, but it seems to be a problem for everyone we know. We get so much well meant advice on how to 'sleep train' him but tbh we've tried a few times and he just ends up distressed. He will occasionally go to sleep in his bed but then comes into ours later.

Is anyone else co-sleeping an older child? I assume he will eventually migrate into his own bed and won't still be with us when he's a teenager, but who knows?

[Jw35]

It's not my bag but I don't think there's anything wrong with it if everyone is happy about it

[Booboostwo]

DD is nearly 5yo and spends half her nights with DS 19mo and me and half her nights with DH. She has her own room and once in a blue moon she sleeps there but I am not bothered either way. I don't see her being an independent sleeper as some kind of goal she has to achieve. Like tanukiton I was left to sleep alone despite having night terrors and my sleep problems persisted into my mid-twenties. They were only solved when I got a dog and started sleeping with her. I also think it's very much a cultural issue and many families around the world co-sleep without problems. DD and DS are really sweet when they co-sleep, they hug each other and hold hands all night long, when one sighs, the other sighs too.

[MartinaJ]

DD is 6 years old, she has her own bedroom and all her toys and books and bed in it. She sleeps with us even though we told her she'll get a bunk bed if she can prove she can sleep on her own.
Sincerely, we got used to it. We also have a cat who is totally attached to me and loves to snuggle up to me from one side, with DD snuggling up from the other side. And DH too so the bed, thought big enough, is rather full .
We got used to it. DH says that when he's away on business he has problems falling asleep because he's missing little feet kicking his back in sleep.

[toomuchtooold]

It would be interesting to hear from people with older children who co-slept when they were small - do they hit an age where they naturally want their own beds (I would have guessed around 7-8 when they start wanting privacy)? That would be the key question for me - if it's going to resolve itself, fine, but otherwise I would want them to get used to sleeping alone as they will need to be able to at some point.

[ThirtyNineWeeks]

Howling at squashtastic

[Dexterjamesmummy]

My little boy died in his sleep almost 2 years ago (he was almost 13 months), he died in his cot on his own and I hate that as he loved to cosleep.
His little sister cosleeps and I can't see her ever leaving our bed, I love her cuddling up to us and it reassures me being next to her. I'm in no rush to get her in her own bed and I wouldn't care what others think. If it works for you then carry on x

[StuRedman]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Dexterjamesmummy

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

If it suits you all, I wouldn't worry about what others say. Just say "it works for our family, let's talk about something else" if they try to give you 'helpful advice'.

In some countries this is completely the norm.

We moved our toddler at about 18 months as we were shattered. She actually slept better without us, to my surprise! I think we had been waking her up before.

I would just ensure that he has a comfy bed for himself ready for when he does want to sleep alone.

[Crabbitface]

My two year old is happy in her own bed and my 6 year old boy WAS happy in his until about a year ago when he started creeping through to us. It really doesn't bother me - I know he'll grow out of it and I'll miss his lovely wee face in the morning. Much like all of my parenting choices though - it's no one's business.

I remember being a wee girl and nothing felt better than climbing in between my mum and dad.

[BlueFolly]

My DD is nearly 8 and she co sleeps about half the time. I think there's nothing more natural. It feels good to cuddle up and can't possibly do any harm so long as you and your DH are also managing to find time for sex when your son isn't in the room!

[UmbongoUnchained]

toomuch my daughter was about 15 months when she used to push me out of bed and spread out by herself. She's 18 months now and in her own room and she won't even let me lie on her bed for a cuddle. She very independent!

[MartinaJ]

Dexterjamesmummy, I am very very sorry to hear that

[Crabbitface]

So sorry for your loss Dexterjamesmummy

[Gatehouse77]

Wouldn't bother me one iota. I know someone who co-slept till he was 11. His parents were fine with it so stuff everyone else!

People will always judge you. However, do you actually care what those people think? Over time I have whittled down to only a handful of people whose opinion I actually value. If they could explain why it was a problem rather than just being outside the 'norm' I would consider it. If it's just because it's not common, not bothered.

[Believeitornot]

We never coslept with DS who's 6. But we may as well have done as have a near permanent bed in his room for us! The amount of time we spend on it has reduced but there have been times when we were in there most nights.

I coslept with my second (who's 4) until she was about 9 months then she shared with her brother and still does. Last night I was in bed with her!

As a child I had awful dreams and lay there terrified at night. I don't like the idea of my children being scared so happily sleep in with them but end up exhausted

[Pollyputhtekettleon]

It's completely up to you. And much as I am sad to think of my gorgeous little baby moving out of my bed in 2 months time ish (at 6 mths) I'm also excited to get my freedom and private time with dh back. I can understand wanting to keep her in my bed longer (because she's adorable and so cuddley) but I personally don't think it's good for any of us. We need our space and sleep (and they only get wrigglier, more disruptive and harder to remove as they get bigger) and I know from my other children that they sleep much sounder and longer in their own quiet room so that is good for them. I think allowing long term co'sleeping is not great overall but it's up to other people what they are willing to put up with and how they wish to raise their children.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Love it when ds comes into bed for cuddles when he's ill or has a nightmare, but wouldn't want to do it every night. But each to their own and if you're happy op then it's nobody else's business.

[StuRedman]

He's just so lovely and snuggly, he doesn't kick or wriggle. And he often wakes me up in the morning to tell me about his dreams, which is adorable.

[honeylulu]

If both partners are happy and the dynamic is working for the family I don't see what's wrong with it. Not for me (though I did co sleep with my youngest when she was a baby) but that's not your concern.
A couple my parents knew ended up divorcing because the daughter still insisted on sharing a bed with them at the age of 12 and the husband grew very uncomfortable (mentally as well as physically) and ended up ousting himself and sleeping on his own in the daughter's room. That's the only extreme example I've come across though.

[MartinaJ]

oh, 12 years is too much. think around 8 years should be the time when they are slowly moving out.

[SurroMummy13]

My daughter and I sleep in the same room. She still wakes during the night.

She slept in my bed till I bought her a toddler bed (she's 3) and she now happily sleeps in there but if I'm not in there when she wakes she freaks out completely, and if she's having a super unsettled night she'll climb in the single with me X

[TheSunnySide]

I sleep in my son's bed - he is 5.

[Creampastry]

If your dc is happy and you are happy and your dh is happy, why give a shit what others think?!