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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to sit in silence every evening? E

65 replies

Moomoomango · 07/04/2016 20:26

As soon as kids are in bed I have nothing left of me to give.. I spend all day answering my 4 year olds questions / requests / demands / whines and moans and my 1 year olds occasional whimper for attention, which I'm desperately trying to give him because my 4 year old needs to know everything about everything . In the evening I can't bare the thought of talking or more truthfully listening. I go to bed and sit in silence. Aibu? Should I make more of an effort to be a human or is the quest for silence a normal thing?

OP posts:

ApocalypseSlough · 07/04/2016 20:26

Who else is home?

NameAgeLocation · 07/04/2016 20:27

I don't think YABU. It's a phase, right?

Skittlesss · 07/04/2016 20:29

I feel the same. Just want some peace and quiet
Haha

Artandco · 07/04/2016 20:29

It's slightly strange imo if theirs others in the house.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/04/2016 20:30

It depends, if it's just you and the kids, fine. If you have an OH it's a bit off. Trust me I often feel the same way but always make the effort to chat with DP about his day etc before I go up at 10 ish to unwind with my book or a bit of mumsnet.

If you do have an OH,is it causing any problems? Is that why you are asking if you are unreasonable?

Lilaclily · 07/04/2016 20:31

I hear you op
Me and dh eat in front of the TV so we don't have to talk

Original poster

Moomoomango · 07/04/2016 20:34

Yeah dh is here.. He understands but I feel bad for him. This last week I just need silence I need mental clarity... I think I'm going crazy / overwhelmed / depressed

OP posts:

curren · 07/04/2016 20:34

It depends. Are you single? If so, crack on.

If you are with someone, how do they feel about it?

Some couples are fine sitting in silence. It works if both of you are happy with it. The problem is when one wants silence and the would like some time to chat X

HeartShapedBox · 07/04/2016 20:35

I get like this sometimes. I have a five year old, a three year old, a two year old and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant. Fortunately, DH isn't one for gabbing on at me if I ask him to shoosh, he's usually in the same boat tbh.
After an hour or two, we usually destress enough to interact again
It's normal to an extent, I think. Small children can be relentless.

CosyNook · 07/04/2016 20:36

DH used to say to me 'Listen...silence"

WeMustSurelyBeLearning · 07/04/2016 20:39

Are you an introvert? I am and I get like this too. I feel so mentally drained at the end of the day that I need to just sit in silence without the TV on for a bit.

spankhurst · 07/04/2016 20:40

Sara Maitland wrote a very interesting book about our unacknowledged need for silence if you fancy something to read as you recharge.

BennyTheBall · 07/04/2016 20:41

I think you should make the effort.

A bit of companionable silence is nice, but you and your husband should be able to have a relaxed adult conversation. Why not take yourself off for a bath for an hour or so. I do this just to escape but I also make the effort to spend time with and chat to my dh.

You might end up one of those couples that go out for a meal and have nothing to say to each other.

Mouthfulofquiz · 07/04/2016 20:41

I quite often feel like I don't want anyone to look at me, speak to me or touch me or even breathe in my vicinity after a day with an almost four year old, an almost two year old and I'm due to give birth in three weeks time. I'm overwhelmed, overtired and just need to be alone!
Luckily, it's not every night, and DH is very low maintenance!

Ameliablue · 07/04/2016 20:50

I think it is reasonable to need some time to wind down but not speaking to your oh all evening is a bit extreme and I would expect it to be quite detrimental to your relationship.

Hassled · 07/04/2016 20:56

I agree that if you and your DH never properly communicate as adults then it is bound to impact your relationship. It will impact you - if you never get any sort of adult conversation then you'll go nuts - and it will impact him; you need to be able to offload about your day at work/what you think about this or that.

Having said all that, I do remember being where you are, where the thought of having to listen to anything else wanted to make me weep. We sort of compromised when the DC were little in that the minute DH got in from work I was in the bath with a book for at least 30 minutes, and then after that I could hold a conversation. So could it be that you need time to yourself more than silence?

bibblebobblebubble · 07/04/2016 21:02

I feel very much like this - am at work all day, then immediately I'm back I'm with the kids. After they're asleep I crave silence whereas DH thinks it's an ideal time to talk about why the kids' bedtime routine doesn't work / getting the car fixed / how to reset his Apple password bla bla - I can't bear it!

I agree that half an hour of total silence usually does the trick then I'm ready to face the world again but some evenings I just feel like zero interaction...

coffeeisnectar · 07/04/2016 21:06

I am so like that although my youngest is 10 but she's so talkative and it's exhausting. I do like peace and quiet to sort my head out but as soon as DP comes in he puts the TV on and that's fine but he then sits there saying 'look' every 10 bloody seconds. I tell him I don't want to watch TV but he accuses me of being anti-social. I'd rather read a book. In silence.

I am an introvert.

Ginkypig · 07/04/2016 21:09

Of course if that's how you feel then ynbu but I think a compromise might be better.

You choose half an hour to an hour of silence (although you may need to go to different room) to recharge and are not to be disturbed then you enter the world again so you and oh can have some time together.

1234hello · 07/04/2016 21:10

This sort of thing definitely can be a symptom of depression, or at least some sort of less than optimum mental wellbeing.

FOr what it's worth, YANBU Imo.

1234hello · 07/04/2016 21:16

Having a 1 yr old and 4 year old doesn't help anyone's mental well being does it?!

Mango5000 · 07/04/2016 21:19

Tonight after the kids went to bed (& dd stopped screaming after 4mins) I went for a walk. I don't usually but told dh I just needed some headspace. I was out less than an hour as it was getting dark but it really helped just to not think or talk.
Do you think something like that could help? Now I have a little but not much energy for his ramblings too

Nigglenaggle · 07/04/2016 21:19

YANBU OP. Don't expect extroverts to understand these matters - bunch of wierdos . What a shame they wrote the rules on socialising and expect others to follow them!

In all honesty though, ocassionally get a babysitter/childminder and have a day/evening just with DH. We also take the kids for each other so we can bugger off and be alone (DH went to Estonia last time ) which is a good stress buster. Also, your kids will get older, and it will get easier

MrsMook · 07/04/2016 21:24

I used to think I was an extrovert until I had children. The silence that once made me restless and twitchy is now bliss.

It doesn't make much difference whether I'm with the DCs or at work as work is sociable and concentration heavy. By the time I pick the DCs up, I'm not ready for a couple of hours of being talked at and a human trampoline.

Fortunately DH is the minimal conversation infront of the TV type too so we amicably sit side by side in our quiet rest.

serin · 07/04/2016 21:41

I wonder if you are over parenting? Give yourself a break through the day. You do not have to entertain them constantly. Stick a DVD on sometimes or get the 4 year old settled in an activity and do your own thing for a bit.

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