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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take the money out of their savings?

18 replies

StuRedman · 04/04/2016 10:16

Dd is nearly 12 and Ds1 is 13. They have a few grand each in savings, mainly from my ILs who want them to have a college/car fund. We put £10 a week in as well which was supposed to be pocket money. Historically Dd hasn't touched hers but Ds has dipped in to his to buy stuff for his PC which we wouldn't otherwise have got.

Anyway, they've never really used it as pocket money and when they've needed cash we've just given it to them. This week has been £££ though, Dd went to a theme park at the weekend (£50 including spending money!), Ds is going to the cinema and Dd is going into town today. We are on a much tighter budget these days as I'm not working.

Wibu to say these things have to come out of their accounts? It feels a bit mean but it was initially supposed to be pocket money and it's sort of morphed into savings.

For context we pay for Scouts, gymnastics, riding and a magazine subscription so they already have a lot of extras IMO compared to many. We also make sure they go on as many school trips as possible, Ds is going to Paris soon for eg.

AIBU to say that trips out in the holidays should come from their pockets? Really it's either that or they don't go as we are skinto.

OP posts:
whois · 04/04/2016 10:18

AIBU to say that trips out in the holidays should come from their pockets? Really it's either that or they don't go as we are skinto

Explain that to them, and let them make the choice.

Sirzy · 04/04/2016 10:20

It wouldn't be unreasonable to say that in future any trips with friends they have to pay, or pay towards, from their savings. I wouldn't do it for the trips you have already agreed to though.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 10:21

I think it depends what trips - if they're going on their own, I don't see why not (considering some of the money is pocket money) but I think you should talk to them about changing your current plan. At their age, pocket money is really useful; it teaches them to budget and be independent! Smile

gymboywalton · 04/04/2016 10:22

i think you need to split the money up into 2 accounts. open a normal everyday account for them that you pay the ten quid into and they can use that for trips/spends

but keep a separate savings account for them-especially if money is tight now.

if your kids end up wanting to go to university it is going to cost you a FORTUNE- and any little you have put by to put towards accomodationor books or whatever will help

shinynewusername · 04/04/2016 10:22

I think that dictating what should come out of their accounts is the wrong approach and likely to upset both your DC and your ILs - as they have contributed expecting the money to go towards Uni etc, not theme parks.

Instead, sit down with the DC, explain that you can't afford as many extras now you're not working and ask what they want to do. They may prefer to drop some of the other spending e.g. magazine subscription or they may want to subsidise the school trips from their savings - in which case I do think you would be wise to clear it with the ILs. Though the money is a gift and legally the DC can spend it as they wish, realistically the ILs are unlikely to carry on giving if they disapprove of how it is being spent.

gymboywalton · 04/04/2016 10:23

the money from your inlaws should go into an isa too by the way-it will almost certainly gain better interest than a normal account and it will stopthem dippping into it until they are18

JustABigBearAlan · 04/04/2016 10:23

I think it might be a good idea to give them the pocket money and then let them choose whether to spend it or add it to their savings account.
I imagine they'll spend it, but personally I'd be fine with that. I wouldn't be fine with them frittering away the few thousand that's already in their accounts.

I'm not saying they will, but the temptation would be there. Could you maybe open new bank accounts for them - instant access ones? Then they can learn about saving up for things they want, and all pocket money from now on goes in there and as theirs to do what they want with. But it would mean the money they have so far saved up in the savings account is 'safe' and can be kept for when they are older?

RalphSteadmansEye · 04/04/2016 10:24

Why not set up new accounts for them with cash/debit cards. You can have those from age 11. Put half of what you used to save in the new accounts and half in savings. Then stop paying for days out.

It sounds like they have a lot of money spent on them already so extra days out can come out of their own money. If they don't spend it all, they can periodically move it over to savings.

Only1scoop · 04/04/2016 10:25

I'd give the 10 pocket money separately as cash.

imwithspud · 04/04/2016 10:31

I think you need to open them an ISA each, which they wouldn't be able to access until they're at least 18 for money they receive from in-laws/car/uni fund etc. And then they're current accounts can be used for pocket money whilst sitting them down, explaining the situation to them and coming to an agreement in regards to them contributing to future trips and days out. I wouldn't take money out for the trips that have already been done and dusted unless I was really desperate.

imwithspud · 04/04/2016 10:31

*their not they're

FruityDelicious · 04/04/2016 10:32

Just give them their pocket money and let them spend it was they choose.

Taking from their savings as you still want nice things when not working is very wrong, the money was given by their grandparents to benefit them in adult life.

It sounds like you begrudge spending on them.

Original poster
StuRedman · 04/04/2016 10:35

God, I don't begrudge spending on them at all! But when we set the accounts up years ago it was supposed to be ten pound a week pocket money to add to the balance that was already there from the grandparents. They've also added birthday and Christmas money to the accounts, so it's not just the IL's gifts in there any more (and I know exactly how much they've given).

It would be their 'pocket money' they'd be spending.

I will open an ISA each for the savings part and start asking them to use their pocket money for extras, I think.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 04/04/2016 10:37

Would also second popping their actual savings in an account until they are 18.

Would be awful if it was all wittled away when it had been given for a particular purpose.

nokidshere · 04/04/2016 10:39

I give my two the choice. If I am skint i tell them that and if they still want to go somewhere or do something then they pay for it themselves.

foodiefil · 04/04/2016 10:56

Could you up the weekly pocket money to £15 - put it into a separate account and then that's their weekly budget? Means they'll have to choose wiser. It would mean you're only spending a fiver more than you are on pocket money but zero on the non-stop handouts.

Some weeks they won't do anything so it will add up and £60 per month is a heck of a lot for their age!

Agree with other posters - you need to split the accounts, current and savings. Get them into good habits for the future.

BarbarianMum · 04/04/2016 10:59

My kids are 8 and 10. Their pocket money/birthday money/cash gifts from grandpa are paid straight into a savings account to which they have full access, so they can spend or save as they see fit. Works really well.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/04/2016 11:01

It would be unreasonable to do so for things that you have already spent, it would not be unreasonable to do so for future things providing the option is given in advance so they can consider if they wish to use their money on the trip or outing or go without it

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