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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I can't cope without an en-suite bathroom

55 replies

InlandTiger · 07/04/2016 06:58

This is a problem. We are moving house soon and I only want to consider houses with en-suites.

It's the same on holiday, if we get a house/villa with friends I won't consider going unless we have an en-suite.

It's a privacy thing mainly. I have colitis. I also get up to wee 5-6x a night Blush

We have guests a lot and PILs stay for a month at a time. I feel sick with horror at the thought of us all sharing one bathroom! Urgh.
I don't mind sharing with DH/DS but not with friends/extended family!
And a separate loo/extra loo downstairs doesn't give the same level of privacy.

DH thinks I'm being VU. Am I?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/04/2016 07:00

Of course Yanbu to have that as one of your preferences. He isn't unreasonable to not agree that that's a priority though! You need to work together to get a list of what is most important between you both.

It also depends if you have to sacrifice a lot of space elsewhere to get an en suite with your budget too. But that will depend on budget and area.

curren · 07/04/2016 07:20

Yanbu, to want an en suite because of the colitis. I have similar (but not as severe) issues and I find it better to have an ensuite.

But wether it's reasonable to get one depends on what else you are having to sacrifice to get one or where you are looking.

If your budget is quite large for the area, it's probably not an issue. Also if your budget is large can you consider a house with a large bedroom and put one in yourself?

I have an ensuite because we bought a new build. Many of them have them now. But in our area you would struggle to get a non new build with an ensuite. If we wanted to live where there isn't new builds. I would likely have to buy a house without one and either put one in or not have one.

teacher54321 · 07/04/2016 07:21

We've had an ensuite since we bought our house two years ago, and I really hate staying places without one now... I wouldn't consider buying a house without one now.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2016 07:24

When I started to read your thread I thought 'give over' it's just a bathroom but when I got to the bit about Colitis I changed my mind.

I understand your need for privacy, don't buy a new house without an ensuite.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 07/04/2016 07:24

I don't think you are BU to not want to share a bathroom. Especially if you have colitis, or really any kind of bowel issue, you need more privacy.

If you can afford it then definitely get a house with an en suite. Why does your DH object?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/04/2016 07:24

We don't have an ensuite and yes I'd love one!

janethegirl2 · 07/04/2016 07:24

As you have guests a lot, YANBU with wanting an ensuite. In your situation, it would be essential for me.

However if you were going to buy a 2 bed mid terrace and have no visitors it wouldn't be an issue.

Roseberrry · 07/04/2016 07:33

Yanbu even without your health problems. I wouldn't be without one now.

Guitargirl · 07/04/2016 07:34

Is it a health issue that is causing the need to get up 5-6 times a night to wee (separate to the colitis I mean)?

That seems an awful lot! When do you sleep?

My mum has a similar thing about needing to be somewhere with multiple toilets. She doesn't have colitis but it's her anxiety which makes her need to loo immediately.

ExConstance · 07/04/2016 07:35

YANBU - I have an ensuite to my guest bedroom too and wouldn't move to anywhere without one, so much nicer for guests to have their own facilities. My DH is coeliac and we are very nervous about staying with friends if there is only one bathroom, generally stay in a nearby hotel instead.

MardAsSnails · 07/04/2016 07:36

I hate not having one for similar reasons. My stomach is rather temperamental and I hate the idea that people may be waiting, they may be in the shower, I may stink the place out.

My house has 4 toilets. I have my very own that not even DH uses. He gets it. My best mate uses it if she can't be arsed going downstairs when we're all getting drunk (the bar is upstairs) but only she is allowed

Summerblaze100 · 07/04/2016 07:40

The first house i bought had an Ensuite and I loved it. When we moved 12 years later, the house we looked at was absolutely perfect, brilliant value etc but had no Ensuite.

We bought it anyway and I was really worried but I actually don't mind now.

However, YANBU if this is one thing you can't do without especially with your health issues and guests.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/04/2016 07:43

Yanbu. I love our en suite. I would never want to be without one. Can you also look st houses which don't have one currently but have scope to put one in.

bakeoffcake · 07/04/2016 07:46

Does it have. To be an ensuite it would you consider looking st a house with two bathrooms? We don't have an ensuite but do have a bathroom who h is just for me and dh.

PassMeASpanner · 07/04/2016 07:46

I wouldn't buy a house without one now (or the potential to put one in). I like to have a bathroom dh or I can retire to in peace safe in the knowledge that neither DC or dc's friends will be coming in afterwards!
With your health issues as well it would be a no brainer for me. I think your DH is being VU!

NorksAreMessy · 07/04/2016 07:46

YANBU
I cannot bear to stay anywhere without an ensuite. I am another 'up in the night' wee-er and I love my tiny ensuite (no shower, just a loo and basin).
Why does your DH think this perfectly reasonable request is unreasonable? That is a bit odd

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 07/04/2016 07:47

Yanbu. I have ibs-D which when flares up means I need the toilet RIGHT NOW! I try to avoid staying places without access to my own toilet. Your dh is BU, you have a medical condition.

annandale · 07/04/2016 07:49

You could say to your DH that you don't mind looking at houses without an en suite if there is obvious potential to put one in, provided that it's top priority as soon as you move in?

MrsMook · 07/04/2016 07:55

YANBU as long as it's within the realms of your budget. It's an understandable request for your needs.

Fairylea · 07/04/2016 07:56

Crohn's disease and / or colitis can be considered debilitating enough for a blue badge and / or disability benefits - my mum used to be in receipt of both for the same thing. She would often have to use the disabled toilets or risk facing an accident in public as she couldn't wait. These conditions are very debilitating and embarrassing - of course you are not being unreasonable!

megletthesecond · 07/04/2016 08:01

Yanbu. I have IBS and would dearly love an en suite. Whenever I stay somewhere with one it makes life easier.

Original poster
InlandTiger · 07/04/2016 08:03

We'll be renting for a few months before buying as moving a long way.

I want the rented house to have an ensuite (though with our own we could put one in) so it limits our options a lot. PILs are coming to stay for a month this summer, in the rented house. It's an expensive area so will have to compromise on space/proximity to DH's job to get an ensuite.

I like ensuite because no-one can hang around outside the bathroom door when I'm having a colitis attack Blush (or go in after me!) and in the night I don't have come out of bedroom in my PJs.

Not sure why I need to wee so often in night, I just wake up feeling the urge.

OP posts:
Wiifitmama · 07/04/2016 08:05

I am with you 100%. dh and I are both in agreement on this and would not live somewhere without one. Right now our ensuite is being ripped out and refurbished and we are all (5 of us) sharing one bathroom. I hate it!!!

middlings · 07/04/2016 08:06

yanbu but....

We don't have an ensuite but we die have two bathrooms and I prefer it from a privacy perspective. The guests thing is covered off (my mother actually calls it 'the guest bathroom.' And I just don't tell her I use it when she's not there!) but at the same time, if DH gets up to pee, I can't hear it. It's actually better from a privacy perspective

Sirzy · 07/04/2016 08:06

Can you in laws stay somewhere else? Any local holiday cottages they could hire?

I wouldn't be happy sacrificing it for them to stay, unless they are paying towards the rent to allow space for them to stay