Catering for vegetarians at a house-warming party, do I need to provide separate food?

[IslandCanary]

Everyone is bringing a dish, so far most of these contain meat/fish (apart from the salad) as we're doing tapas-style.

One couple have just told me they are vegetarian.

Do I need to ask everyone to bring vegetarian dishes instead? Or is it ok to just provide some salad/rice and let them bring a dish they can eat? I don't want them to feel excluded.

I find most vegetarian food bland and unpleasant and would rather have meat/fish dishes to cater for the majority (I'm planning to make spicy chicken wings, someone else is bringing meatballs, another is bringing battered tempura prawns, crispy squid, vegetable risotto etc.

If I need to provide more veggie options does anyone have any ideas?

The idea that I should eat what you want me to so that you can have what you want...you are quite mad!
How does that tally with you giving me the plate of veggie food and you having the plate of meat food?

It doesn't matter to me whether you've taken the first plate or the last plate of veggie food. I am without food

But that is your choice, not mine! There is food there, you choose not to eat it.
It isn't veggie food, its just FOOD. Could you come right out and say if you seriously think I should not eat any non-meat foods from a buffet just in case you come along later and there is no non meat food left? Or should I wait until you have eaten your fill and see if I am allowed to have your leftovers, if I ask nicely enough?

Really, this is all crazy.

I can't believe this thread has caused such anger from both veggies and non veggies

OP as only one couple are vegetarian, I would ask them to bring a dish or two and supply a dish or two yourself.

I wouldn't go out of my way to provide a veggie main course option for them
I think there are two types of buffet:

1. The veggies (and other preferred dietary requirements) have a dedicated main option, just as the meat eaters are getting a dedicated main. I do this and generally, the meat eaters realise that the veggie main dish is probably done with someone in mind, and leave it be.
2. The veggies (and other preferred dietary requirements) are left to choose from what are effectively the side dishes for everyone. This happens FAR TOO OFTEN and is the root of all this angst.

It would be a whole lot more simple if everyone split the side dishes equally (or to general preference), and dedicated mains were left for those intended. However, it requires hosts to realise that veggies need a dedicated main, not just the salads and carrot sticks.

How does that tally with you giving me the plate of veggie food and you having the plate of meat food?

Because that is a one on one situation , and I have manners. I would do the same if it was 2 meat dishes and you preferred one. There are two plates, we get one each. But that isn't the same thing at all as there being a whole table of food for sharing, and you saying I'm not allowed to taste half of it IN CASE you might want it later! Surely you see the difference?

Smarter I'm simply highlighting the hypocrisy of your earlier argument.

If it were the last plate of veggie food, you'd insist I had it. However, you don't care if it's the first plate of veggie food you take.

Even though I am left minus one plate of veggie food, when all's said and done.

So the vegetarians are superiour and must go first, because they have CHOSEN to restrict their own diets?

The vegetarians should be allowed to go first, because, at a typical buffet, there's not enough food suitable for vegetarians for everyone to have a portion of it.

I like salad too. I like lots of vegetarian food.
But if I'm the last one at the buffet, and all the vegetarian food is gone, I can still put food containing meat on my plate and fill up on that, even if it wouldn't be my first choice of food. A vegetarian in that position wouldn't have anything they were willing and able to eat, so they'd go hungry until the party had ended.

So let the vegetarians go first, and then everyone has a chance to get enough to eat.

Rousette absolutely wasn't meant to sound unfriendly, you obviously thought about your guests AND made it clear to people that there were vegetarians present who would be wanting the veggie options. I guess I'd be a bit surprised at a party if there were pork sandwiches and cheese sandwiches and since I prefer cheese I went to take one of those to be shouted at and told they weren't for me. Or if people started talking afterwards about how selfish I was for preferring the cheese when there were people there who could ONLY eat cheese, assuming that a) I knew this and b) I knew whether they had already had any food or not. A hog roast is different actually, as people would be going expecting, well hog .

It's hard written out because maybe it does sound a bit unfriendly, but I do think it's the host's job to in some way make sure the veggies (everyone really) gets to eat something they enjoy. So whether that's serving people with particular requirements first, or keeping some back, or simply saying 'look sorry there are quite a few veggies here so can we save this stuff for them' or whatever, I do think that's on the host. Because now I'm wondering if I've ever massively offended anyone at a party by going for the fantastic hummus and fresh looking salads and yummy veggie quiches etc rather than the rather limp and depressing looking ham, because the fact that I can technically eat the meat (though wouldn't like it) means that I should.

And yes I agree it's about the company, friends, music, celebration booze etc and I've been to events where I didn't like what was served or something ran out or whatever and it's not like I judged or fell out with anyone. But obviously if you're planning a party you would like to avoid that scenario if possible, so doing extra veggies seems like the best option outside of circumstances where you know most of your guests are going to want the meat option anyway.

But that is your choice, not mine! There is food there, you choose not to eat it.

You sound cruel and unsympathetic.
Basically you are saying "I know you have dietary choices but I don't respect them and am going to deprive you of your options".
Nice.

Ref Parmesan: I have bought and used a cheese labelled as a vegetarian alternative to Parmesan. And it tasted fine. Think it was from Morrisons.

I'm not veggie, but I do like a lot of veggie food. And if catering, I put out mainly veg options. As others have said, meat eaters do like veggie options too.

So the vegetarians are superiour and must go first, because they have CHOSEN to restrict their own diets?

Well, obviously we're superior both ethically and in every other sense

And since you keep banging on about restricted diets, smarter, ime vegetarians eat just as wide a range of different foods as omnivores, sometimes wider,.

I have friends who have never eaten some of the foods I eat - I know people who wouldn't eat lentils if their lives depended on it.

You only have to read some of the threads about catering for impossibly fussy relatives to understand that the notion that someone who replaces one source of protein for another is on a "restricted" diet is nonsense.

OP just make loads of food.

When we entertain we do masses of food. We end up with a lot left and eat it ourselves in the following days or freeze it.
People only start fighting over food if there is not enough to go around.

The vegetarians here are coming across as really mean, rude and selfish.
Which is weird, because all the vegetarians I know are really nice. They would never stand at a buffet telling everyone else what they are allowed to eat, and telling them "meat only for you!" No salad unless you are a smug vegetarian!

Weird, the lot of you. Just make enough food for everyone and stop being so rude!

raspberry

Sainsburys sell a vegetarian Italian hard cheese as part of their basics range. It's sold in a wedge and is cheaper than Parmesan. It's not as sharp, but it's an excellent substitute.

I massively over-cater Hound. However, I can't be responsible if, for some reason, the thai green curry I've done for the 30 there is the most popular dish and everyone and their mother takes huge portions! I just think we have to put everything in perspective. Someone catering for loads of people tends to put in a huge amount of work and some people just sound so nit picky.

The vegetarians here are coming across as really mean, rude and selfish.

Weird, the lot of you.

Only on Mumsnet would someone eating a bit of salad be told they are stealing the vegetarians food!

Why does a vegetarian's choice trump that who chooses for other reasons?

A persons actual expressed diet requirements regardless of them being based on need or preference will always trump someone else's preferance when that has not been expressed at catered events.

So you taking food that has been provided as a vegetarian/vegan/ glutin free option for guests who have notified of the requirement just because you rock on up and decide that is what you want when you have not notified the host of the requirement is very rude.

You can usually tell if you are being very rude because the option that is provided for the guests who have notified a preferance is usually noticably labeled as such and tends to be placed near the variation of the food it is intended to replace for those with that preferance.

I know this because my assistant wrote it as a social story prior to me attending an event and made me learn it, she said it was very important indeed.

Where did it say "stealing the vegetarians food", smarter?

You making stuff up again?

Only you have said that smarter, not any of the vegetarians I don't think.

Abece I agree, we're singing from the same hymn sheet

My family are pigs huge meat eaters and a hog roast is their idea of heaven so I knew it would get devoured. However, I agree I probably didn't know every single person's preferences even if I knew they weren't vegetarian

It isn't easy catering for loads of people!

Smarter
Really this seems to come down to you having and issue with vegetarians. You seem to find it odd that people CHOOSE not to eat dead animals.
What if this was about people who avoid certain foods on religious grounds?

vegetarian's choice trump that who chooses for other reasons?
Because the meat eaters can eat all of the available food. The vegetarians cannot, yes it is their choice rather than an allergy etc but to me it as important as if I was keeping Kosher.

She made pictures and everything but it was years ago so I expect I didn't keep them

"Because the meat eaters can eat all of the available food. The vegetarians cannot, yes it is their choice rather than an allergy etc but to me it as important as if I was keeping Kosher."

The vegetarians can eat the food too- it's their choice not to, I would eat mostly "vegetarian " food at a buffet.

Why do your reasons trump mine?

They would never stand at a buffet telling everyone else what they are allowed to eat, and telling them "meat only for you!" No salad unless you are a smug vegetarian!

No vegetarian would say that. What they might say is 'leave some of that for the rest of us please'.