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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I can't cope without an en-suite bathroom

55 replies

InlandTiger · 07/04/2016 06:58

This is a problem. We are moving house soon and I only want to consider houses with en-suites.

It's the same on holiday, if we get a house/villa with friends I won't consider going unless we have an en-suite.

It's a privacy thing mainly. I have colitis. I also get up to wee 5-6x a night Blush

We have guests a lot and PILs stay for a month at a time. I feel sick with horror at the thought of us all sharing one bathroom! Urgh.
I don't mind sharing with DH/DS but not with friends/extended family!
And a separate loo/extra loo downstairs doesn't give the same level of privacy.

DH thinks I'm being VU. Am I?

OP posts:
middlings · 07/04/2016 08:07

Die?? Do. Obviously.

whois · 07/04/2016 08:11

I don't really like en suites as it feels very much like pooing in the bedroom. I prefer having more than one door between me and DP if I'm on the toilet.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 07/04/2016 08:12

I think your DH (and you) should prioritise you and your comfort. You want privacy to use the bathroom. Absolutely fine. Not remotely unreasonable. If you can't have an en-suite then you don't have visitors staying overnight. End of story.

If PIL or anyone else want to visit they stay in a hotel. PIL presumable knew you were moving, why did they buy tickets? They don't know if you will even have space for them to stay.

Lighteningirll · 07/04/2016 08:12

Yadnbu that's the best bit about house hunting being definite about certain things it narrows down your choices (you may have to be less picky about something else tho; location maybe) personally I hate ensuites I feel like someone is crapping in my bedroom but if it's important to you stick to it.

Inertia · 07/04/2016 08:14

Perfectly reasonable given your medical condition! It certainly should be given more weighting than the Piss hesitate.

NicknameUsed · 07/04/2016 08:15

" I prefer having more than one door between me and DP if I'm on the toilet."

Neither of us tends to need to do that in the middle of the night so it isn't an issue. Also, our en suite has a window so it can be freshened up pretty easily. And what is wrong with using the bathroom loo instead?

Janecc · 07/04/2016 08:16

I agree yanbu. An ensuite can be added to an older style property bedroom easily as the master is generally still comfortably large enough to accommodate your bed and a wardrobe. Something 5m long would be great. You can get one fitted that has an internal dimension of only 1m wide and use walls maybe 7cm thick to save space. If you build the bathroom long and narrow, use a cloakroom style sink and have the sink roughly in the middle with the loo one end and the shower the other. You can use a 24 inch door and swing it outwards. Use a space saving loo, which projects around 92cm, the shower tray will be 1m wide to fill the width and maybe 80cm deep. Add the loo, shower tray and door together, leave extra for architrave and you have the length. Nb please check if it's easy to connect to existing drains as this will be a large expense if a lot of digging and ripping up of patios etc is required. In this case if you fall in love with the house, you could use as a saniflow loo. I was surprised at how they're actually ok when I used one on holiday. The owners had literally put it in a built in bedroom wardrobe sideways on. It was a bit tight to get in and close the door but I managed ok. I'm a size 16. It had wardrobes either side of the bed, clothes one side, loo and tiny sink the other. So that could be an option if you find a house too small for an actual ensuite.

liinyo · 07/04/2016 08:18

Of course YANBU. You have to have some criteria in mind when house hunting or you would end up viewing every single property available.

Having said that we were recently looking for a two bed/two bath flat with a sea view. When we went to view one it had been reserved earlier in the day and I fell in love with a split level studio, one bathroom and no sea view in the same development. Of course it didn't hurt that it was 100K cheaper!

Janecc · 07/04/2016 08:21

It is also possible to have a no loo in the ensuite rule. As we do!

ridingabike · 07/04/2016 08:23

I don't have an en-suite but we do have a bathroom with a loo, and a separate loo upstairs. You say it wouldn't afford enough privacy but it depends on the layout. For example where we are you could move the door of the bedroom and the separate loo would become en-suite.

I lived in new-build before and did like having an en-suite but more because I miss having two showers now,

When we were looking to move, I did make two toilets an absolute requirement so I know where you are coming from, especially if you have a medical condition. If a house is otherwise perfect do see if you can work around it like you could in my house, but otherwise there are lots of houses around now with en suites if you are happy to go with newer houses. Even rented - I'm sure you won't have a problem finding one.

ArgyMargy · 07/04/2016 08:26

No loo in the ensuite..?

Janecc · 07/04/2016 08:27

No poo rather

Medusacascade · 07/04/2016 08:29

Yanbu, in those circumstances it would be a reasonable adjustment to help your daily life. Not a fancy awkward whim

fatshitcrazy · 07/04/2016 08:49

YANBU I have IBS and when it flares up it can be a nightmare, having a private bathroom / toilet where no one else goes or is waiting to get into is essential for someone who has a bowel problem.

magratsflyawayhair · 07/04/2016 08:50

With a medical condition to consider I say YANBU

Junosmum · 07/04/2016 08:50

I started reading the thread and thought you were being a bit U. But I have bad IBS and a small rectal prolapse plus urinary incontinence, so not as bad as colitis but I sympathise. I'd love an en suite and as you are moving house and it appears to be within your budget I don't think you are being unreasonable for it to one of your non=compromise requirements.

coconutpie · 07/04/2016 08:59

YANBU. Also, tell PIL to rent their own accommodation - they want to stay for a MONTH? No way.

IJustLostTheGame · 07/04/2016 09:11

Yanbu.
We got one in our first rented flat and I loved it.
Then when I was pregnant in a different flat it was even better.
We've put one in in our house. It has two doors between the bedroom and walk in wardrobe. It also has a bath in there so I can have nighttime baths and watch a film on the ipad without waking dd who's bedroom is right next to the bathroom.
Bliss
And I don't have any health problems at all.

AllisonWonderland · 07/04/2016 09:13

In view of your health issues then I'd say YANBU - I think your comfort and dignity is more important than your H's convenience in terms of distance from work. If you had an illness which made it hard for you to manage stairs then you wouldn't be looking at properties over more than one floor, I don't really see this as much different.

bostonkremekrazy · 07/04/2016 09:24

I had UC, but now have an ileostomy.

YADNBU - but do see someone, 6x per night for a wee should not be happening!

no way would i compromise on an ensuite ever - for me its quality of life, reduces my embarrassment (ileostomy poo is smelly!), and if i'm in there a long time no-body can make a fuss.

Emptynestx2 · 07/04/2016 09:28

What if you look at properties with potential to install one, I.e with a large main bedroom and or large family bathroom, there might be more properties available then?

NicknameUsed · 07/04/2016 09:31

"but do see someone, 6x per night for a wee should not be happening!"

Yes, I agree.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/04/2016 09:46

So let me put this another way.

Your DH thinks you are being unreasonable to insist on an en-suite for a short term rental property because of your health issues.
But he is not unreasonable to want his parents to visit for a month or for the expensive location of the property to be designed to facilitate his commute.....

Er WTF? Either the parents go for this summer or the commute does. This is not your forever home.

kittentits · 07/04/2016 09:55

I had one in the one property where I really didn't need one! A small 2 bed flat where the main bathroom was in between the two bedrooms anyway. It was nice but I didn't see it as an essential, and as it was only ds and I back then it was just more cleaning for me to do!
We've looked at a few rental properties with ensuites and always thought now there are five of us it would be a lot more useful. Our current house has four bedrooms and only one toilet which is a bit of a nightmare really. It is separate from the bathroom so you don't have to leap out of the bath if someone needs a poo,but it doesn't have a sink so you have to go to the bathroom at the other end of the landing to wash your hands.

My favourite bathroom set up was two houses ago (we've moved a lot). The main bathroom was downstairs, with a bath, sink and loo. Then upstairs was a loo with a cloakroom sink. It was unusual but incredibly practical.

Yanbu, with your issues it's pretty much an essential thing.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 07/04/2016 10:11

If this is the one absolutely non-negotiable thing you want (for good reason) of course YANBU. Dp should accept unquestioningly.

If however this is part of a long list of demands over-inflated expectations, your dp probably can't see the wood for the trees in knowing which of these are a priority!

How about saying "darling, of course I have opinions and preferences on many aspects of any property I would want to live in, as I'm sure you do to, and I'm fully open to compromising on almost everything. However for reasons of health, privacy and my day to day comfort I absolutely cannot consider somewhere without an en suite."

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