Catering for vegetarians at a house-warming party, do I need to provide separate food?

[IslandCanary]

Everyone is bringing a dish, so far most of these contain meat/fish (apart from the salad) as we're doing tapas-style.

One couple have just told me they are vegetarian.

Do I need to ask everyone to bring vegetarian dishes instead? Or is it ok to just provide some salad/rice and let them bring a dish they can eat? I don't want them to feel excluded.

I find most vegetarian food bland and unpleasant and would rather have meat/fish dishes to cater for the majority (I'm planning to make spicy chicken wings, someone else is bringing meatballs, another is bringing battered tempura prawns, crispy squid, vegetable risotto etc.

If I need to provide more veggie options does anyone have any ideas?

There was no main course for vegetarians at my best friend's wedding. At that point (20 years ago) I had been vegetarian for 15 years.*

There was no meat at all at my wedding, nearly 16 years ago.

Very simplified here & ignoring the personal preferences that we all have. My understanding is:

Omnivores eat everything that is classed as edible, pescetarians eat no mammals but do eat fish & shellfish, vegetarians do not eat animals but don't mind other byproducts of the dead animal industry such as leather/milk/honey/cheese, vegans eat no animals or animal by products at all, they choose to leave the item out or to substitute if possible.

I cater at least once a week for a vegan family member & the rest of us are all omnivores, its really not hard it just requires a bit of planning & sometimes something extra on the shopping list. I'd imagine catering for a vegetarian is also a piece of piss. Do enough veggie stuff for everyone then supplement with meat/fish & maybe a veggie equivalent of the meat/fish dish.

I wouldn't mind being asked to wait until the vegetarians have had first pick, but I'd feel it was a bit like school dinners. If I was a vegetarian I might not like being singled out as a special case. Either way I'd wonder why the host hadn't provided enough food for everyone and probably not go to their parties again.

Limited... a vegetarian who feels singled out when someone is only trying to look after them, is really precious. We can't win! We'd do our best to make sure the vegetarians had first dibs at all the vegetarian options, but now, from what you've said they'd never come again because they'd feel singled out!

It's impossible to know what people are going to take from a buffet, if you're catering for lots, it's a nightmare! (been there, done it) So ensuring veggies get there first is a nice thing to do !

but you can't stake claim to anything flesh-free that is there for everyone to share
Yet if it came down to it, you'd forgo veggie food in order to allow me to eat.

But not if you weren't so directly confronted with that choice? If the blame was shared amongst all meat eaters? Or if the vegetarian wasn't there to say "If you eat that, I have nothing"?

It doesn't matter to me whether you've taken the first plate or the last plate of veggie food. I am without food.

Anyway, this is all getting a bit hypothetical now

It's quite simple really. If you are a host providing the food yourself then ensure that there is plenty of food suitable for vegetarians, enough so that everyone can have some. It would also be helpful if you let the veggies go first.

If you are using caterers go through the menu with then and stress that the majority of food should be suitable for vegetarians so that everyone can have some.

Just be a thoughtful host and then you don't have to worry about guests not being thoughtful :)

They have real reasons to go for the salad
Salad is, IMO, clearly a side dish for all.

The lamb and feta pie sitting next to the spinach and feta pie? Surely to goodness people realise that the latter is probably intended for the vegetarians and they should get first dibs at it? Am I missing something?

Sorry MaidofStars I ignored the bit where you said you'd cater for lots of people. So would I
After a dinner party or BBQ, I eat leftovers for weeks!

And I'm a good veggie who cooks meat dishes for her omnivorous guests

vegetarians do not eat animals but don't mind other byproducts of the dead animal industry such as leather/milk/honey/cheese

PA much?

No vegetarian I know considers honey to be a by-product of the "dead animal industry", though it is considered exploitative by vegans and therefore avoided.

As a PP mentioned make sure the cheese is vegetarian. One PP mentioned "Parmesan shavings". This is not suitable for vegetarians (one of only a few cheeses these days not suitable) as it's made using calf rennet (from the stomach). Don't serve to vegetarians please. Hoping the fashion for using goats cheese in everything is soon going to die out. It is on every V menu incl all the restaurant Christmas ones!

The lamb and feta pie sitting next to the spinach and feta pie?

The thing is Maid that this can also splinter off into a load of categories, say there's a veggie, someone who doesn't eat red meat & someone who doesn't like lamb. Who gets first dibs then as it all comes down to personal preference of what we choose to eat?

In the hog roast example mentioned above I'd actually far prefer the goats cheese option, most of my friends and family would probably want to try one of each (we're all greedy bastards foodie types) and would expect to be able to eat to our own preference, eatirng meat doesn't mean eating all meat or not preferring other things. So if the veggie option was limited I'd expect the host/caterer to make that clear rather than be expected to guess if other guests were vegetarian or had/ had not already eaten. And ideally as has been said just make plenty of everything/ extra of veggie

There are a great many cheeses not suitable for vegetarians, loubielou. I really wish it was only a few. Most French cheeses are unsuitable.

say there's a veggie, someone who doesn't eat red meat & someone who doesn't like lamb
Understood. But I'd hope such things were clarified when requesting guest preferences.

OK, so we have a lamb and feta pie, then a chicken pie, then a spinach and feta pie, then a spinach pie with no dairy in the crust, then gluten/nut free versions of all these

which is probably what I mean by overcatering

I used to be veggy and now eat very little meat. I'm always hungry at buffets (I do eat a lot! 😋). I've found most meat eaters will eat 50/50 veggy and meat so if you know that there are veggies there then you need to increase the proportion of veggy dishes accordingly. Ive snuck out of things before to go and find food.

Well Abece, I was the hog roaster. It cost a lot of money and I knew that it would be the go-to option for my family (a lot are farmers and a hog roast would be dived upon). I wasn't going to spend £700 on a hog roast and then faff around with lots of veggie food!

"So if the veggie option was limited I'd expect the host/caterer to make that clear rather than be expected to guess if other guests were vegetarian or had/ had not already eaten"
That just all sounds so so unfriendly. I am a friend/relation not a bloody caterer! I knew exactly who was veggie out of the people invited, and yes, it was made clear that the roasted veg/goats cheese/quiche was for the veggies instead of delicious hog roast.

Some people have such high expectations, so what if some of the food runs out, or if there's less of my favourite dish or I end up with a few pickled onions and a slab of cheese. I'm there for the company not to nitpick at the food and what the person holding the party has provided. Luckily in real life - for me - it's just not like this.

But if you have invited people round - you ARE the caterer, for them, whilst they are there.

To run out of food is very bad form as far as I'm concerned - I like to be feasting on leftovers for days too.

I wouldn't nit-pick if someone had under-catered but I would be slightly disgruntled, it's quite nice when other people do the cooking occasionally.

I like my guests to feel there is an abundance, a profligacy, not be franticly trying to ration out megre portions.

That's not hospitality is it?

Wonder if there are cultural things at play here? My East London cockney family would be mortified if anyone was less than stuffed and it would be seen as very poor form indeed to leave someone hungry or sober

My Presbyterian Scottish family seem to pride themselves on serving and eating gruel, and making it appear like having more than 2 potatoes in a sitting is some kind of wallowing in luxury.

I know which side's parties I enjoy more.

I want to come to tea at some of your houses

Haven't RTFT as it's soo long now but just wanted to say I would think the best thing to do is tell our guests that there will be vegetarians coming so then some of them may decide to bring veggie food instead/as well, but regardless I think a good host would provide one or two veggie options for them. As long as there are a few options for them that is enough, not necessary for everything to be veggie (I say this as a veggie).

Also agree that culture plays a part in hospitality expectations and the like. My dad is from the ME and having guests over is a big part of his culture, and people cater for like, double the amount of people who will be present, because the idea is that you want your guests to have as much as they want and not be at all worried about everybody being able to get their fill. Then we just eat the leftovers for a few days after if there's tons left. Me and DH have adopted this attitude for our own events.

I am in a Scotland and our tables are groaning with food. Vegetarian or otherwise.

This discussion is actually making a lot more sense to me.

Omnivores are criticised for eating the "vegetarian", but what happens if that's what we prefer to eat?

Why does a vegetarian's choice trump that who chooses for other reasons?

Not that your choices are not allowed, just not as important as a vegetarians choice. They have real reasons to go for the salad, whereas you may just like the look of it

So the vegetarians are superiour and must go first, because they have CHOSEN to restrict their own diets?
I have real reason to go for the salad: its nice food and I like it. The idea that I should eat what you want me to so that you can have what you want...you are quite mad!

If you know your guests well enough to know that most of them would dive straight for a hog roast, what's the problem with not having enough of the veggie options for every single guest?

E.g. I know my dad and DH wouldn't go near roasted veg & goats cheese or quiche if there was a hog roast option. I wouldn't go out of my way to provide a veggie main course option for them in case they didn't fancy the hog roast, because their veggie main course would go uneaten.

Why does a vegetarian's choice trump that who chooses for other reasons?
So the vegetarians are superiour and must go first, because they have CHOSEN to restrict their own diets?

Do you feel the same about religious vegetarianism?