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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just not be able to relax when DC have their friends over?

17 replies

MattDillonsPants · 03/04/2016 02:36

I just can't! I wish I could be one of those super chilled parents who welcome ALL the kids and let them get on with it while they themselves get on with their stuff but I can't!

It makes me anxious to have kids around, getting into stuff, making messes and being shrill. DD2 has a friend who is SO shrill my nerves burn whenever she screams.

Kids are 11 and 8 and yesterday we had 3 of the older child's mates here all day and 1 of the youngers mates here....all day...the little one ended up sleeping here.

DH on the other hand says he feels happy when the house is full of kids having a good time. He says it makes him feel at peace!

I know it's nice for the DC....but I can't cope!

The little one is still here as her Mum's not coming for an hour and I'm DONE!

OP posts:

Original poster

MattDillonsPants · 03/04/2016 02:38

Oh AND the older DC begged for a sleepover too! I said no because the little one was already staying over and it was too much plus none had arranged to bring their stuff with them and there's not enough bedding or beds! I know there are floors but I only have one duvet per person at the moment...thats 4...so with an extra 3 kids...big tall 12 year olds too...where would they sleep?

OP posts:

Stanky · 03/04/2016 02:54

I know what you mean, and I am the same. I can't relax either, and feel a bit on guard. I think that it's the responsibility of looking after someone else's kids as well. I would feel awful if anything bad happened on my watch, and having to explain it to their parents.

Bloodybridget · 03/04/2016 02:55

The child's mother is coming to pick her up in the middle of the night?? Or are you not in UK timezone? Sounds ghastly having all those kids round, anyway.

Andylion · 03/04/2016 03:04

. DD2 has a friend who is SO shrill my nerves burn whenever she screams.
Well, I'd have a no-screaming rule.

Original poster

MattDillonsPants · 03/04/2016 03:42

Not in UK Bridget....Andy I can't instigate no screaming....they're only 7 and 8 and running in the garden they do scream and yell a bit. My DC seem to have low voices so encountering kids with high pitched shrieks is new to me.

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Original poster

MattDillonsPants · 03/04/2016 08:16

The Mum turned up and took my DD away with her and her DD! They've gone to some adventure playground... Bargain! I still feel utterly battered though!

I see other Mothers that I know being able to cope with a tonne of random kids and with other things at the same time...I saw one friend actually working on a large scale painting whilst a load of kids rand in and out of the house and her husband cooked dinner nearby.

I could NEVER do that.

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Hassled · 03/04/2016 08:20

No, I'm the same as you. Mine are older now so we're talking a houseful of teenage boys rather than shrieking girls, and it's not as if I even have to interact with any of them, but I still can't completely relax. I have a friend who will just sit calmly drinking tea while hordes of children swarm in and out of her house - I don't know how she does it.

HazyMazy · 03/04/2016 08:23

Thank God, that didn't really happen in my day.

I would def go out and leave DH in charge. He isn't stressed as you are there and you will be the go to person if the DCs want anything or anything happens to them.
To cover yourself you could mention to visiting DCs parents that you are busy that day but DH is home. And see if that puts them off but I doubt it.

I had DCs visiting quite regularly but it was in the days when DCs could go out to play unsupervised so they were at the park or something, not in my house (we were in a small village btw not inner London)

DoreenLethal · 03/04/2016 08:23

When I have shrill people around me, I tell them that the person they are talking to is RIGHT NEXT to them and there is no need to be heard at the far end of the garden. So they need to pipe down.

One person I worked with [he is a volunteer at a community garden], every time I heard his voice from the other end of the garden, I went over and said 'is everything ok, I heard your voice at the other end of the garden. Can I help?'. It annoyed him so much he started speaking quieter. Win-win.

Disabrie22 · 03/04/2016 08:24

I'm the same as your Hubbie - however I think that's because I am a messy person so can cope with the mess - most people are the same as you - I think I'm the strange one!

WhoKnowsWhereTheT1meGoes · 03/04/2016 08:31

I was like this when they were younger, but it's fine now they are 10 and 12, in fact it does enable me to get in with stuff better than normal because it keeps my two out of my hair. We limit it to one friend per child most if the time which really helps. I get twitchy if they are using the trampoline or playing football in the garden, but I usually send them to a nearby green now for football. If things do start getting riotous I tell them to stick a film or the xbox on and don't hear another peep out of them.

Original poster

MattDillonsPants · 03/04/2016 08:42

Disabrie But I'm the messy one and DH is tidy! However, he has far fewer personal boundaries than I do. For instance if a child goes near my books or other personal items, I start palpitating.

The kids here do in fact play outside...it's a small Australian country town...people would think me weird if I acted as we did in England and didn't let them out...even 7 year olds walk to school here....but for some reason, even on nice days which aren;t hot, the children WILL choose to haunt the house, having fashion shows etc...

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/04/2016 17:24

I'd have a no screeching rule too! I love it when kids are over so I'm the same as your dh. Ds is a teen now and they just sort of loaf around and need tons of food

TheScottishPlay · 03/04/2016 17:36

I am in the midst of it just now. Three lovely 12 year olds plus my DS. I have seen them only to provide food really and have a quick chat. They have been no trouble just Xboxing, nerf gun battling and designing comics. They have even complimented my pizza and scone making (they have eaten a hundred weight of both + lots else which I happily make for them).
Yet they are due to be dropped off at 6 and I cannot wait. I feel my house will need deep cleaned/fumigated to make it mine again when they go!

thebear1 · 03/04/2016 19:02

I don't mind the noise or mess but I do feel on edge in case one of the friends gets injured or I have to get involved in an argument.

Puppymouse · 03/04/2016 19:16

Def not BU - DD is 2.5 and I am dreading having friends over and whether I am damaging her by not being more sociable. I abandoned toddler groups a year or so ago and now realise my mum hated me having friends over when I was younger so it probably explains the one birthday party I had in the 18 years I lived at home

Natsku · 03/04/2016 20:57

I'm more like your DH, we often have the neighbourhood children (ranging from 3yrs to 8 so can get a bit crazy) in and out of the house, especially at weekends and I can quite happily do my own thing - read a book, browse the net, take a sneaky nap... while they run riot. I do tell them to quiet down though if they get too loud and if I get fed up I just turf them all outside. Quite often send DD to one of their houses too to make things fair

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