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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that society can be too harsh on teens and young adults

24 replies

coffeeisnectar · 07/04/2016 16:52

My oldest is 17. Yesterday she was in a nearby town meeting up with friends after working solidly for the last 10 days. They all go back to school next week. DD and her friend were coming down an escalator in a shopping centre and her friends bag broke so when they got to the bottom, they moved to the side and DD emptied stuff out of one of her bags to give to her friend. So they basically had things out to sort them and re-bag. Two security men immediately came over and told them they had to leave. No reason given but DD said, we are just putting our things back into bags and then we will go. Would they have done the same to two middle aged women?

They then went to McDonalds and were told no under 18's allowed in without an adult. DD showed her staff card and they were allowed access. I understand that some young people cause trouble but why not throw those out without penalising everyone?

DD had a free meal card which she gave to a homeless person on the way home. They really aren't all bad you know. I do get a bit sick of teens being the root of all evil in some peoples eyes and the assumption that they are all out to cause trouble, hang out getting drunk or just generally being anti-social is a bit galling.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 07/04/2016 17:03

I am starting to feel this. I have two teen boys and some of the stuff written on MN about people's perception of teens makes me Hmm

They are all drinking heavily and having sex like rabbits and if you say 'mine aren't' you get told yes they are but you just don't know it/are in denial.

In RL so far they haven't been subjected to anything yet, but I expect they will.

Samcro · 07/04/2016 17:05

yanbu
when i used to say my teen didn't drink or smoke. or do drugs....i was met with a "yeah likely"
they still don't years later.

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2016 17:10

YANBU

My DS(17) said a couple of 6th formers were mucking about in Morrisons the other week, and now the entire 6th form have been banned. He now has to remove his lanyard if he wants to nip in on his way to school.

If a couple of pensioners from the lunch club around the corner behaved badly in there, I couldn't see Morrisons banning them all.

twelly · 07/04/2016 17:13

I agree, I think that the vast majority of teens are good citizens (struggling for right word), just like any section of the population there are some that do behave badly. When looking at certain crimes for example drunk driving it is the middle aged group that are the biggest offenders. The arguments parents have with teenagers and young adults are mainly over specific things that whilst important are not behaviours that point to poor citizenship. So yes I think the perception of them is far far worse than the reality and that as a result they are not treated fairly.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2016 17:13

I do think teens get a rough deal.

If I see here 'oh it's teens' after another troll I swear I'll tut myself to death.

ghostyslovesheep · 07/04/2016 17:14

YANBU I have one teen and one almost teen - I also work with teenagers

Society does not seem to like them much - especially more than one at a time (aka a 'gang') more so if in sports tops (a 'gang of hoodies')

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 07/04/2016 17:16

My 15 year old says that the police regularly speak to him and his friends when they are out and about. Apparently more than one teenager eating chips in a park or playing basketball in a park in the middle of the afternoon is antisocial and worthy of police complaint Angry
My friends have seen ds with his group and they aren't particularly loud or menacing. Some people think that 15 year olds are all doing drugs and having sex.

monkeysox · 07/04/2016 17:17

I work with teens. Less than 5% are pains in the arse. Yanbu. Most are kind and a positive influence on society.

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 07/04/2016 17:18

Morrisons bans anyone wearing our local secondary school uniform entering with an adult. To get around it they button their coat or get someone from a different school (including primary) to pop in.

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 07/04/2016 17:19

I meant my local Morrisons not all Morrisons.

Timeforanamechangy · 07/04/2016 17:19

I never got drunk, smoked, or did drugs when I was a teenager. Never got in trouble and had a steady boyfriend for 3 years so I certainly didn't fit the teenage stereotype and neither did my brother my sister totally did but 2 out of 3 aint bad

I also really hate the fact that employers are allowed to pay teens and young adults a lower MW for doing the exact same job. I was living independently with 2 kids and a husband by 22, I'd be screwed money wise if we did it now!

PPie10 · 07/04/2016 17:23

Yanbu, I actually don't know any 'bad' teens. I see it on here a lot, 'oh he's a teen' , 'oh it's hormones', and every excuse you can think of. Not all of them are rotten.

NeedACleverNN · 07/04/2016 17:23

I think it's the same with all groups.

Teens, toddlers, adult men, adult women, Muslims etc

Generally most are well behaving members of society.

However the few that misbehave, do so so badly that it paints a bad name for all of them.

Teens unfortunately don't have a "reason" for misbehaving

Toddlers are immature
Adults have the stresses of life
Muslims is doing it for religion

I hope this makes sense Confused

Original poster
coffeeisnectar · 07/04/2016 17:24

I was fully expecting to be told IABU so relieved to know I'm not alone although saddened that others are experiencing the same sort of attitude.

My DD volunteers at a youth club once a week, it's for year 8's and sadly that's the only youth activity in the area (although we are in a very well-to-do area) so from the age of 14 upwards there is absolutely nothing for the youngsters to do apart from hang about in parks, on benches or down at the skate park. Our local neighbourhood watch does a leaflet monthly which lists police incidents and it has 'reports of youths hanging around' as a police incident. They weren't doing anything wrong, just hanging around.

So there's no funding for youth activities. There's nowhere for them to go. They are not wanted in shopping areas, or parks or anywhere else it seems.

Yet these are our future young adults and we need to be more tolerant of them and not expect the worst.

OP posts:
Thornrose · 07/04/2016 17:26

Yes I agree OP.

I'm always confused at the idea that teens troll MN. If it's consistently worse in the school holidays it must be the teachers and TAs. Grin

(I'm a TA and was quite drunk by 7.30 last night. Didn't get any trolling done though. I fell asleep.)

Sparklingbrook · 07/04/2016 17:27

I think being a teenager in 2016 is really stressful. Compared to when I was a teen anyway. Such pressure all the time, plus now all the social media stuff so everyone puts their life out for all to see.

Thornrose · 07/04/2016 17:30

Oh Social media can be such a mine field, yes. Everything out there, being judged on how many people like your posts. It's like a 24 hour popularity contest.

AnnaMarlowe · 07/04/2016 17:31

When I was pregnant with my twins I was massive and had problems with fainting.

I regularly had random teenagers holding doors for me, offering to carry my shopping or finding me a chair if I felt faint.

It was always teenagers that helped me, not other mothers, not twenty somethings, not pensioners.

I think they are all luffly.

Sparkyduchess · 07/04/2016 17:32

YANBU, my 17 year old DS is a really good kid, as are his friends. They're noisy and funny, very cool when there are girls around, geeks when it's just the boys, hardworking, kind and just really lovely. I hate the stereotypes that get applied to teens.

The constant contact via social media always looks exhausting to me, but they don't seem to feel able to just disconnect for a while.

Gryla · 07/04/2016 17:35

YANBU

Used to live in a nothern town in town centre - at 5 ish sat sun one there be grouping of teenagers sitting around mostly from the nearby private school. Not intimidating and never any trouble.

FIL visiting saw crowd - something going off - don't know what something going off umm no that happens every weekend - no no something is going off - all next week 6been checking local news saw nothing yet^. Hmm then we'd have it 6 months later when he again encountered the groups.

Last place we lived they couldn't walk round the estate without the hovering police helicopter hoovering over them and following.

LurkingHusband · 07/04/2016 17:41

YANBU.

DS posted a grump on FB recently about being treated like a suspect all the time. It made me tear up.

MrsLH has lots of tales about lovely children and teenagers who help (almost fight to help) open doors, move chairs, and be accommodating.

BillBrysonsBeard · 07/04/2016 17:42

I've never known any bad teens either! I live near an estate full of groups of teens, they smile and are polite and just keep to themselves. It's the 'chav' stuff in the media that gives them a bad name but they are few and far between.

paddypants13 · 07/04/2016 17:44

In my experience teenagers treat you with respect if you treat them with respect. Yes, some of them are horrible but so are many adults. In fact as much as I hate to say it I find older people are the rudest members of society.

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 07/04/2016 18:27

That's a good point about people assuming that trolls are teens on school holidays! Angry

If we listed the most bitched about groups on MN, teens wouldn't make the top 5. (Off the top of my head top 10 would be people who use P&C spaces, people on benefits, DailyMail readers, ILs, OW, exes, current partners, schools, kids and NetHuns) I'd say that posts about primary school age kids and younger easily outnumber posts related to teens so why is it assumed they are trolls?

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