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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for confronting a stranger criticising my appearance?

195 replies

MarbleFox · 04/04/2016 22:23

I left work late today, missing the bus I normally catch by a couple of minutes. This meant waiting half an hour for the next one. At the bus stop there were two women, roughly my age(20) and as I approached I heard one say to the other, "Oh my God, look at the state of her hair". My hairs currently a silver/lilac shade, it's been bright purple, blue and pink so I'm used to getting the occasional comment and stare. I shrugged the comment off as I normally do but for the next 25 minutes as I waited for the bus the comments continued. Criticising my hair, clothes and general appearance while sniggering while I'm obviously in earshot. I eventually snapped and said, "Sorry but what's the problem?" Neither replied so I said, "You really shouldn't mutter horrible things about people you don't know", to which one said she wasn't talking about me. She definitely was.

I know it's daft to let this bother me and I know they were out of order but should I have ignored them? Or was responding the right thing to do? I'm normally very shy and meek so this was out of character for me.

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 04/04/2016 23:27

I would have done exactly the same as you in that a situation.

MarbleFox · 04/04/2016 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreatFuckability · 04/04/2016 23:29

Riiiiight, so shy people aren't allowed to dress/look how they like because some rude idiots feel the need to comment?
I'm extremely shy and introverted. I have blue hair, because I like it and it makes me feel better about myself which makes me feel less shy. Is that ok??!
Jesus wept.

PerspicaciaTick · 04/04/2016 23:30

I'm sure people look at Harriet walking down the street and mutter to their friends too on occasion.
OP, I think you did just fine.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 04/04/2016 23:44

OP, I think you dye your hair 'silver/lilac shade' so that you can attract critisism, then become defensive about it in an agressive way. Just the way you responded to my comment.

I don't care what anyone does to themselves, but if it is strange and weird, people WILL comment, because it is unnatural and commenting is human nature. People take pictures of weird and funny staff and share in media all the fucking time: tv, newspapers, websites, facebook - you name it. Who knows - one day you may be in the papers, hahaha.

Original poster
MarbleFox · 04/04/2016 23:51

Why would I want to attract criticism? Confused I can't fathom why anyone would want to attract criticism.
There's a big difference between making one comment or staring a little which I accept is unavoidable and bombarbing someone in earshot with criticism while they wait for a bus having just finished work. If it had been one comment or I would have happily shrugged it off and moved on. It wasn't just my hair they were critiquing, it was my very normal outfit as well.
Honestly, I think you're being deliberately hurtful and inflammatory.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarbleFox · 04/04/2016 23:52

Or a stare*

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/04/2016 23:56

No it's not daft to let it bother you. You're human. Some people really are nasty twats.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 04/04/2016 23:58

Being deliberately hurtful and inflammatory for what reason precisely???

I said that I would not make comments if I am within earshot. This is not acceptable in my book.

Then I pointed out that the colour of your hair is bound to attract comments and it is silly to complain about them whilst actively attracting them.

And you proceeded to argue that you can colour it whatever coulour the hell you want.

Well, as you see, you can. What you can't do is shut people up.

VashtaNerada · 04/04/2016 23:59

Bloody hell there's some nasty people on this thread!! (Maybe the women from the bus stop?? Grin) I think you did great OP, horrible people like that shouldn't be allowed to get away with behaving like playground bullies. I think it's lovely when I see someone a bit 'different' especially interesting hair colours. Life would be very dull if we all looked the same.

SilverBirchWithout · 05/04/2016 00:00

Making comments about someone's appearance which they can hear is bullying.

Sounds like there are a few bullies on here, eh Harriet?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 05/04/2016 00:00

If you are so shy and hate it when people look at you/discuss you - well, stop attracting their attention, for God's sake! Be with normal hair!

Hmm
OzzieFem · 05/04/2016 00:02

Reminds me of a time I was on the way to work and lived in a new house. Had to walk through dirt and sand to the car as no pathway. Got to the hospital in my sparkling white uniform and an elderly couple started commenting on the "disgraceful" state of my shoes. I just turned around and looked at them and stated " I do not nurse with my feet", and carried on into the hospital.

Aside .

GreatFuckability · 05/04/2016 00:02

Harriet. You are a goady fucker.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 05/04/2016 00:02

People take pictures of weird and funny staff and share in media all the fucking time: tv, newspapers, websites, facebook - you name it

Because people are cunts.

MattDillonsPants · 05/04/2016 00:03

Harriet's just looking for an argument. OP ignore her. Those girls sound infantile!

acatcalledjohn · 05/04/2016 00:03

Then I pointed out that the colour of your hair is bound to attract comments and it is silly to complain about them whilst actively attracting them.

And you proceeded to argue that you can colour it whatever coulour the hell you want.

Without having to listen to people's criticism of it. What on earth makes you think your idea of 'normal' is the only 'normal', harriet? The OP colours her hair for herself, not for others. Condoning the behaviour from a 'but you don't look normal' angle is really a ridiculously narrow minded approach. Abnormal, I'd argue.

YesThisIsMe · 05/04/2016 00:03

Where on earth do you live? Half the young women on the tube (at the weekend) seem to have My Little Pony hair colours nowadays. Anyone who wanted to make sarky comments would find it a full time job.

Vintage45 · 05/04/2016 00:04

twats on here then huh. what on earth has the op having green pink purple or orange hair got to do with it. small minded bastards.

good on you OP for sticking up for yourself.

DryShampoo · 05/04/2016 00:06

Harriet probably lives on a cul de sac and doesn't get out a lot apart from occasional forays to the bus stop to find things to disapprove of, OP.

embroideredbee · 05/04/2016 00:06

70isalimit no. I'll wear whatever the fuck I want

MistressDeeCee · 05/04/2016 00:10

Good for you OP, Id have done exactly the same and have done in the past. I wish everybody would do the same, call people on their bullshit. Most of the time they've not even got the guts to "own" it.

& yes people can style and colour their hair how the fuck they want to. We don't live in a clone zone. Critical people who mostly aren't perfect fashion plates themselves need to keep their beaks out of other people's personal choices that are nothing to do with them

Original poster
MarbleFox · 05/04/2016 00:11

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds Harriet's point of view ridiculous and narrow minded. I also think people taking picture of others to post on social media is really horrible an I don't find it funny. I should have ignored her Blush
Thanks to those who have complimented my hair X

OP posts:
DirtyHarrietOnABike · 05/04/2016 00:14

Goady fucker for telling the truth?

Normal hair means the colour god gave you (or close). Any other colour is attention seeking. I see plenty every day. I can't help but look, as god gave me eyes to see the abnormalities in my surroundings and a brain to make a decision whether to fight or flight. I normally flight Wink.

NB I do not condone the behaviour of making comments within earshot, on the opposite. However people are allowed to have their thoughts. What are you now - the thought police? Bloody hell, haha.

Nobodyspecialanymore · 05/04/2016 00:16

Fox, don't you think confronting them was a bit dangerous? If they are rude enough to say horrible things, don't you think they might be unhinged enough to possibly be violent? They were very wrong to say anything, don't get me wrong. However, the stress and possible danger confronting them with their rudeness might outweigh the satisfaction of saying something.
I wonder, only because I tend to let things like that go for those reasons...