...to feel hurt at being ditched by this friend?

[NuckyT]

I had a very close friend in my previous workplace. We were really close pals and confided in each other a lot - gripes about colleagues, she came to me with her man woes, she helped me through grief when my father died, she confided in me when she was off work with MH issues. Anyway, I changed jobs about a year ago, and we said that we would keep in touch, so I took her out for lunch a couple of times, invited her to my new office for coffee, etc. But then I noticed I was doing all the inviting, so decided to hold off.

A few months later she emailed to say that she had a new job in another town, and we would have to meet up before she went away. Next thing I knew she texted to say she'd already moved. She was back at Xmas and we arranged to meet, but she texted to cancel, and I know she has been back in town since but hasn't been in touch. I have sent Xmas and birthday cards, but received none myself.

AIBU to feel really hurt and sh*tty at being ditched like this?

I know it is shifty but some people are just like that. I made a very good friend at work but realised she was a "right here, right now" friend. Then when she left I never saw her again. I had a few texts which were replies to mine then nothing. Same with other friends she made at work.

Some people are just like that, if you are not in their lives "right here, right now" you get ditched.

It really sucks for you and you must feel hurt, you're not unreasonable at all.

Sometimes life gets us carried away though. I'm lucky that most of my friends completely understand my work and life arrangements so know that sometimes I just can't be there for them in the way I can be, and vice versa.

Why don't you talk to her and tell her how you feel? She might be completely shocked and unaware of the impact she's having on you.

I think YABU but I understand why you are feeling like you do. . Are you are assuming that she's ditched you because she doesn't like you? I suspect that's it's much more likely that she is just too busy and that it no reflection on you whatsoever. I've had some brilliant friendships that have died out due to one of us moving - it doesn't make the friendship we had any less meaningful.

Just as an update to this, I found out my friend had been home for a month on holiday and never got in touch once. I really am surprised by how hurt I feel by this - I've never had many close friends, and it stings a bit to find out that someone I felt close to thinks absolutely nothing of me at all.

I have this all the time OP. I've met and been close to some lovely people but it's been a case of working with them, being at uni together etc so we've seen each other most days. Then we leave and promise to keep in touch and it just fades out. I don't know why, maybe because we're not hugely sociable people and were only close because of our situations? I think fondly of them all though and hope they do of me.. It's weird though, I still count them as close friends but don't see them Then realise I hardly have any current friends.

I had this from an old work based friend, like someone up there ^ said- some people are just more right here right now, it isn't really personal.