To ask how you deal with tantrums in public?

[Amy214]

How do you deal with tantrums in public? I used to get really embarrased and just bundled up dd and ran out of there as fast as possible. Now i just let dd have her tantrum all over the floor whilst i stand back, i found that if i intervene and try and calm her down it just makes her worse and she ends up hurting herself sometimes i even tell her im leaving now goodbye and she gets up and runs after me (of course i always stay within 5 meters and i can see her) i try and ignore the whispers but i am aware of the looks and it really annoys me. Why cant people just mind their own business and get on with what they are doing?

I could never ignore a tantrum, I don't think its fair to inflict the screaming on others people's ears

I used to try to distract at first, then say you need to behave better or we will have to leave, then pick up and leave. Once outside she would be given some time to calm down and explain again we can't behave like that in public. If calm, go back in. If not, go home.

I learned the hard way that it's best to make sure she is well fed and not tired before attempting public appearances

I never noticed any judgyness, maybe I am just oblivious, but I think most people have been there themselves and looks are more likely sympathetic than glaring.

I basically just carry on with my tantrum until
I'm all screamed out and then carry on with my shopping. People stare but to hell with them.

On a serious note, I don't have children but I never judge when I see tantrum children. The only time I do feel uncomfortable is when the parent is screaming at the child or swearing at them.

Ignore, walk away.

My DD only tantrumed when she felt she had an audience. So much so that id walk off, hear instant quiet, and she'd find me and throw herself at my feet and start all over again

Walk away and ignore. I don't give a shit about the judgey looks. Once a woman clearly thought I was a terrible mother and went to try and console my DD in full on tantrum. Yeah, that ended well

Whatever works for the parents i suppose im going to try and ignore the looks. Dd only gets tired of walking because i recently got rid of her pram, she walks all day in the house but once shes outside shes suddenly incapable

My DS had incredible stamina when he tantrumed. He could keep going for an hour. There was no engaging with him at all until he was right at the very end and then I could cuddle him and calm him down. Until then the best thing to do was just ignore him. Luckily he very rarely tantrumed when we were out so I avoided the stares (apart from one memorable occasion in john Lewis)!

OP, you say you stay in the shopping centre if she tantrums and there could be 4-5 tantrums before you leave? I'd leave the shop if there was someone else's kid on her 5th tantrum inside, they must lose lots of customers. I know you can't stop tantrums, but you can leave. She has a large audience this way.

I was out shopping with DD and DGD at the weekend, my first experience of a tantrum with her. I started stamping my feet and shouting too. DGD looked at me laughed and we held hands and walked off together. I dont think it would work for her Mum who gets to deal with it daily but I had fun making her squirm with embarrassment!

Distract. If that doesn't work, ignore and supervise from a safe distance. Nothing else worked for us.

Carrying a tantrumming child always struck me as risky, my kids tended to flail around which makes it likely they'll be dropped or strike something like a doorframe.

My dd had back.to back tantrums if we shopped at all. Often, I had to carry on if I really needed stuff but it was excruciating and people certainly did look and judge. She pretty much stopped at three and ended up far better in public than ds who is ok now. They all come good in the end

Have only had one public tantrum (DC is 4) & it was rugby ball child under arm marching out of shop saying behaviour was disgusting and unacceptable (me). Punished when at home and it has never happened again (tempting fate).

I don't judge other parents, we are all doing our best & fighting our own battles. Everyone has things that they can/can't tolerate in their kids. Mine is bad behaviour.

Im not saying she has 5 tantrums in one shop paxillin this is about 3 hours max in a shopping centre. She has recently gotten worse since i got rid of her pram, i do use a safety harness but she hates it because they are too short so i have ordered new longer ones so hopefully she likes them and has more freedom. She only throws a fit because i wont let her go. Our shopping centre is massive so i doubt the same person would see us more than twice (but it is still embarrasing) and we only go in there if we really need to. I would rather ignore the tantrum than be kicked and punched in the face whilst trying to carry her out. If she tantrums at home i tell her im getting my 'tickle fingers out' and tickle her to make her laugh but i dont think i can really say things like that in public

3 hours in a shopping centre? I'd throw a paddy and I'm in my fourties !

Sorry but I would be one looking at you. I do realize there are times especially if other siblings are there that you simply can't just pick up and go. But honestly it bugs the hell out of me when parents out just ignore this in public because it Annoys others!! Having only one I did have the luxury of picking up and going but I also brought with me snacks, made sure dc wasn't tired when we went out and had soft toys/books with us when we went out too.

Dc's first Christmas we were at my relatives and my cousin had her two year old daughter there who had a two hour tantrum from before dinner until an hour after and we were told to 'ignore' her. It was Awful. I swore I'd never put anyone in that position and I didn't if humanly possible. It's selfish plain and simple.

I used to sing at my kids when they threw tantrums.
It showed I was paying them some attention, and really made it impossible for the tutters and complainers to say anything negative.

Why cant people just mind their own business and get on with what they are doing?

Because letting your child scream and thrash around on the floor and annoy other people because you can't be arsed to discipline her is outrageously rude?

My eldest has always been so easy on the tantrum front - a minute or two in you offer a hug and he comes flying into your arms, a minute after that you tickle his armpit and it's all smiles again.

My youngest though is a focused stubborn fellow - he kicks off at regular intervals and stays screaming mad forever. Once he's mad there is no reasoning with him, no distracting him, no giving choices, no offering hugs, no use your words strategies, no stern stop it, that halts it. If he is in an indoor place I'll carry him to the car or outside....but once outside I'll stay close by (a foot or two away) and just try to wait it out a bit, occasionally trying to encourage a hug or deep breath or talk.

If the parent is obviously stressed I'll ask if they need a hand.

Sometimes a friendly stranger (with parents permission) talking to the kid and asking what the matter is,no calms them down/freaks them out so they stop.

I've had people help me with my daughter and helped others when their kids kick off.

I don't think ignoring them is "not disciplining" them as a pp said. It's not buying into it or giving them any attention and letting them know that no one wants to be around them when they are behaving like that. Admittedly if a tantrum went on for hours you'd have to do something so as not to annoy others. Fortunately my dd would soon sort herself out when she realised it was achieving nothing.

It only takes 3 hours because we always leave it so long before going to get the things we need. Im not ignoring her im ignoring her tantrum that literally lasts 2 minutes but feels like forever. Shes not lay there screaming for 2 hours whilst i run around the shops getting everything. Like i said before shes only throwing a tantrum because i wont let her go to run freely and get lost/explore. I would love it if someone friendly talked to her it would calm her down.

That is a lot of walking for a young child. I would have still used the buggy if I knew I was going to be long so she/ he could sleep

As for annoying people, other people's kids screaming never bothers me. I feel sorry for the parents. I am just glad it's not mine. I can get away from other people's. I can't get away from mine

The library thing is funny. I took them to the library as something to do last week, first time they've been in one. I told them before hand they had to be quiet and since one of their favourite books is the Charlie and Lola "That's actually my book." Or whatever pretentious title it is based in the library, they knew anyway. Anyway they had a stupid stannah lift to get up to the children's section. I couldn't operate it properly and we got stuck , cue three small children screaming and panicking and the lift alarm going off, staff rushing around us trying to get us out. I bet everyone in there hated us.

Anywaaaay I ignore tantrums now TBH. Second nature to zone out from it. Nothing you can do to stop them once they're in tantrum land, regardless of what childless strangers might think. If I've got something to do, I've got to get it done. You can't storm out of every place every time they have a tantrum, that'll teach them they can get out of things they don't like by screaming! I just carry on as if nothing is happening. Sometimes if I'm alone walking with the youngest in her pushchair and she's having a tantrum I put my earphones in.

If aged 2 or 3 just let them get on with it, moving them out of the way if necessary!

By 4 or older they tend to be a little bit steerable but emotional or completely batshit, so I would definitely take away from the area to a quiet place and that would either put the brakes on it, or we'd talk a bit, remind of behaviour expectations and that would work but when in batshit territory, did have to sit on floor and restrain a few times!

But yes I agree it does sound a bit much to expect, you do have to plan the day around them a little bit when they are young. Can you go more often for short trips, order things online, or get somebody to babysit (or at least a friend to help distract!) if you need to do a long shopping trip? If you have a few bits to get then you can break it up a little by going to shops they like to play in etc or popping into the bank to use the bead toy things etc, bringing some snacks to eat on a bench, whatever it is. 3 hours straight in a shopping centre I couldn't have done when DS was little. 30 minutes is about right, possibly 40 with bribery of we'll go to the library afterwards or we'll get a milkshake or we'll go to the pet shop to look at the fish, whatever it was (doesn't have to be expensive or cost money).

FWIW I don't see a problem with doing tickle fingers in public. It definitely does help if you can let them wander a bit as well, obviously not running into unsafe places or touching a load of things in shops, but following their lead and letting them explore is okay and can help them be more amenable. Lots of warning in advance of what is going to happen (When we go into X shop we have to hold hands. Can you see it? When we go through that door there.) (When we get to the road, you need to either hold hands or sit in the pushchair. Which would you like?) Also, give her little jobs to help. "I'm looking for a blue t-shirt. Can you help me find a blue one?" and if you like you can pretend to be silly so that she can "help" you. "I need something to put on my feet but I can't remember what it is. Is it a potato? Is it a hat? OH!! That's right, it's socks, silly mummy, how did I forget. Now what kind of socks shall I buy..." DS used to love trying on all of the hats in H&M. Also praise when she is helpful/walking/holding hands nicely. It can be a bit exhausting, but, again, another reason why 3 hours is ambitious. I definitely agree with taking a buggy if you're going to be out for a while as well so she can have a rest and so that you have a way of containing her if she is getting uncontrollable.

Good luck!

It only takes 3 hours because i walk at her pace, we probably go into 4 shops to buy a couple things. She stops a lot to look in the windows especially if they have fairy lights and figures.
Its only because i tell her she needs to stay close because its not safe. I have ordered a harness that is longer. She doesnt sit in a buggy she hates them because 'no freedom'.