Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pram phobia

129 replies

Irrationalphobia · 31/03/2016 12:57

I've name changed as this is quite embarrassing. I realise I probably deserve to be laughed at and told I need to get a grip, but this is genuinely causing me a lot of worry.

I'm really pleased to be pregnant with my first and I'm not an anxious person by nature. I'm not overly worried about blood tests or giving birth or sleepless nights. But the thought of pushing a pram fills me with horror and panic. I don't know what is is about them but I can't bring myself to even go into a shop to look at them, let alone touch or push one.

I saw a woman jogging with an enormous pram the other day in full lycra running gear, really going for it. God help you if you got in her way, they'd have to identify you from your dental records. I thought she looked completely ridiculous (sorry if this description sounds like you). I felt really panicky and faint thinking oh god please don't let that be me.

I would honestly rather wake up covered in spiders than push a pram.

Maybe I could just have a sling to carry the baby around in (dh thinks not)? Has anyone managed without a pram? Any other suggestions?

Blush Blush Blush

OP posts:
BadDoGooder · 31/03/2016 13:31

I hate not having my arms free to do stuff btw.
Do you think this might be part of the issue for you?

That's why I can't get on with pushchairs, feels horribly restrictive not having my hands free!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 31/03/2016 13:34

Herewegoagainfolks

However it can be a bit limiting as the DC gets heavier but still isn't able to walk long distances. You wouldn't be able to carry a heavy toddler and a load of shopping for example.

Yes you can!

Birthgeek · 31/03/2016 13:36

He can't force you to use a pram. If he tries then you have bigger problems than a pram phobia :(

You don't absolutely need one. We haven't really evolved to use them, have we?

However if YOU would like to use a pram and deal with your phobia, see a hypnotherapist.

figginz · 31/03/2016 13:37

Do you have fear of being drowned in baby stuff op? I had palpitations when first handed a bag of hand me downs.

Or is it the terminology? I refused to choose a car seat and delegated to dp as I could not stand all the jargon.

I think you can manage ok without a pram. I have one and use it now she is a pick up every bloody leaf toddler but didn't use it for first four ish months as she hated it and screamed and screamed.

Maybe get your dh to do research and pick one he likes, then agree to see what happens. You can always buy one when the baby arrives. Tell your dh they'll still make prams then!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 31/03/2016 13:37

I have 2dc and have one running pushchair, the only time I've used it is to run with. It's the only way I am able to go for a run, by taking dc with me.

Any other time I have only used slings, there are hundreds of types/designs/brands to choose from.

It's worth getting yourself and your dh to a sling library/meet up x

BadDoGooder · 31/03/2016 13:38

Agree Shameful I was still carrying DS at 3.5, doing the shopping, then getting on the bus with him in the carrier and bagfuls of heavy stuff.

It kept me fit, and meant I didn't have to wait till DP was around to do the food shop.
Depends on your health and strength, but I'm only 5'3" and small, so I reckon most people could give it a go.

Carrying them all the time builds the muscles, so you don't notice when they get heavier, as you are getting stronger at the same time IYSWIM.

Alasalas2 · 31/03/2016 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 31/03/2016 13:43

Yes baddogooder I think if you carry them from a tiny age and carry on carrying them, then your muscles get used to it and the gradual increase of weight over time isn't an issue.
My ds is 6, he was carried until 4yrs. My dd is 2.5yrs and is still carried daily, up, down, up, down, up, down 😀
With both we started with a wrap, then a mei tai, then a soft structured carrier, I'm now on to a toddler sized carrier for dd and when she's too big for that I will swap for a pre school sized one

53rdAndBird · 31/03/2016 13:44

Mine was in a sling after a section, from I think about 2 weeks old? Wouldn't have been able to do this with some types of sling, though.

Still carry her about now aged 2, although we do use a buggy as well (much less than the sling though)

honkinghaddock · 31/03/2016 13:44

Ds is still in a pram (well sn pushchair) age 9 so in sometimes you really do need one.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 31/03/2016 13:46

It's worth getting yourself & your dh to a ali g social/library/meet.

BertieBotts · 31/03/2016 13:47

You can definitely do just slings but you'll have to get into researching types of sling and be warned you can get quite addicted/obsessive over it.

I tend towards "hippy" (there is a correlation) and though I used a pushchair I knew a fair few people who never even bothered to buy one after finding it useless with their first and preferring slings.

BertieBotts · 31/03/2016 13:47

An Ali G meet? Grin Innit?

clockbuscanada · 31/03/2016 13:48

Is it partly because DH is being so gung ho about it? That would stress me out.

chocdonutyy · 31/03/2016 13:49

I couldnt have gone without mine, i did try a sling but my back just hurt too much but with hindsight it could have been the type i used, certainly wasnt dd she was tiny 😀
The main uses were carrying shopping from the local shop, probably a mile or so away, letting her sleep outdoors in the summer safely and if I went out and she fell asleep
Where I used to live it took a long-time to get anywhere and not sure I could carry her for a long time but from what i hear you do get used to it.
Is it just prams or would pushchairs be ok? Not that it helps when they are displayed together though!

BadDoGooder · 31/03/2016 13:49

I looked at it like Army style "yomping" (I think that's what they call it!)
Like weight training and distance walking in one!
It's probably the only reason I lost any weight after DS!

I do love me a good carrier, it actually annoys me that DS is too big for the carrier I have now, but too little to walk long distances still. I just can't use a pushchair, so I end up not doing as much walking, which makes me a bit Sad what carrier did you use on 4yr old DC Shameful?

Homemadearmy · 31/03/2016 13:49

Check out your local sling library and get a good sling.

WrapaholicMumma · 31/03/2016 13:50

You don't have to buy a pram if you don't want one :) my youngest is almost 6 months and he has been in a pushchair twice.

It would be a good idea to visit your local sling library if you can. You can go whilst your pregnant and try out different slings with their doll. You can hire if you are unsure about buying your own. They have so many different types to try and different people get in better with different slings.

You may find later on that actually you would like to get a pram but they are easy to get hold of if you want one

BeautifulLiar · 31/03/2016 13:50

Oh my god - I was exactly the same! When I was pregnant with my first I was only 18, and all the young people I saw with prams and kids were like Vicky Pollard impersonators. I was terrified that would be me!!

I used to carry the baby everywhere which was ridiculous. When I did use the pram I was shite at driving it.

However, now I'm on my fourth baby and I love pushing her pram! I'm trying to find an excuse to go for a walk in the sun today so I can get her in it. Plus you don't have to carry bags or anything :)

superwormissuperstrong · 31/03/2016 13:52

Adding on to your own thoughts - that it draws attention to you and that you will get in the way/struggle with one - it sounds like its the very obvious public signal that you are a mother now and that you will be judged for it, when you were quite happy with your previous status as an adult without children.
If you can accept that yes your life has changed, but that it doesn't have to mean the loss of your identity you may start to emotionally come to terms with it and find the idea of a pram less scary. For example we are the type of couple that hasn't dramatically changed our lives - we still travel lots (our 'thing') and take our baby with us, and are quite happy without routines and the baby is happy, contented and thriving. In contrast to my best friend who can't possibly do anything as she is tied to the house (we always have to visit her) and her routines and very much has embraced the stay-at-home devoted (and sometimes martyrish) mum persona.
Like you say, once you can pinpoint the issues you can address them.
On a practical level I think you may be happier with a lightweight, very maneouvarable, small buggy type arrangement rather than a full on fancy big travel system. Maybe get your DP to research something like that for yourselves until you are more comfortable with the idea.
(But I do agree that slings can be fabulous - and even though its probably scary find a local slingmeet to help you find something that will suit you. Yes there might be some very big personalities and views about 'babywearing' but they are usually very friendly and willing to help a pregnant or new mum)

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 31/03/2016 13:53

Fine to get around with slings but many toddlers like pushing buggies with toy babies. How would that be for you?

BadDoGooder · 31/03/2016 13:55

Oh and I second all the other pp's saying find a sling meet and a library.
I got great advice at mine, and ended up with a wrap and a ring sling, both of which were great for differnt things. (Ring sling was great when he was tiny, you can lay them in it and bf while walking around, it was heaven not to be stuck to the sofa!)

Narnia72 · 31/03/2016 13:57

I am ever so sad that DC3 is too old to use a buggy, it's so useful!

However, I slung DC1 for the first 6 months as we were in London at the time and I couldn't be bothered faffing about with a pram on the tube. It was fine.

Don't worry about it until the baby is here. They are little and light at first! Find a sling library and have a try with a few, see which ones your baby likes and you like. I had a close baby carrier (think they've been rebranded) at first, which was lovely. Then an ergo.

You may find you change your mind when your baby's here, but you may get on really well with slings and not need one. It really isn't a problem.

Maclaren and Bugaboo Bee are good lightweight buggies that don't take up the whole pavement or hallway. There are probably lots of newer ones out there, I haven't bought a pram for 4 years!

Twixthecat · 31/03/2016 14:07

Loads of people use slings, perfectly feasible to get on without a pram. There's a whole babywearing community out there. Look out for your local sling meets, sling libraries, Facebook groups etc (e.g. Slings and Things - FSOT and advice). Best advice is from other people who already do it! I got into using a sling pretty late and wished I had earlier.

But then saying that I do still have a big buggy we use every day. DS is 2 and we live about 3/4mile from town and walk there to go shopping / groups etc By having the buggy it means I can do a big shop when walking into town, but if I'm sure we could cope and could carry necessities and drive to shops for bigger stuff if that's way it was.

Herewegoagainfolks · 31/03/2016 14:17

Ok Shameful I'll rephrase that to I couldn't.

I was walking 4 miles to the shops with two DC and two big bags of shopping. I did use a sling/back packs with my DC regularly until they were 4, but couldn't personally have managed that trip without a buggy.