Pram phobia

[Irrationalphobia]

I've name changed as this is quite embarrassing. I realise I probably deserve to be laughed at and told I need to get a grip, but this is genuinely causing me a lot of worry.

I'm really pleased to be pregnant with my first and I'm not an anxious person by nature. I'm not overly worried about blood tests or giving birth or sleepless nights. But the thought of pushing a pram fills me with horror and panic. I don't know what is is about them but I can't bring myself to even go into a shop to look at them, let alone touch or push one.

I saw a woman jogging with an enormous pram the other day in full lycra running gear, really going for it. God help you if you got in her way, they'd have to identify you from your dental records. I thought she looked completely ridiculous (sorry if this description sounds like you). I felt really panicky and faint thinking oh god please don't let that be me.

I would honestly rather wake up covered in spiders than push a pram.

Maybe I could just have a sling to carry the baby around in (dh thinks not)? Has anyone managed without a pram? Any other suggestions?

cheeseandonion
I don't allow my dc to take any toy out on trips which won't fit in my backpack when they get bored. I'm mean! My dd does however have the most lovely lennylamb doll sling

Yes herewego like anything, different things suit different situations/people.

Thank you so much for all the suggestions and comments, it's really helped.. I'm going to look into different types of sling and a local sling library, and have written down all the slings and small buggies you have recommended. I do drive, and the bus also stops right outside our house so I won't be carrying shopping bags too far.

I know that dh wouldn't wear a sling so I might think about letting him choose a very small buggy just to keep him quiet, maybe that that clips into a car seat (I didn't know these existed) so that he can push it. Dh means well but has made me feel like I am going to be a prisoner at home if I don't have one. He's been very dismissive about a sling and is adamant that is isn't practical and that everyone needs a pram, so it's reassuring to hear otherwise.

I do have neighbours with a small child so thank you for the suggestions of having a look at their pram, i'd not thought of that. I don't know if I'm up to pushing it round the block, but I'm sure I can pluck up the courage to ask than to give me a demonstration!

I am happy for now knowing I'll be ok starting with a sling and will keep an open mind about other options.

Thank you mumsnetters for all the help and advice and for not just laughing at me!

Also sorry to the lycra-wearing jogging mums on here, I know you're very nice people really, it's just that your prams are a bit big and scary

Nothing sexier than a daad wearing a baby in a sling

OP don't sweat it!
I am only knowledgeable about slings because I happened to come across a thread on these very pages while pg! I had no clue about the things at all, and hated the thought of those massive unwieldy prams that everyone round here has, I like tramping over hill and vale!

You sound very organised, definitely a local meet and library, have a good chat to other slingers.
FWIW my DP was really unsure about slings, especially the more "hippy" looking types, but DS hated the pram, and a couple of outings with him screaming blue murder, until he was in the sling, quickly persuaded DP otherwise!

The ring sling type is not great for lond distances when they are a bit bigger, as it's over one shoulder, but it is great for bfing, and is adjustable for older kids so you can have them on your hip. (but I got an excellent rucksack carrier when DS was 10 months)
I loved the mei tai wrap , very comfy, could get stuff done, and I got it in a plain colour so DP was happier to wear it too (also men do look v v attractive with a tiny baby in a sling, just sayin!)

I also had a v cheap front harness type thing so I could do the shopping with a rucksack/walk long distances.
I didn't spend more than £40 on them all, as I got them all second hand/free from friends and the internet.

Let uour DP pick a small buggy if he wants, it doesn't hurt to have options, but definitely get a sling for yourself, it doesn't have to be expensive.

My DH would use the baby bjorn or Manduca but not a wrap type.

As far as prams are concerned I hate driving them - feels like parking the QE2 in Mevagissey harbour! Same applies to pushchairs but less so.

A lot depends on where you live - in Cambridge I'd probably find wheels more useful than in a hilly town set into a cliff with about a million steps. Also walking for me involves stiles, mud and tree roots!

I sort of know how you feel. I felt very self-conscious when I first took DS out in the pram, almost embarrassed about it. I felt people were staring and thought I was showing off or trying to get attention or something. It's hard to explain and clearly not rational!

I used a carrier a lot (M&P Morph) and still do, I have never taken the pram on public transport and the thought of doing so makes me cringe - again, not rational... Now DS is heavier at 8mo I am struggling with the carrier and embracing the pram more. In thinking of getting a more compact buggy now so I feel a bit less conspicuous.

I don't think you can avoid a pram altogether I'm afraid, babies get heavy and need lots of stuff and in my case I don't have a car so need to carry shopping too. If it helps I am mostly over my pram-fear, the first few trips out were awful but now I don't give it much thought.

try a sling and see how you go. The pram comes into it's own for pushing loads of crap around in - shopping, spare coat, bags etc. I loved my sling but it got very hot in the middle of summer and wasn't always practical

My tall, very alpha male DH happily wore a sling - we have twins so needed to use on each.

I had a nice bright colourful one and he had chose a less conspicuous black.

He got a lot of female attention while using it. We'd walk through the supermarket with our babies and women would just melt as he passed by they'd totally ignore me obvs As shameful said a man taking care of his baby can make a pretty attractive picture.

He was pretty enthusiastic about our back packs too (does like a nice gadget my DH ) and we went all over the place with them (his manly grey, mine girly with pretty patterns on)

My DS hates the pram. So we never use it, May as well have never got it. DH and I use a sling. I've used the pram once in town, it was awful. The sling is just much more convenient anyway, as well as DS much preferring it!

Ah yes nothing sexier than a man carrying a baby in a sling - especially the wrap style! There are lots of pics online of male celebs wearing slings (Channing Tatum from memory was papped carrying his baby a lot if I recall) - show your DH some pics and he might come round to the idea!

If you think your phobia is a linked to the fact a pram shouts "I AM A MOTHER" you'll probably love a wrap sling - I usually flung a light scarf or shawl round my shoulders and it really wasn't obvious I was carrying a baby at all when he was small. Numerous times I stopped chatting to someone in the street and was asked "where is DS?"'- um, he's right in front of you! I much, much preferred the sling to lugging a buggy about.

I think men are generally happier with a carrier over a fabric sling.

You can definitely manage without one but if you have a large child that ends up being either a late or just unenthusiastic walker it could be challenging once they get older. I am petite and have a very tall almost 2yr old. I haven't been able to see down to my feet for over 6 months which can make navigating some thugs like stairs or bumpy paths more challenging. (I have 2 strollers and a carrier and used a minute wrap when he was small). A carrier where you can put them on your back is great once they are bigger but not ideal if you are taking public transport.

I also found I switched over to push chair in the winter because it felt safer when the ground was wet and slippery.

I would say first 6 months you will be fine. Reasses the need for a stroller then (maybe and umbrella stroller with small recline). The last thing you want is to have made it to 1yr + and then realising you need a stroller

*moby wrap

I sort of know what you mean OP, though I didn't class my dislike of them as a phobia, I had various associations.

1st association - most people are considerate users of things, but there's always a handful of those who aren't, and I didn't want to turn into one of those pram users who barges past first because they thing they are entitled to, rams people's ankles or just generally gets in the way. Of course I didn't - I'd always hang back for someone without a pram to pass through quickly, and as far as I'm aware never rammed everybody's ankles. But subconsciously I thought "ooh I hope I don't turn into one of THOSE people". Possibly more of a "what kind of parent will I be".

I also had to tackle the transition from young child free woman to "mother" and in particular "pram pusher". Because once again, this doesn't describe every pram pusher, but I'd seen the ones who looked like they hadn't washed their hair in a week, hadn't slept properly in a month, trudging along with the massive buggy with all the shit hanging off it, with a big padded khaki coat on with a furry hood and thought, does it have to be like that. Is that judgemental? Probably, but only insofar as I didn't want to become/feel like that. What other people are going through is anyone's guess, but I wanted to feel like I was coping better than that. For what it's worth, there were probably times I was out and about and spotted by an expectant mother who thought "I want to do it better than that". I'm okay with that!

But you can get by without one a lot of the time - and often we did, mainly because my DH was not a fan of being tied down with a buggy - he was happy to wear my 2nd child whilst my first would walk, and that kind of thing.

I was out at a country park about a week back and there was a woman talking to her friend, walking behind us, and her friend was saying "what will you do when you don't have the buggy?!" and the woman said "oh god I don't know!". The buggy was empty of children and piled high with all sorts of crap, so you might just end up rather used to it and dependent on it who knows!

My dd is 16 months and I can count on one hand the number of times she has been in a pram. Get yourself to a sling library - with the right sling you can carry them into the preschool years if you want to. My dd does a mixture of sling and walking (I have a tula).

I am a pramoholic and now have a Silvercross Balmoral that I have used around the village for general walks, I wouldn't take it for further a field because it has a 40inch long body! But it is amazing and my toddler who has used it so far loves to fill it with toys, sit like a queen and then have a snooze! I can't wait to do it up properly (it's a bit of a project 2nd hand buy) for my next baby! I am a sling wearer too and love the ring sling and have had a full tradition wrap sling. I am lazy and love prams for loading up all the sort of stuff I can't be bother to carry! I had a Phil & Teds with two kids on and loaded with shopping and tied bags to it for the way home :)
Have actually had 3 on my P&Ts when coming home from a local park with a tired older sibling sitting on the footrest.
I hope you sort your phobia out...I find seeing jogging mums and prams weird - usually because they have their kids in a buggy with rubbish suspension so I always feel sorry for the child!!!

Slightly tongue in cheek here, but did you pramzillas also have big weddings?

We used woven wraps from birth with ours, barely bothered with a pram. And I wouldn't get one if we had any more.

You can carry big kids in them too...DD was 3+ here.

Are prams a London thing? I rarely see prams. I live in a rural location- crap for prams anyway, muddy tracks in all directions, but even in my nearest city - Edinburgh -and I am there 3 days a week, I rarely see a pram.

Dh used them too.

witsender- beautiful photos.

I used a ring sling- I found it very adaptable, for newborns, older babies and toddlers on the hip and can be used as a back carrier, blanket, picnic mat or impromptu changing mat.
OH preferred a metal framed back carrier once they were old enough.

You make life harder for yourself if you don't have a pram / buggy..Personally I liked being able to put the baby down and did not want to be attached to her all the time while out.

How do you get a pram in a car?

Can you take a pram on a bus?