Page 2 | To ask if you would be miffed over this?

FlyRussianUnicorn · 2016-04-07T22:41:13+00:00

Friend of over 25 years is getting married in a few weeks. V last minute, small ish ceremony of 50 guests. Said she wasnt having bridesmaids etc. Except i saw on facebook a "bridemaids trips away for Xs pre wedding celebration!" i wasnt even invited. We have grown up together, see each other every few months. Would you be a bit pissed off?

LagunaBubbles · 08/04/2016 00:40

Depends on how close a friend she is. Can't figure out how you've been friends for over 25 years if you're only 25, is that a typo?

Itinerary · 08/04/2016 00:42

I've been a bridesmaid for an old friend who's stayed in touch for a long time, despite now being at the other end of the country. We hardly ever see each other in person but are often in touch. My view is that a close friend is a close friend, and geography doesn't come into it. I don't "get" the idea of disposable friends who can be dropped if you move.

coolaschmoola · 08/04/2016 00:47

Being friends for a long time doesn't automatically entitle you to be a BM. My oldest friend wasn't a BM at my wedding - my BEST friend was.

My oldest friend didn't mind - and I didn't mind not being a BM at her wedding. We're godmother to each other's kids though, my best friend is my DD's other godmother.

Being one of her oldest friends doesn't mean you are necessarily one of her best friends, it doesn't mean she doesn't really like you.

Paddletonio · 08/04/2016 01:05

Yabu

Couchpotato3 · 08/04/2016 01:10

Perhaps the clue is in the "very last minute" - would it be too impractical to organise a dress with you at a great distance? Perhaps she is just having very local BMs, or maybe just family? Whatever, it's a bit insensitive to be posting about it on Facebook when friends haven't been asked, but equally, you don't have any automatic right to be a BM, whatever the circumstances, so YABU, sorry!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/04/2016 01:11

Last time I got married I tried to do it with no bridesmaids.

I successfully achieved having none on the actual day but some time before a group of my friends abducted me in a very charming fashion and did not release me until I had visited another city and had some fun they dubbed themselves bridesmaids.

But it wouldn't bother me at all if she had them and just decided not to have me

Janecc · 08/04/2016 01:39

Plans change. Families put on pressure. It is likely not personal. I was on a thread the other day and one poster said she didn't want kids and dropped any friend as soon as they had them. Her justification was that she did this to show mutual respect to her friends and herself as she saw the friendship as unreconcilable because of their different interests. I found that strange myself but different people put different values on friendships. You are one of the select few to have been invited. Enjoy the party and send your friend lovely well wishes. It's hard not to be a bridesmaid. I can't imagine my DD being one as a child and I find that sad because she'd love to be one. No one thought of her either for their wedding. The last one we attended last year was when my cousin got married, sisters children are the same age as DD - they're close we're not so he asked them obviously. Nothing personal....

Canyouforgiveher · 08/04/2016 01:50

I don't understand this post to be honest.

your old friend who lives far enough away from you and whom you don't see very often is getting married. it is a small ceremony. She invited you to this small ceremony. There was a mention of no bridesmaids (and there may be no bridesmaids still) but she is having a weekend away with her "bridesmaids" who may just be her closest friends.

What are you upset about?

that you weren't invited on the weekend away? Obviously she likes you as a friend but you aren't one of her closest friends. There is nothing wrong with that. Or a particular group of friends might have organised it and not invited any friends from other groups.

That you aren't a bridesmaid? She mightn't even be having them. And even if she is, even sisters go with the flow if they aren't invited to be bridesmaids. I was bridesmaid to a friend. She didn't invite other friends. Should they have been upset? she has more than one friend she just picked me. I'm her closest friend- but not the one she sees the most or her oldest friend. My cousin who is a close friend picked one of her friends- not me. so what. There isn't a rule book.

I honestly don't understand what this woman has done wrong. I think she likes you, has invited you to her wedding and is looking forward to seeing you there.

EverySongbirdSays · 08/04/2016 01:51

I think you are massively YABU actually. Being a bridesmaid is an honour not an entitlement. I have been one twice but I was also passed over by one of my friends and was hurt but she was a far closer friend than "daughter of my parents friends who I used to play out with but haven't really spent time with in adulthood and was 8 yrs older than me anyway"

GraysAnalogy · 08/04/2016 02:50

There's a couple of people who I consider good friends, I've known them since childhood and see them every few months. I value them LOADS. But they wouldn't be my bridesmaids.

There's people I'm much closer too now. It doesn't mean I value the older friends less, just that we aren't as close as my bridesmaid friends.

This is the exact problem I anticipate when i chose bridesmaids and it's bloody annoying. People feeling entitled to being a bridesmaid just because they've known me from yonder.

GraysAnalogy · 08/04/2016 02:51

She may have said she wasn't having any because she knew you expected to be one and would be upset?

stumblymonkey · 08/04/2016 04:43

How can people feel 'entitled' to be a BM?

You only see her once every few months when you happen to be visiting family....I'm guessing that she has an whole other life that doesn't revolve around you visiting.

I see my close friends every week....yes, there are people I've been friends with for longer but they live in different areas of the country and while I see them as 'close' in a way because of our shared history I wouldn't consider them anywhere near as close as those I see weekly and share the details of life's ups and downs with.

So YABU...

stumblymonkey · 08/04/2016 04:43

How can people feel 'entitled' to be a BM?

You only see her once every few months when you happen to be visiting family....I'm guessing that she has an whole other life that doesn't revolve around you visiting.

I see my close friends every week....yes, there are people I've been friends with for longer but they live in different areas of the country and while I see them as 'close' in a way because of our shared history I wouldn't consider them anywhere near as close as those I see weekly and share the details of life's ups and downs with.

So YABU...

herecomethepotatoes · 08/04/2016 05:13

Take loads of photos of her when she's had more than a few glasses of champs, and upload the worst ones to Facebook, also of course posting only the very best ones of yourself and even her bm's (all the while gushing about what a 'beautiful, emotional' day it was)

You're brilliant!

herecomethepotatoes · 08/04/2016 05:17

Aim for this!

Have your camera on burst mode when they're talking and your near-guaranteed to get one of them with mouths at stange angles and 3/4 closed eyes. Tag all her and your friends.

To ask if you would be miffed over this?

Andylion · 08/04/2016 05:22

She may have said she wasn't having any because she knew you expected to be one and would be upset?

Yes.

MardyGrave · 08/04/2016 05:22

Have you maybe a different perception of how close the friendship between the two of you is?

BitOutOfPractice · 08/04/2016 05:55

Are the two of you actually friends in your own right? Sounds like the two families are friends but you're not friends indecently of that.

In which case I think you're being rather precious.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 08/04/2016 06:25

It wouldn't occur to me to be pissed off about this, in fact I've had to read your post a few times to try and see what I'm missing.

amroc18 · 08/04/2016 06:30

YABU I'm afraid.

You should not feel entitled to either be a bridesmaid or be invited. Yes, both are nice but there is not an endless amount of room or space. I couldn't figure out from your post if you were invited to actual wedding but 50 guests is in fact 12 people plus partners on both bride and groom side-not many! Try not to feel offended.

Fratelli · 08/04/2016 07:39

Try and get a photo like this

curren · 08/04/2016 07:47

Yabu. She isn't a close friend. Would you even be friends if not for your parents?

She may not be having traditional bridesmaids. As in dressing them the same, walking down the aisle with her etc. But they may be friends who will be with her the morning of the wedding and help her get ready things like that.

bittapitta · 08/04/2016 07:50

YABU and I would not feel miffed. Can't understand most of the early replies on this thread at all. You're clearly not close friends with her OP! You don't live near her, you see her a handful of times a year, you are 'family friends' primarily, and you have a fairly large age difference so haven't had shared experiences together like leaving home, uni, marriage etc. Wake up.

BillBrysonsBeard · 08/04/2016 07:51

I wouldn't expect to be a bridesmaid but she shouldn't have lied to you, that implies she knows you wanted to be one but wanted to avoid any awkward convos.... Well you'd find out eventually wouldn't you
Seeing a friend every few months is very regular to me.

newmumwithquestions · 08/04/2016 07:55

I don't understand why you are upset. It's a small wedding of a friend that you have been invited to.

Lying about having bridesmaids is a bit strange but you have no right or entitlement to be a bridesmaid. You don't see her that regularily. As you are laughing about taking bad photos of her, on her day, then posting them online, you don't sound like that close a friend to me!