to think this isn't good enough for DS packed lunch

[getyourfingeroutyournose]

This is half AIBU and half 'I have no idea what I'm doing please help'.

So today we went to a kids group thing for DS (4) and the flier said "Bring a packed lunch for a picnic after" - YAY
The picnic side didn't actually happen for some reason but last night OH and I had a discussion regarding what the kid should have in his lunchbox (for the picnic and for lunch).
OH thinks a small peanut butter sandwich, value range small yogurt (fromage frais? like PF size pot) and a value range small cereal bar with chocolate in it will do.

I don't mind if the odd thing in his lunchbox is value or basics etc. I like the idea of saving money. I can't get on board with only having that in DS lunchbox in front of other people. We moved to a "better" area recently and everyone seems to live on Nakd bars, gluten and dairy free foods and quinoa... said KEENWAAAH dontcha know.

I'm out of my depth here. I'm of the belief that there should be some fruit, maybe carrot sticks and hummus and then a carby thing and a drink. I'm lost beyond that. I have no more ideas and I'm very aware that I'm lagging behind in this department. I've gone online and looked for recipes and ideas but the kid can be very specific about his food. He eats sushi but wouldn't dare touch pasta.

I'm very funny about food myself. I grew up with an eating disorder and I really don't want my son to have one. But how do I give him things I know he'll eat whilst keeping it balanced and healthy whilst not singling him out at lunchtime by giving him a lot of cheap food whilst the other kids have more e? Or am I trying to do too much

One of mine used to like cold vegetable samosas in his lunch - wont eat them any more as they have green bits!

My 3yo DD goes to nursery and I have to provide a packed lunch and an AM and PM snack. She usually has:

Sandwich/wrap/roll/bagel: with soft cheese & ham, marmite, cheese & tomato or pate. She loves peanut butter but I don't send that to nursery incase of allergies.
2 x Fruit: Usually a satsuma and a banana, or apple and grapes.
Plain biscuit, fig roll or occasionally a small cereal bar
Crackers and cubed cheese or babybel, or carrot sticks.

OneMagnumisneverenough - My darling child has also come out with the "no, I can taste the green" but he picks his days. One day he will happily eat whatever. Others he decides things are "too hot" or "Too green" or just "yucky". I think that's the irritating thing about kids though. I did it way more than DS did as a kid so my karma hasn't fully come round to hit me in the face yet. (I was a terrible child and a very picky eater)

I was once briefly one of those mums who sent her child to pre-school with a nakd bar and star shaped sandwiches. In my defence, DD is allergic to dairy and egg, so those bars are a godsend for packed lunches if bloody expensive and I was desperately trying to get her to eat her sandwiches.

These says she gets: cut up chicken, sausage or baked ham in a little tub we've given up on the sandwiches, 2 crackers, a piece of fruit, and a "treat" (either some raisin bread if I find a dairy & egg free one, a fruit bar of some sort, or an Oreo biscuit).

Her after-school snack (also in her lunch box, as she takes it to her minder) is hummous and carrot sticks and a biscuit.

Everything that can possibly be value range, is. I would live in a very well-off area and nobody has ever commented.

DD is also a demon for fish, OP. I might try a fish finger type thing in her lunch box. She'll think it's her birthday

My kids have branded stuff which is bought in Poundland, Iceland, Home Bargains or, at a push, when it is on offer in Sainsburys. Other than that, own brands all the way.

DS1 is at footy all day and has taken a tuna butty, cucumber sticks, crisps and a single finger Twix bar. There might be a bit of cake in there as well. I have given him a yoghurt every day this week and he hasn't eaten it so thought sod it today.

That is how quinoa is pronounced though surely, whether you live on a council estate or own estate? Did someone try to teach you how to say it? Vile stuff!

I would go with what you have but add grapes, cucumber, baby toms, carrot sticks (two of these on rotation to keep it varied).

My dd was allowed nuts/peanut butter the first few years of primary, until the school notified otherwise. I'd go with the assumption that anything is safe unless told otherwise.

I tried to pack a hot lunch once when my child first went to nursery, after having been with a childminder- I was looked at as though I had two heads. Unless it is something commonly eaten cold (like pizza slice), nursery workers might assume you want it heated but won't have time for that. So, if your ds wants a cold hot meal for packup, I would probably mention to nursery that he wants to eat it cold. Something like a roast would look odd once he's in primary school.

I worried about"passing on" an eating disorder, but apart from a few disturbed months during early teens, think I've fostered a healthy relationship with food. If you can remember any early events that shaped your attitude towards eating it will be easier for you to identify behaviours to avoid and things not to say.

I've just looked up Bento box food. Goodness, if anyone has the time to faff about like that for a child's meal they really ought to think of something better to do

Give him a selection of things he will eat, some healthy, some treat. It will be fine.

Dh thinks every packed lunch should be: 2 slice of bread cheese sandwich, salad, slice of home made cake, yoghurt, apple, bottle of water.
If I packed that my dc would mostly come out with a full lunch box. I vary it for the child, so it might look like.
Hot cross bun, cake in packet (she hates the crumbs going over things), apple juice, yoghurt.
Or
1 slice of bread jam sandwich. 1 slice of cinnamon bread with butter, 2 tomatoes, yoghurt, 2 rich tea biscuits, half a carrot, small sausage roll and a packet of crisps.

Dh thinks they're terribly unhealthy. I think they're reasonably healthy and they come out having eaten most or all and not hungry.

I understand your angst op, I used to have a similar feeling about DS1, not because of brands or whatever, but because he simply wouldn't eat much... I sent so much food that I knew he wouldn't eat, but looked right for the lunch box police. I now send what he wants and that's it - a sandwich, an apple, and a drink... all the extra stuff I used to send went in the bin so I stopped, he has never had a big appetite and always been fussy. When ever I was questioned about his harvest mouse portions or lack of variety I would tell them it was his choice and left it at that. Don't engage, you know your own child. My other three dc all eat normally and will try anything, ds1 is like I was as a child and I hope he will become the adventurous eater I am in good time.

getyourfingeroutyournose He's nearly 16 now so I suspect all is lost! :o

he thinks the green stuff on garlic bread is garlic not parsley and so it doesn't count - I can get away with loads now that I tell him it's garlic that he can see .

I vary it for the child, so it might look like.
Hot cross bun, cake in packet (she hates the crumbs going over things), apple juice, yoghurt

Sorry but that is not a healthy lunch at all IMO. Full of sugar...no protein.

My DD (5) gets:

Sandwich on whole meal bread (various fillings with salad)
Cubes of cheese with a couple of crackers
Carrot/celery/cucumber sticks
Piece of fruit
Water or sometimes sugar free squash

DD is at private school and the above seems the norm in terms of what most of the kids get. None of the above is branded.

I hate yoghurts/fruit juice with a passion as I think they're absolutely full of sugar! Also flame away, but I really don't think biscuits and crisps are ideal as part of a daily diet (although obviously there's a sliding scale in terms of healthy options).

We live in a distinctly middle class and lentil weaving area. I don't give a flying mucktruck what other people think of my child's packed lunch AND my DC attend a private school.

They have a sandwich with cheese or peanut butter, an apple and a banana, a muffin or homemade grain type bar and a handful of grapes or other berries plus a couple of Ritz biscuits.

Give him what he wants.

As a lunchtime supervisor in a well to do area I would say you are doing well if there are any healthy items at all in the lunchbox. I've seen some shocking packed lunches.All chocolate spread sandwiches, sugary drinks and chocolate mousse with chocolate buttons and token apple. I've never heard a child complain about value things.

Don't know if this has already been said, but rather than buying individual yogurts, buy a large pot of plain yogurt and then spoon out a serving into a sealed container for him.
Add some honey or fruit, depending on what he likes.

No one can see what make it is, if that bothers you.

If you're worried about portion sizes, there are some excellent guides on line. A sandwich made from two slices of normal bread is certainly on the upper limits of portion size for a 4 year old.

My 3 year old pack lunch would be: cheese/egg/hummus (one, not all together) wrap or sandwich, fruit, cherry toms, and something like nuts/crisps or yogurt/jelly.

Witchend, my DDs have grown up on stuff like that. All are fine and healthy young adults and teenagers. Not overweight at all and not a filling between them.

I wasn't above the odd jam sarnie or packet of crisps thrown in either, though I shall now don my hard hat and rhino hide to await the cries of "neglectful mum" which I am sure will come.

My area is all Range Rovers and Boden. DS and most of his mates have plenty of Tesco Value and Aldi in their lunchboxes. In fact they often joke that they have the same thing because it is on offer in the village COOP.

My only issue would be the peanut butter for allergy reasons.

LOTS of kids will have value or aldi brands in their lunch boxes and honestly no one gives a toss!

My only addition would be fruit or veg sticks but I wouldn't bother with hummus for a 4 year old!

It amazes me how people worry about peanut butter whilst sending in hummus (sesame) sandwiches (bread containing wheat/gluten/soya) with butter (milk) cake (eggs/strawberry on the jam) or salads and dressings (celery/musturd) tomatos , and completely forgetting about bee stings.

no lunch is safe. surely it's important to think.of all allergies and not just peanuts.

unless told otherwise send in whatever.

Giles it's not that people "worry about peanuts" it's that some schools ban peanut products because of children in the school with severe allergies. If there were children with gluten allergies which could kill them then I'm sure they'd be banned too..but that's not even a "thing" is it. And bees are not controllable and fatal strawberry allergies must be rare.

Yes. I think there is more risk of a fatal reaction to nuts then there is wheat and milk.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen. But it's much rarer

I have friends allergic to tomatoes and strawberries.

if nuts were banned then the nakd bars wouldn't be allowed as alot of them contain nuts. and schools/nurseries always say if they aren't permitted so unless told otherwise....

I worry more about nut products because of the severity of the symptoms that can be caused.