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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pram phobia

129 replies

Irrationalphobia · 31/03/2016 12:57

I've name changed as this is quite embarrassing. I realise I probably deserve to be laughed at and told I need to get a grip, but this is genuinely causing me a lot of worry.

I'm really pleased to be pregnant with my first and I'm not an anxious person by nature. I'm not overly worried about blood tests or giving birth or sleepless nights. But the thought of pushing a pram fills me with horror and panic. I don't know what is is about them but I can't bring myself to even go into a shop to look at them, let alone touch or push one.

I saw a woman jogging with an enormous pram the other day in full lycra running gear, really going for it. God help you if you got in her way, they'd have to identify you from your dental records. I thought she looked completely ridiculous (sorry if this description sounds like you). I felt really panicky and faint thinking oh god please don't let that be me.

I would honestly rather wake up covered in spiders than push a pram.

Maybe I could just have a sling to carry the baby around in (dh thinks not)? Has anyone managed without a pram? Any other suggestions?

OP posts:

trilbydoll · 31/03/2016 14:23

My husband has a fear of being "those people" in an airport. Unfortunately, with two dc under 3, a pushchair that's slightly bent so doesn't collapse easily and our bags, we are never going to glide through security serenely. As a result he gets quite stressed out.

It sounds like your pram fear is similar, always being in the way etc. It's fine as long as you don't mind carrying stuff. I like walking but fundamentally I'm pretty lazy so no chance am I walking back from town with dc in a sling and heavy shopping too. I view my pushchair as my personal shopping trolley!

thomassodorisland · 31/03/2016 14:36

I don't like buggies very much they take up a lot of room in the house or car, dd is 13 months and I only used the sling until this last month, I still wear her everyday but have a double which is handy for dp who doesn't like to wear her so he can take both dc out.
Our ds had sn and still needs a buggy at 4 Hence the double.

I think if you start wearing them young enough you grow stronger as time goes on therefor it's like going and picking up a 1-2 year old and trying to wear them without being used to it.

FreeButtonBee · 31/03/2016 14:36

If you want a small unobtrusive buggy the babyzen yoyo is teeny and can be folded one handed (I've done it holding a squirmy 7mo). Folds up about the size of a big cushion and v light. Has a newborn adapt or as well.

I also have had close caboo sljngs (for newborn to 4-5mo depending how heavy they are) and now an ergo classic. Which is brilliant comfy although you get lots of looks - mostly admiring!

saivartelija · 31/03/2016 14:42

With our first DC we mostly used a sling, at least for the first few months. Now that he is over 2, we usually use a hipseat or a back-carrier when we go shopping with him. We did have a Maclaren pushchair which could be used from birth, but this has been used by the grand parents more than by than us. We are doing the same at the moment with our second DC.

We just find carrying more convenient than using a pram or pushchair, particularly when negotiating trains etc, or shopping centres with lifts in - with the sling or carrier you can just walk up the stairs instead of queuing for the lift! The DCs both seem to enjoy being up at adult head-height with a good view of everything.

In addition to the sling, I use a wheeled shopping trolley when I'm doing a big or bulky shop, so that it is easy to get stuff home. DH is less keen to use my shopping trolley though!

RustyRobot · 31/03/2016 14:48

Depends on the child. DS hated the pram, screamed every time I put him in it until he was about 7 months. DD hated the carrier/sling and never lasted more than half an hour, was very happy in the pram. Depends also on how you feel physically once baby is here.

Also, do you have access to a car?

Crazypetlady · 31/03/2016 15:20

The only time my child sleeps is the pram I love it. I tried the carrier and hated it I've tried again several times so don't be disheartened if you change your mind

Dalmatian2017 · 31/03/2016 15:25

Life is so much easier without a Pram when they are young. It's iseful when they are older for all the stuff they like to bring with them when they are out and about. I put mine in pushchairs from 18m plus for longer journeys. A good sling and a backpack is all you need.

Vixyboo · 31/03/2016 15:34

I had an emergency c-section. My ds' buggy became a great thing to lean on when I walked around with him!

Do you have a friend who has a buggy and baby? You could try just having a little walk?

NCT sales do great 2nd hand items. You could look there at buggies and even if you got a cheap one that you don't end up using dh could use it?

I am unable to use a sling as my ds was 2 weeks overdue and I ended up in a wheelchair at the end of my pregnancy. I am short and dumpy and I think my body had had enough! If I try him in a sling it just hurts me too much.

MissDuke · 31/03/2016 15:57

With the first baby slings can be very practical as you don't need to carry as much stuff. However when going out with two or three kids, the pram is brilliant. Sadly we are passed that stage and today when out with all three, I had a backpack with picnic and other things in, and my arms were filled with 3 coats, a doll and various other bits. I miss the pram

Starspread · 31/03/2016 16:01

No pram or buggy here; baby is 5m and we've just said to people that we'll get a buggy when we need one (by which we privately mean 'if').

Post c section advice is not to lift anything heavier than your baby; unless you're planning a long walk (which you shouldn't be after a section anyway!), I think you'd be fine - my DH did the sling-wearing for the first 2 or 3 weeks I think (we never went anywhere without each other at the time!) and then I've done most of it since then (though he's also a dab hand with the woven wrap these days).

The more you do it the easier it is, too; just like your own baby doesn't seem heavy but picking up other people's babies before having your own they seemed really heavy - you genuinely build muscle from lifting and carrying them :)

Artandco · 31/03/2016 16:05

Miss - this is when you buy child size rucksacks and get them to carry their own crap

HeteronormativeHaybales · 31/03/2016 16:13

Have brought 2 babies up pramless or virtually so (have 3 but did use a pram with dc1). Had a second-hand pram for dc2 but used it as a pram* prob about 5 times. Dc3 is 6 months and has never been in one. We use Marsupi and Manduca carriers - simple and fab.

*Did use it as a buggy later on, at the stroller stage, which is from a year or so with me - though I front carried dc2 well into his second year. Dh had a Tough Traavler back carrier with dc1 and 2 and adored it. Planning to get a stroller for dc3 in the next couple of months but it prob won't get much use until she's nearer 1.

I do think prams get a bit fetishised and come to symbolise something about motherhood - either its desirability or its constraints, or both perhaps?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 31/03/2016 16:13

*Tough Traveler

SkodaLabia · 31/03/2016 16:20

I think it depends where you live. I loved wandering along pushing the pram/pushchair on sunny days with everything in the basket, no bag to carry, it felt freeing.

If I'd been in a busy city I'd have been much more likely to use the sling everywhere.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 31/03/2016 16:22

Plenty of good advice here already. I would also add its not a permanent decision not to have a pram/pushchair. If once the baby is here you want one, you can go out and buy one. Most places do next day delivery anyway.

If the thought of getting one stresses you out, don't get it. Being kind to yourself is important in motherhood Imo. You will hear so many opinions from others it can be stressful if you try to listen to them all!

RevoltingPeasant · 31/03/2016 16:30

OP google your city name + sling library. Loads of places have one where you can try out a sling for free or v low cost.

That said, you also have to factor in your baby.

We bought an expensive Caboo carrier for DD after trying it out at a sling library. She accepted it for about 2 weeks and then went rigid with fury if I tried to put her in it, screamed the place down etc. So we defaulted to her buggy where she was happy!

Just bear in mind you may not have a baby who wants to be slinged.....

Pufflehuff · 31/03/2016 16:34

Not to be insensitive, but do you have a phobia of shopping trollies as well? It's the same thing. A cart on wheels to push heavy things in.

merrymouse · 31/03/2016 16:44

I think it's quite normal and rational to have a fear that your identity will be subsumed beneath that of being a mother to a small baby, and that having lived a reasonably autonomous life for a number of years you will suddenly be forced to become one of those people, and I can quite see why you would feel this way about prams.

However, as others have said, you do not have to buy a pram, and even having bought a pram, you can sell it and exchange it for a different one if you find it doesn't fit in with your lifestyle.

The number of baby products you need to get before the baby arrives is very, very small. You can gradually decide which things you need.

Plateofcrumbs · 31/03/2016 16:46

I use a sling most of the time, but I do have a running buggy and am often whizzing down the pavement in full Lycra! Best way to exercise with a baby!

AntiHop · 31/03/2016 16:46

Up until my dd was about 15 months I almost never used a pram. I had no problem carrying her all day and the nappy bag. Around 15 months I started to find her too heavy to do this for more than a short walk. She absolutely refuses to be carried on my back.

Op I think you should ask your gp to refer you for cbt or similar. Phobias can be treated and this phobia could really impact on your life.

Beeziekn33ze · 31/03/2016 17:11

If you don't already, get to know some local mums. Notice what they do on pavements, crowded places, it may help you pinpoint the reason for your dislike of prams. Show an interest in the type of pram and (with someone you know well!) ask to push their pram a brief distance to see how it handles. Test drive prams in a roomy pram selling store, with DH!
Don't let this come between you and DH. Hope you have a lovely baby however you choose to transport him/her.

Threefaries · 31/03/2016 17:23

I've had three children and never had a pram.

3luckystars · 31/03/2016 17:23

I don't have a pram phobia but absolutely HATE those plastic rain covers that go over prams, I can't even look at them.

You can click your carseat on to wheels, and push that, it will be tiny. Maybe that would work for you until you get used to pushing something?
I think some prams are very big and bulky looking and I totally understand why you wouldn't want to be pushing one of them, especially the jogging ones.

corythatwas · 31/03/2016 17:59

I did buy a sling and used it sometimes, but not as much as I had thought: stitches on my sensitive parts didn't make it a particularly pleasant experience.

But that is the kind of thing you find out after the birth- and it's not as if they're going to stop selling prams if you suddenly decide you need one.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 31/03/2016 21:24

bertie

BadDoGooder I had a pre school wompat for ds when he was 4.
We currently have a toddler wompat for dd, which I will swap for the pre school one in a yr or so

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