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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for confronting a stranger criticising my appearance?

195 replies

MarbleFox · 04/04/2016 22:23

I left work late today, missing the bus I normally catch by a couple of minutes. This meant waiting half an hour for the next one. At the bus stop there were two women, roughly my age(20) and as I approached I heard one say to the other, "Oh my God, look at the state of her hair". My hairs currently a silver/lilac shade, it's been bright purple, blue and pink so I'm used to getting the occasional comment and stare. I shrugged the comment off as I normally do but for the next 25 minutes as I waited for the bus the comments continued. Criticising my hair, clothes and general appearance while sniggering while I'm obviously in earshot. I eventually snapped and said, "Sorry but what's the problem?" Neither replied so I said, "You really shouldn't mutter horrible things about people you don't know", to which one said she wasn't talking about me. She definitely was.

I know it's daft to let this bother me and I know they were out of order but should I have ignored them? Or was responding the right thing to do? I'm normally very shy and meek so this was out of character for me.

OP posts:
JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 05/04/2016 11:12

Two of my mates and I went to the pub dressed as a cat, mouse and a dog after doing some fundraising for charity. All 3 of us had those costumes with those giant heads. But this was in Camden so it was probably one of the less outré sights.

fatshitcrazy · 05/04/2016 11:13

I love the hair trends for pastel colours and have had the silver/lilac hair also. I really dont think its that "different" or "weird" nowadays, Ive seen loads of people with hair dyed this way and always think it looks fab. Im always changing my hair colour - not for other people as I dont really care if they like it or not but just because I like it and it stops me getting bored of my hair and cutting it all off - dye is easier to change than re growing your hair.

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 05/04/2016 11:15

What a brave man, percy.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 05/04/2016 11:17

The only critisism I made is that OP lets people's comments bother her when she clearly invited them at least on one count - her hair.

I do not care at all what people do to themselves. I happen to like classical styles and looks - if that makes me dim and proves I live in a cave - fine. I don't care. Why should I? My choice and I stand by it. You can call me names, accuse me of trolling etc etc till the cows come home, I don't give a fuck. This is my point to the OP: I am here making my statement and taking it on the chin. She was there, making her statement, she should take it on the chin. Just logical.

I didn't want to repeat myself again, but just want to prove to you that I am not a male underage drunk troll, but I grown up woman who could be OP's mother.

Ta-ta Wink

flowerpower10 · 05/04/2016 11:20

It says more about them as people I use this term lightly as they must be ugly inside and they must be lacking if they feel the need to bully you

Have faith in being better person and looks fade quickly being nasty inside shows through beauty sending feel better hugs to you

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 05/04/2016 11:22

Oh, and I don't take pictures of weird people to post online - I don't have time for this shit and don't find it that funny. I was just pointing out that people do it everywhere, even respectable newspapers, because it is human nature to look and marvel/be astonished at someone/something different. Just open the Guiness book of records. I wonder how many of you open minded ladies own one, or have been interested in an of these records? Hmmm

MintyChapstick · 05/04/2016 11:33

This morning ive made an appointment to have my hair ligtened in order to put a really bright vibrant, colour on it. I don't know what yet, but I'm thinking purple. I couldn't give a fuck what people think in all honessty.

I have to ask those of you who think silver and violet hair is weird, what planet you live on? As those two colours have become really mainstream, especially silver. I see young girls, early 20's with silver/white hair all the time!

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 05/04/2016 11:37

Minty I like teal but purple sounds great too. I'm envious of people who can dye their hair with ease. Mines is too dark to take a dye.

Original poster
MarbleFox · 05/04/2016 11:50

I'm excited for you Minty!
Be warned, you will become addicted to dying your hair weird and wonderful colours though, it's like falling down a rabbit hole Grin

If you're wanting vibrant colours I'f suggest the brand Pravana which you can buy on the website HairCrazy. They have a lovely violet shade but I wouldn't recommend their, "long lasting" line as it left my hair with a very strange texture and horrible smell that took weeks to leave Confused It's a little expensive but unlike other brands it lasts for absolutely ages and when it does fade it fades to a lovely shade rather than looking washed out.

OP posts:
whattheseithakasmean · 05/04/2016 11:55

I'm thinking purple. I couldn't give a fuck what people think in all honessty.

That is the attitude to have. If you are worried about people commenting on your hair, maybe best not to dye it purple. Seems pretty obvious to me.

SistersOfPercy · 05/04/2016 11:56

My hair is now a very normal dark brown as my school don't like staff to have bright colours but it has been red, blue and green in the past. They don't mind piercings though so both my lip and nose ring stay. I also wear Star Wars, Batman, Comic shirts etc to school as the kids love them (SN School).

I'm 42, I'm long past giving a flying fuck what people think about me. You don't like my Metallica Shirt? You don't like my piercings? Thats a you problem not a me problem. I'm very comfortable and confident in my own skin thanks, those that choose to judge on appearance alone are those I really wouldn't want to know anyway.

MmeGuillotine · 05/04/2016 12:15

My natural 'God given' hair is bright red and I used to get all sorts of hassle and nasty comments about it when I was growing up. It was absolutely hideous.

Being a bit of an alternative dresser, I started bleaching my hair and dying it bright My Little Pony colours when I was at university and have carried on doing so for the last gulp twenty years or so (it's currently pastel pink after a brief flirtation with bright green and about three years of blue and purple) and have only ever had nice comments about it! I suppose people might raise their eyebrows behind my back or whatever but I haven't noticed anything untoward and like other posters have said, my hair isn't exactly unusual these days.

So no, I won't be going back to my natural hair. Grin

fatshitcrazy · 05/04/2016 12:15

How about this one Minty?

AIBU for confronting a stranger criticising my appearance?
GreatFuckability · 05/04/2016 12:24

I dont know MrsDeVere, i very recently had a small child staring at me open mouthed when she spotted me in my car at traffic lights whilst her oblivious mother was trying to get her to cross the road Grin, it was hilarious!

Original poster
MarbleFox · 05/04/2016 12:26

I'm thinking purple. I couldn't give a fuck what people think in all honessty.
That is the attitude to have. If you are worried about people commenting on your hair, maybe best not to dye it purple. Seems pretty obvious to me.

On this occasion it wasn't one comment, a raised eyebrow or a stare though. It was constant and nasty criticism on my hair, general appearance and outfit for 25 minutes from two strangers who don't know the first thing about me. I think you'd struggle to find anyone who wouldn't get upset in a situation like that.
I've said it before but I'll say it again, my hair isn't to everyone's taste, I've come to expect and shrug off the occasional comment or stare. I'm used to it, I don't think it's necessary or nice but I either ignore it or smile and laugh it off. I'm only saying this to demonstrate that I don't normally get bothered by things like this but as I said they could have made one comment and left it at that but they didn't. They continued for 25 minutes.

OP posts:
Pipbin · 05/04/2016 12:34

Just open the Guiness book of records. I wonder how many of you open minded ladies own one, or have been interested in an of these records? Hmmm

Firstly - do they still print the Guinness book of records?
Secondly - having purple hair is not akin to having the worlds longest tongue or being able to jump the highest.

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 05/04/2016 12:40

I think we've seen the last of DirtyHarriet. HQ have messaged me to say she has been taken care of. Not sure if that's in a Julie Andrews sort of way or an Al Pacino kind of way though. Thanks Becca and MNHQ for dealing with this so promptly.

Itinerary · 05/04/2016 12:42

If you are worried about people commenting on your hair, maybe best not to dye it purple. Seems pretty obvious to me.

So everyone should conform and blend in so that no-one can possibly make a negative comment? Hmm Why should it only be the most confident types who dress as they wish? Victim blaming again.

SistersOfPercy · 05/04/2016 12:45

Julie Andrews sort of way or an Al Pacino kind of way though

If MNHQ are leaving horses heads in her bed I do hope they have lilac manes Grin

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 05/04/2016 12:47

Pink ombre horse heads with flowing lilac manes, Percy Grin

SistersOfPercy · 05/04/2016 12:53
Grin
AIBU for confronting a stranger criticising my appearance?
Klaptrap · 05/04/2016 13:15

Good for you OP!

People who feel the need to comment/pass judgement on other people's appearances grind my gears. If I ever have an unpleasant thought like that, I bloody well keep it to myself (and give myself a talking to!).

My DM drives me potty, picking apart the appearance of strangers (and some not-so-strangers TBH)... she doesn't think people can hear her, but one day someone might (she isn't the most subtle woman - voice like a foghorn) and she could find herself in a sticky situation.

I can't imagine spending all of my time walking around judging people on their appearance, it's really sad to me that some people do.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 05/04/2016 15:54

I do think all the head tilty "well if you don't want to be noticed don't dye your hair purple" type comments are pretty mean spirited and depressing. As marble explained it was a sustained roasting not a passing eye brow raise but nearly half an hour of bitching. That I not acceptable. People should not shrug and blame the victim, its fine if someone's appearance is not to your taste. It is not fine to be ill mannered and vocal about your opinion.

EveryoneElsie · 05/04/2016 17:09

So is it ok to say nasty things to people on the street if you dont like them? Where do you raw the line at that? By that logic is it ok for builders to shout 'nice tits shame about the face' now?

I like that multicoloured purple hair. fatshitcrazy Smile

My Nan had a blue rinse. No one shouted at her.

WetLettuce123 · 05/04/2016 17:18

You did the right thing. These girls were bullies and bullies thrive on creating fear. To those saying: "You put yourself at risk of getting punched" - violent criminals will always find a reason to punch someone if they want to, and defending yourself does not make you 'fair game'. Why should OP quietly listen to two tw* calling her names?

And to those saying they'd stare in the street if they saw someone with dyed hair... You must be really really boring.

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